Ever found yourself tolerating bad behavior from a friend, just to keep the peace? Or perhaps you’ve accepted unreasonable demands from a boss, fearing you might lose your job if you stand up for yourself?

Whether it’s with our family, friends, or colleagues, many of us fall into the trap of being too accommodating.

I understand this all too well; I used to be one of those people.

Can you relate to this?

Let’s dive in. Here are seven signs that you might be lacking in self-assurance.

1) You allow others to make decisions for you

A surefire sign of lacking self-assurance is when you allow someone else to make decisions for you. This often stems from a fear of confrontation or a desire to avoid conflict.

This dependence on someone else for decision-making is a subtle trap. It can create a cycle where your confidence in your own judgment diminishes as you constantly defer to others.

The irony is that in trying to avoid conflict, we can end up feeling more dissatisfied and unheard – least of all by ourselves.

Breaking free from this pattern involves trusting in our own instincts and abilities.

It’s about understanding that while it’s fine to consider others’ opinions, the final decision should reflect our own thoughts and values.

2) You constantly compromise your own needs

A clear sign that you lack self-assurance is when you consistently put someone else’s needs above your own. This often stems from a fear of disappointment or a belief that your needs aren’t as important.

This habit of always compromising your own needs to satisfy others is a self-defeating cycle. It can lead to feelings of resentment, exhaustion, and eventually burnout.

The irony here is that in trying to keep everyone else happy, we end up feeling unhappy ourselves.

Breaking free from this pattern requires a healthy dose of self-esteem and assertiveness.

It’s about understanding that while it’s important to be considerate of others, your own needs are equally important and deserve to be prioritized.

So, the next time you’re about to say ‘yes’ to something that doesn’t serve you or goes against your own needs, remember it’s not selfish to put yourself first.

You’re simply prioritizing your own wellbeing – and that’s not just okay, it’s essential.

3) You let others take advantage of your time

One of the most personal experiences I can share about lacking self-assurance was when I let people take advantage of my time. Whether it was staying late at work for a colleague or constantly being the one to take on extra responsibilities in group projects, I was always the go-to person when someone needed a favor.

This constant availability and willingness to help, while noble, began to feel like a burden. I was constantly drained and felt like my time was not valued, or worse, that it was being taken for granted.

The turning point for me was when I realized that my need to be liked and helpful had started taking over my life. I was always on the edge, trying to meet everyone’s expectations and forgetting to prioritize my own needs.

It took some courage and a lot of self-reflection, but I eventually learned to say no when necessary. I realized that my time is valuable, and it’s okay not to be available all the time.

Standing up for myself didn’t make me less likeable; instead, it earned me respect from others over time. It also gave me a newfound sense of self-assurance that I didn’t know I had.

This experience taught me a valuable lesson: It’s crucial to establish boundaries and protect your time. It doesn’t mean you’re selfish or unhelpful; it simply means you respect your own needs just as much as you respect others’.

4) You tolerate disrespectful behavior

Another clear sign of lacking self-assurance is tolerating disrespectful behavior from others. This could be in the form of verbal abuse, manipulation, or constant criticism.

Sometimes, we put up with such behavior out of fear—fear of losing a relationship, fear of retaliation, or simply fear of upsetting someone. But in doing so, we’re silently giving permission for this behavior to continue.

The truth is, no one deserves to be treated disrespectfully. By tolerating such behavior, we’re not only causing harm to ourselves but also reinforcing the wrong behavior in others.

Standing up against disrespect doesn’t mean you’re being difficult or aggressive; it means you value and respect yourself enough to not allow anyone to treat you poorly.

It takes courage and self-assurance to demand respect, but it’s worth it. Not only will you feel better about yourself, but you’ll also foster healthier relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.

5) You stay silent when your ideas are dismissed

Did you know that in many meetings, 50% of the best ideas are initially dismissed? This is a telltale sign of lacking self-assurance: when you stay quiet after your ideas or suggestions are overlooked or rejected.

Too often, we hold back from voicing our thoughts again for fear of further rejection or ridicule. But by doing so, we’re undermining our own abilities and ideas.

The reality is, not every idea will be met with applause, and that’s okay. What’s important is to have the self-assurance to stand by your thoughts and present them with conviction.

Remember, many great ideas were initially rejected, including the theory of continental drift and the concept of a round Earth. It takes persistence and self-belief to push for your ideas, even in the face of skepticism.

So next time, don’t let your ideas be dismissed without a fight. Stand up for them. It’s possible that you’re seeing something others are missing, and your perspective could lead to breakthroughs.

6) You apologize excessively

One behavior I struggled with was excessive apologizing. I used to say sorry for things that weren’t my fault or even within my control. If a meeting ran late because a colleague was having technical issues, I’d find myself apologizing.

If a friend had a bad day, I’d say sorry as if their mood was my responsibility.

This excessive apologizing was a result of lacking self-assurance. It stemmed from a fear of being perceived as rude or inconsiderate, even when the situation didn’t call for an apology from me.

But over time, I realized that excessive apologizing not only undermined my confidence but also diluted the value of my apologies when they were genuinely needed.

So, I started practicing more awareness and discernment. I learned to apologize when it was necessary and appropriate, and stand strong when it wasn’t.

It’s important to understand that you don’t need to take responsibility for things beyond your control. Saying sorry all the time doesn’t make you more likable; it can actually make you seem less confident.

Remember, it’s okay to say no without an apology, and it’s okay to exist without constantly feeling the need to apologize. These are not just signs of self-assurance, but also of self-respect.

7) You don’t set boundaries

The most crucial thing you should know about self-assurance is the importance of setting boundaries. Without them, we allow others to dictate our time, energy, and even our emotions.

Boundaries are not about building walls or shutting people out; they’re about defining what is acceptable and what isn’t for you. They’re guidelines for how you want to be treated and what you expect from others.

When we don’t set boundaries, we often end up feeling overwhelmed, taken for granted, or disrespected. But when we do set them, and stick to them, we create a space where mutual respect and understanding can thrive.

It takes self-assurance to establish and maintain boundaries. It means standing up for yourself and being clear about your needs and expectations.

Remember, setting boundaries is a form of self-care. It shows that you value your own wellbeing and aren’t willing to compromise it for the sake of pleasing others. It’s not just empowering; it’s essential for your emotional health and overall wellbeing.

The final takeaway

If you see yourself in these signs, chances are you’ve been lacking self-assurance in certain areas of your life.

But here’s the uplifting part – this doesn’t have to define you.

With self-awareness and intentional effort, these tendencies can be transformed. The key lies in establishing boundaries and prioritizing self-respect. Being accommodating is commendable, but not at the expense of your own wellbeing.

Begin by pinpointing instances where you’ve allowed others’ behaviors to overstep your boundaries. Notice when you’ve stayed silent instead of expressing your true feelings. Recognize moments when you’ve compromised your needs for others.

Once you identify these patterns, it becomes easier to catch yourself in the act and pause.

Ask yourself – is this behavior acceptable to me? Does this align with my expectations? Would setting boundaries enable me to uphold my self-respect?

Remember, change won’t happen instantly. It’s a process.

But with consistent mindfulness, you can gradually shift your responses. Each act of asserting yourself and maintaining your boundaries boosts your self-trust and confidence.

When we prioritize our self-respect and establish clear boundaries, we create healthier relationships and command respect from others. It’s a ripple effect that not only benefits us but also influences those around us.

So be patient with yourself on this journey.

Celebrate the small victories. Seek assistance when you need motivation. Over time, self-assurance becomes second nature. You might just discover the most authentic version of yourself – one who commands respect while also being compassionate and understanding towards others.