As we grow older, our relationships with our parents naturally shift.

What once may have been a dynamic of guidance and authority can transform into a relationship built on mutual respect, empathy, and genuine companionship. 

But creating a deeper, more meaningful connection with your parents isn’t just about spending time together—it often involves letting go of habits and behaviors that might hold you back from a truly fulfilling bond.

If you’re looking to strengthen your relationship with your parents, here are seven behaviors to say goodbye to for a more positive, lasting connection.

1) Unnecessary rebellion

As teenagers, many of us went through a rebellious phase. It’s a natural part of growing up, asserting our independence, and figuring out who we are. 

However, as we mature, this type of resistance can become destructive to our relationship with our parents.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s healthy to have different viewpoints and to stand up for what you believe in. But unnecessary rebellion? It’s not beneficial for anyone involved.

This kind of conflict often arises from the desire to control or assert dominance. Your parents aren’t your adversaries; they’re your guides and cheerleaders.

Instead, aim for open communication and understanding. This shift in behavior can result in more meaningful conversations and a more profound connection with your parents.

2) Dismissing their advice blindly

Ah, the age-old habit of disregarding our parents’ advice. I remember a time in my twenties when I was so sure I knew better than my parents.

I mean, they were from a different generation, what did they know about my life, right?

I was looking to make a career shift and my father suggested that instead of quitting my job right away, I should try exploring my options while still working.

Of course, in my youthful arrogance, I brushed off his advice. The result? A stressful few months without a steady income and a bruised ego.

With age, I’ve realized that even if my parents’ advice doesn’t always line up with what I want to hear or do, it comes from a place of experience and love.

They’ve been around the block more times than we have and dismissing their advice blindly isn’t the wisest move.

The point? Try to keep an open mind when they offer you advice. You don’t have to follow it blindly, but at least consider their perspective – it might save you some trouble!

3) Avoiding hard conversations

In every relationship, there comes a time when you need to have difficult conversations.

However, many of us tend to avoid these discussions with our parents. We fear that it may lead to arguments, or worse, hurt feelings.

Ironically, experts note that avoiding difficult conversations can lead to more harm than good.

As Jennifer Gerlach, a psychotherapist, wrote in a recent Psychology Today Post, “Evading difficult conversations can lead to miscommunication, relationship breakdown, and compromised values”.

If you really want a stronger relationship with your parents as you get older, it’s essential to be open and honest about your feelings.

It might be uncomfortable at first, but having these hard conversations can lead to a deeper understanding and a stronger bond.

4) Taking them for granted

Parents are often our biggest cheerleaders, always there for us, ready to lend a helping hand or a comforting word. Because they’re so dependable, it’s easy to take them for granted.

However, it’s important to remember that parents are human too. They have feelings, and needs, and want to feel appreciated just like anyone else.

Failing to acknowledge their efforts or express gratitude can create distance in your relationship. It’s crucial to show appreciation for the love and care they’ve given you over the years.

A simple ‘thank you’ or ‘I appreciate you’ can go a long way in strengthening your bond.

5) The blame game

When things go wrong in our lives, it’s easy to look back and pin some of the blame on our upbringing. But is rehashing old grievances actually helping us move forward with our parents?

Nope. 

Sure, no childhood is without its issues, but constantly revisiting old wounds doesn’t do our relationship any favors.

 As the folks at Psych Central note, building a healthy relationship with your parents involves letting go of blame.

“Take responsibility for who you are today,” they suggest. “Acknowledge what was troublesome about your growing up experience, accept it, and move on.”

Letting go of blame doesn’t mean denying any difficulties you faced; it just means choosing not to let the past shape your connection today.

Instead, focus on creating new, positive memories that honor who you are now, and who they are, too.

6) Not making time for them

In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to let weeks or even months go by without having a meaningful conversation with your parents.

However, relationships need time and attention to grow. This is especially true for your relationship with your parents as you get older.

It doesn’t have to be grand gestures or elaborate plans. A simple phone call, a shared meal, or even watching a TV show together can make a huge difference.

7) Failing to communicate effectively

At the heart of every successful relationship is effective communication. It’s the cornerstone that holds everything else together. Without it, misunderstandings arise, feelings get hurt, and relationships crumble.

Speaking clearly about your feelings, actively listening when they speak, and being open to their feedback are all crucial components of effective communication.

It’s the most important thing you can do to ensure a healthy, thriving relationship with your parents.

Final thoughts: The heart of the matter

Erik Erikson, a renowned psychologist, once said, “Life doesn’t make any sense without interdependence. We need each other, and the sooner we learn that, the better for us all.”

This rings true for our relationship with our parents. As we age, we must learn to navigate this bond with maturity, understanding, and empathy.

Letting go of habits that create distance allows us to nurture a connection rooted in mutual respect and appreciation.

It’s not always easy, but by being open, communicative, and willing to forgive, we honor not only our parents but ourselves, creating a relationship that can withstand the changes and challenges of life.