For years, I allowed people to walk all over me.

You know the situation:

– Being taken for granted
– Ignored or not valued
– People crossing your boundaries
– Feeling unappreciated or disrespected.

And constantly questioning if you’re being too sensitive or asking for too much.

At my worst, about 4 years ago, none of the above was a stranger to me.

Hi, I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit, and a passionate psychology enthusiast. I was that guy in his late 20s, always bending over backward to please others and forgetting about my own needs and self-worth.

During that time, I tolerated behaviors from people that were downright disrespectful and damaging for my mental health.

I felt helpless and started questioning my own worth.

I was a pushover and deeply troubled by it.

And the reason was simple: I hadn’t yet understood the significance of these 7 behaviors that were clear indicators of my lack of self-respect.

In this article, I’m going to share these behaviors with you. I hope they can help you as they helped me regain my self-respect.

Let’s dive in.

1. Dismissal of your feelings

The first behavior that was a huge red flag for me was the constant dismissal of my feelings.

It’s as harmful as it sounds. For someone who was always accommodating others, it was a blow to my self-esteem when my feelings were regularly ignored or belittled.

This behavior taught me to question my own emotions, thinking maybe they were invalid or unimportant. I found myself in a state of perpetual self-doubt and confusion.

But then, I had a revelation. My feelings are valid, and so are yours.

If someone consistently dismisses your feelings or makes you feel like they don’t matter, it’s a clear sign of disrespect.

Start by acknowledging your own emotions. Recognize that they are valid and important. If others fail to do so, it’s not a reflection on you but on them.

When you encounter this behavior, address it assertively. Express that your feelings are important and deserve respect.

This was the first step in my journey towards self-respect and setting healthier boundaries in my relationships. You too can make this step and reclaim the respect you deserve.

2. Constant criticism

The second behavior that signaled a lack of self-respect was constant criticism.

I remember a friend who was always nitpicking at my choices, actions, and even my personality. It seemed like I could never do anything right in their eyes.

This relentless criticism chipped away at my self-esteem, making me feel inadequate and constantly on edge.

But then I stumbled upon a quote by renowned psychologist Carl Rogers: “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”

This quote hit me hard. It reminded me that we all are a work in progress, constantly learning and evolving. Constructive feedback is crucial for growth, but constant, unhelpful criticism is not.

If someone continually criticizes you in a way that’s not constructive or respectful, it’s time to reconsider that relationship.

Criticism should be about helping you grow, not tearing you down. Stand up for yourself and demand the respect you deserve. This was a pivotal moment in my journey of reclaiming self-respect and I hope it can be for you too.

3. Ignoring your boundaries

The third behavior that signaled a lack of self-respect was when people constantly ignored or disrespected my boundaries.

I remember a time when a colleague would consistently dump their work on me. It was always, “Lachlan, can you handle this for me?” or “Lachlan, I’m too busy, can you take care of it?”

In the beginning, I’d agree to help out, wanting to be the team player. But it soon became apparent that they were taking advantage of my willingness to assist.

Ignoring and disrespecting someone’s boundaries is a blatant sign of lack of respect. It took me a while to understand this. It was a lesson that echoed many of the teachings I delve into in my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego.

Buddhism teaches the importance of balance—of knowing when to give and when to protect your own energy. This balance is crucial for maintaining self-respect and inner peace.

Setting boundaries is not about being selfish; it’s about self-care and respect. When I finally started asserting my boundaries and saying no, I saw a significant change in the way people treated me.

If someone consistently ignores or disrespects your boundaries, it’s time to stand up for yourself. It might be uncomfortable at first, but setting and enforcing your boundaries will lead to healthier relationships and increased self-respect. 

4. Frequent interruption

The fourth behavior that signaled a lack of self-respect was constant interruption.

I recall being in a relationship where my partner would constantly interrupt me while I was speaking. It felt like my opinions and thoughts were not important to them.

This can be incredibly frustrating and belittling. Constant interruption is a sign of disrespect and indicates a lack of interest or regard for what you have to say.

If someone frequently interrupts you, it’s important to address this behavior respectfully yet assertively. Make it clear that you expect to be heard without being interrupted.

5. Lack of support in your endeavors

The fifth behavior that hinted at a lack of self-respect was the lack of support in my endeavors.

I remember a time when I was excitedly sharing my plans to start Hack Spirit with a close friend. Instead of encouragement or support, all I received was skepticism and discouragement.

This lack of support made me question my own abilities and dreams. It made me feel insignificant and unimportant.

Support from the people around us is crucial to our growth and success. When people close to us fail to provide that support, it can be incredibly demoralizing.

If someone is consistently unsupportive of your dreams and ambitions, it’s a sign of disrespect and disregard for your feelings and aspirations.

It’s essential to surround yourself with positive influences who can provide the encouragement and support you need. Don’t let anyone belittle your ambitions. You deserve respect and support in all your endeavors.

6. Being taken for granted

The sixth behavior that screamed a lack of self-respect was being taken for granted.

There was a time when I felt like a convenience to some people in my life. I was there to help, to listen, to solve problems, but when I needed them, they were nowhere to be found.

This one-sided dynamic made me feel undervalued and unappreciated, like I was a tool rather than a valued friend or partner.

As the renowned psychologist William James said, “We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.” We all need each other, and taking someone for granted is a sure sign of disrespect.

If you find yourself being taken for granted, remind yourself of your worth. You deserve to be appreciated and valued, not just when it’s convenient for others, but at all times.

Standing up and demanding this respect was another crucial step in my journey towards self-respect. It’s a step forward that you too can take.

7. Apologizing excessively

The final behavior that signaled a lack of self-respect was something I was doing: apologizing excessively.

Yes, you read that right. It may seem counterintuitive, but constantly saying sorry, even when not at fault, is a clear sign of lacking self-respect.

I used to apologize for everything, from expressing my opinion to needing assistance. It was like I was apologizing for my very existence.

Excessive apologizing can send a message that you’re not confident in your actions or decisions, and it can invite people to take advantage of you.

Here’s a practical tip: Next time you’re about to apologize, stop and ask yourself if you’ve really done something wrong. If not, resist the urge to say sorry. Instead, express gratitude. For example, instead of saying “Sorry for being late,” say “Thank you for waiting for me.”

Conclusion

Respect starts with self-respect. Don’t tolerate behaviors that belittle you or make you question your worth. Stand up for yourself, set boundaries, and demand the respect you deserve.

Here’s a practical tip to start with: practice assertiveness. Start expressing your needs and wants respectfully and clearly. Don’t shy away from saying no when necessary.

This aligns perfectly with the teachings in my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, where I explore how Buddhist principles can help you develop the strength to assert yourself while maintaining inner peace.

This journey may not be easy, but it’s worth it. As you grow in self-respect, you’ll notice a positive shift in your relationships and overall well-being.