Growing old together — it sounds like the ultimate love story, doesn’t it? Side by side through every stage of life, hand in hand. 

But here’s something we don’t talk about enough: growing old together also means growing better together. And that takes a little effort.

See, the habits that felt harmless (or even endearing) when you were younger can quietly chip away at your connection as you both grow older.

I’ve seen it happen in my own life and heard it from relationship experts too. 

But the good news? You can change it. You can let go of the patterns that no longer serve your love.

In this piece, I’m going to walk you through some of those habits — the ones you’ll want to leave behind for a stronger, deeper, and more meaningful relationship with your partner.

Because isn’t that the goal? Not just to grow old together but to grow closer too.

1) Stop avoiding difficult conversations

Getting older with your partner brings about a multitude of changes.

And guess what? Not all of them are going to be easy or comfortable to discuss.

But here’s a habit you need to let go of: Avoiding difficult conversations.

You see, tip-toeing around sensitive topics or brushing problems under the rug isn’t going to help.

In fact, it’s likely to build resentment and create a gap in your relationship. Instead, embracing open and honest communication is the key.

It’s not about picking fights or blaming each other.

It’s about expressing your thoughts, fears, and expectations in a respectful and meaningful way.

Now, I won’t lie: this process is often uncomfortable and sometimes even painful. But it’s absolutely worth it.

By sharing your vulnerabilities and working through tough issues together, you’re actually strengthening your bond.

2) Ditch the ‘tit-for-tat’ mentality

Let’s face it, we’ve all been there.

You know, when your partner forgets to do something that you’ve reminded them of countless times.

And your immediate reaction? You deliberately “forget” to do something they asked you to as a sort of revenge.

This, my friends, is what psychologists call the ‘tit-for-tat’ mentality or reciprocity principle.

It’s a psychological tendency that we have to respond to actions with similar actions.

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

But while this principle might work in certain scenarios, it’s not exactly the healthiest habit to cultivate in a relationship.

Over time, this kind of behavior can create a cycle of negativity and resentment.

And trust me, it’s not conducive for fostering a deeper bond with your partner as you age together.

Here’s a thought: Instead of payback, why not try understanding and forgiveness?

You might be surprised at the positive impact it can have on your relationship.

3) Stop keeping score

In line with letting go of the ‘tit-for-tat’ mentality, here’s another habit to say goodbye to: keeping score.

Yes, you read that right.

Now, you might be thinking, “But isn’t it fair to expect my partner to do as much as I do for our relationship?”

Well, that’s where things get a bit tricky. You see, relationships aren’t about equality, they’re about equity.

There’s a subtle yet crucial difference between the two.

Equality implies an exact 50/50 split of responsibilities, while equity is about fairness and meeting each other’s needs, which may not always look like a perfect split down the middle.

Keeping score of who did what can create a competitive environment rather than a collaborative one.

This can lead to bitterness and a lack of appreciation for what your partner does contribute.

So instead of counting who did what last, focus on appreciating the efforts made by your partner.

Remember, you’re on the same team. It’s not a competition; it’s a partnership.

4) Letting assumptions dictate your actions

Ever found yourself jumping to conclusions about your partner’s actions or intentions, without having a real conversation about it?

Assumptions — they’re a sneaky thing.

They creep into our thoughts without us even realizing it, and before we know it, they’re dictating our actions and reactions.

You see, as we age and spend more years with our partners, it’s easy to think that we know them inside out. And to some extent, we do. 

But people change, grow and evolve.

What may have been true for your partner years ago might not hold now.

Operating on assumptions can lead to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts.

It can also prevent you from truly understanding and connecting with your partner on a deeper level.

If you find yourself assuming something about your partner, take a pause. Have an open conversation instead.

You might find that reality is quite different from what you assumed.

5) Neglecting self-care

Here’s a habit that might surprise you: Neglecting self-care.

Yes, you heard right. While your relationship with your partner is important, so is the one with yourself.

You might be wondering, “How does self-care affect my relationship?”

Well, let me explain.

