If you think you’re not selfish, these 9 signs might surprise you

We all like to think of ourselves as generous, thoughtful individuals. But let’s be honest, we can all be a little selfish at times.
Being selfish isn’t always about hoarding all the cookies or refusing to share your toys like when we were kids. As adults, it manifests in more subtle ways that might surprise you.
For instance, you might not even realize that your actions are coming off as selfish to others. And believe me, recognizing this can be a real eye-opener.
In this article, “If you think you’re not selfish, these 9 signs might surprise you”, we’re going to delve into these subtle indicators. So buckle up, because it’s time for some self-reflection.
1) You’re always in control
We all like to feel in control of our lives, right? But when that need extends into controlling every aspect of our relationships, it might be a sign of selfishness.
It’s not about being a puppet master or a dictator. Rather, it’s the subtle ways we might try to control situations to suit our preferences.
Maybe you always get to choose where your group of friends goes out to eat or maybe you tend to dominate conversations, steering them towards topics you’re interested in.
That’s not to say it’s bad to have preferences or opinions. But when you leave no room for others’ input and dismiss their suggestions without consideration, it can come off as selfish.
So next time, take a step back and allow others to take the reins. You might be surprised at how liberating it can be.
2) The give-and-take imbalance
Ever had a friend who only seems to call you when they need something? It’s frustrating, isn’t it?
Well, I had a friend like that once. Let’s call him John. John was the life of the party, always fun to be around. But I started noticing that our conversations were always about him and his problems. It was all take, take, take.
One day, I decided to test a theory. I waited for John to reach out to me first, instead of me always initiating contact. You know what? I didn’t hear from him for weeks.
That’s when I realized that our relationship was heavily imbalanced in his favor. It was a hard pill to swallow but an important lesson in recognizing selfish behavior, even in myself.
So, if you find that your relationships are more about taking than giving, it might be time for a little self-examination.
3) Lack of empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a key component of emotional intelligence and crucial for maintaining healthy relationships.
Interestingly, a study published in the journal of Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that people who lack empathy are more likely to behave selfishly. They’re less likely to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, making it easier for them to prioritize their own needs.
If you often find yourself indifferent to others’ feelings or struggles, it might be a sign of selfish behavior. Remember, a little empathy goes a long way in making those around you feel heard and valued.
4) You’re a conversation hog
Ever been in a conversation where you can barely get a word in edgewise? It’s not the best feeling, is it?
Conversations should be a two-way street, but sometimes, without even realizing it, we might dominate the discussion. It could be because you’re excited about a topic or maybe you’re just overly talkative.
But when you’re always the one talking and rarely the one listening, it can come off as selfish. It gives off the impression that your thoughts and stories are more important than anyone else’s.
So next time you’re in a conversation, try to be mindful. Ask questions, show interest in what others are saying, and most importantly, listen. It might just make all the difference.
5) Not being there when needed
True friendships are tested not during the good times, but during the tough ones. And if you’re always absent when someone needs you most, it might be a sign of selfishness.
Now, life gets busy, and no one expects you to drop everything at a moment’s notice. But if you consistently fail to show up for your friends or family during their times of need, they might start to feel like they’re not a priority for you.
Whether it’s lending an ear when they’re going through a tough time or helping them move on a Saturday morning, being there for others when they need you is a fundamental part of any healthy relationship.
So reflect on your behavior. If you find yourself constantly unavailable for others, it might be time to re-evaluate your priorities.
6) Disregard for others’ time
Time is the one thing we all have in common. It’s the one resource none of us can get back once it’s gone. And how we treat other people’s time can say a lot about us.
Take being chronically late, for example. It sends the message that your time is more important than theirs, that it’s okay for them to wait for you.
Now, everyone runs late occasionally, and that’s okay. But when it becomes a habit, it starts to feel disrespectful and selfish.
So next time you’re tempted to hit the snooze button one more time, remember that other people’s time is just as valuable as yours. A little consideration goes a long way in showing respect and appreciation for those around you.
7) Ignoring boundaries
We all have boundaries – physical, emotional, and mental limits we establish to protect ourselves. But sometimes, in our quest to get what we want, we might unintentionally ignore or override others’ boundaries.
I remember a time when I was so eager to get a project at work off the ground that I kept pushing my team to work late, ignoring their signs of burnout. It wasn’t until one of them bravely spoke up that I realized I was pushing too hard.
Ignoring others’ boundaries might get you what you want in the short term, but it can damage relationships in the long run. So it’s important to respect others’ limits and consider their feelings and needs as well. It’s not just about being less selfish; it’s about being more understanding and caring.
8) You rarely express gratitude
Gratitude is more than just saying “thank you”. It’s about expressing appreciation for others and recognizing their efforts and contributions.
If you find it hard to express gratitude or if you only do so when it benefits you, it might be a sign of selfishness. After all, being grateful means acknowledging that someone else has done something worthwhile.
Whether it’s thanking a co-worker for their help on a project, appreciating your partner for their support, or acknowledging a friend’s kind gesture, expressing gratitude can go a long way in building stronger relationships.
So make an effort to express more gratitude. It won’t just make others feel appreciated, it’ll also make you feel good about yourself.
9) You struggle with compromise
Compromise is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. It’s about finding a middle ground, where everyone’s needs and desires are taken into consideration.
But if you always insist on having your way and struggle with the concept of compromise, it might be a sign of selfishness. Insisting on your way all the time disregards others’ feelings and needs, which can strain relationships.
Remember, compromise isn’t about losing. It’s about finding a solution that works for everyone involved. It’s about respect, understanding, and most importantly, valuing the relationships more than winning an argument.
The Heart of the Matter
At the core of our actions and decisions lie our values and beliefs.
It’s crucial to remember that selfishness is not inherently evil. It is a fundamental aspect of human survival. It becomes a problem when it infringes on the well-being and happiness of others around us.
Recognizing and acknowledging these signs of selfishness in ourselves is the first step towards self-improvement. Change may not happen overnight, but the willingness to be more mindful, more considerate, can pave the way for more positive interactions and healthier relationships.
Selfishness, like any behavior, can be unlearned and transformed. As American author Bryant H. McGill once said, “One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.”
So next time you’re in a conversation, take a moment to truly listen. Next time you make a decision, consider those around you. In doing so, you might just find that the world becomes a little brighter, and your relationships a little stronger.