Neglecting yourself can lead to burnout and resentment, which can indirectly impact your relationship.

In order to maintain a healthy relationship with your partner, you need to first take care of yourself.

This means:

• Maintaining a healthy diet
• Getting regular exercise
• Practicing mindfulness
• Taking time for hobbies and activities you love
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So, take care of yourself first, and watch how it positively impacts your relationship as you grow older together.

6) Hanging onto past mistakes

We all make mistakes, don’t we? And, believe me, I’ve made my fair share in my relationships.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s this: holding onto past mistakes — both yours and your partner’s — does more harm than good.

Holding grudges or constantly bringing up past mistakes can breed resentment and hinder the growth of your relationship.

Let’s be honest, none of us are perfect. We’re all bound to mess up at some point.

But what’s more important is how we learn from these mistakes and grow together as a couple.

So, let’s make a pact to leave the past in the past.

To forgive and let go. Because, ultimately, our relationships are about growth and forgiveness, not blame and regret.

Trust me, saying goodbye to this habit will open up space for deeper connection and understanding with your partner as you age together.

7) Taking your partner for granted

Picture this: It’s been a long day, you’re tired, and when you finally get home, you find your partner has cooked your favorite meal. 

But instead of expressing your appreciation, you merely grunt a thank you and get on with eating.

Sound familiar?

Sometimes, in the hustle and bustle of life, we forget to appreciate the little things our partners do for us.

We start taking them for granted.

But have you ever stopped to consider how this might make your partner feel? How would you feel if your efforts went unnoticed or unappreciated?

Taking your partner for granted can slowly erode the bond between you two.

It’s time to pause and reflect on this habit.

If you find yourself guilty of it, it’s never too late to change.

Start appreciating your partner more – for who they are and all they do.

This simple act can work wonders in deepening your bond as you grow older together.

8) Prioritizing others over your partner

I’ll never forget the time when my spouse and I had planned a quiet, romantic evening at home. 

But then, a friend called, needing some help with moving furniture.

Without a second thought, I dashed off to lend a hand, leaving my disappointed partner behind.

We all have responsibilities and relationships outside our partnerships that need our attention.

But consistently putting others before your partner can lead to feelings of neglect and resentment.

In my case, it took a heart-to-heart conversation for me to realize how my actions were affecting our relationship.

My partner felt second-best, like our plans didn’t matter as much.

From then on, I’ve made it a point to prioritize our relationship, to make sure my partner knows they are important and valued.

It’s about creating a balance where your partner doesn’t feel like they’re always on the back burner. 

9) Neglecting emotional intimacy

Physical intimacy is often discussed when it comes to relationships, but emotional intimacy? It’s just as important, if not more so.

Emotional intimacy is about being able to share your deepest fears, joys, dreams, and disappointments with your partner.

It’s about being vulnerable and knowing that your partner is there for you, and vice versa.

As we grow older, life throws many curveballs our way. It’s during these times that emotional intimacy becomes crucial.

It’s what helps you weather the storms together, come what may.

So, if you’ve been neglecting this aspect of your relationship, it’s time to make a change.

Start opening up more, start sharing more.

You’ll be surprised at the depth it adds to your bond as you age together.

What next?

So, we’ve discussed the habits to ditch, but what next? How do you go about making these changes?

Here’s the thing: Change takes time and effort.

But it’s absolutely possible and worth it for a healthier, deeper bond with your partner.

Here are a few steps to get started:

• Reflect on your habits: Think about the habits we discussed. Do any of them resonate with you?
• Start small: Don’t try to change everything at once. Pick one habit that you want to work on first.
• Communicate: Talk to your partner about these habits and your intention to work on them. Remember, it’s a team effort.
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As we grow older with our partners, we have the beautiful opportunity to deepen our bond and grow together.

It’s about shedding old habits that no longer serve us, and embracing change for a healthier, happier relationship.

So, as you reflect on these habits, keep in mind: Change is a journey, not a destination.

And every step you take towards improving your relationship is a step well taken.