You want to form meaningful bonds, to cultivate that close-knit circle of friends that everyone seems to have, but it just feels like you’re missing something.

You’ve tried everything – from small talk to deep conversations, from shared hobbies to shared silences.

And yet, you’re still there, struggling to form these close friendships. It’s frustrating and sometimes, a little lonely.

It’s not always about grand gestures or dramatic fallouts. Sometimes, it’s about those subtle behaviors we don’t even realize we’re exhibiting.

Those little things that we do, or fail to do, that could be standing in the way of our connections with others.

1) Being overly self-focused

Friendships, just like any other relationship, are a two-way street.

It’s great to talk about yourself, share your experiences, and express your thoughts. But here’s the catch – it shouldn’t always be about you.

If you often find yourself dominating conversations, leaving little room for others to share, you might be pushing people away without realizing it.

It’s not that people aren’t interested in hearing about your life; it’s just that they want to feel heard too.

It can be a tough habit to break, particularly if you’re used to being the one leading the conversation.

But trust me when I say this: learning to listen can be a total game-changer. Soak in what people have to say, show genuine interest, and ask follow-up questions.

It’s not about fading into the background but about creating a balance in conversation where everyone feels valued and heard.

This small shift can make a world of difference in your quest to form close friendships.

2) Neglecting to follow up

If I’m being honest, this was something I struggled with for a long time. I’d have great conversations with people, we’d share some laughs, some deep thoughts, and then… nothing.

I would just let it be, thinking that if they really wanted to talk again, they’d reach out.

But here’s what I’ve learned: friendships don’t just happen.

They need nurturing just like any other relationship in our lives. It’s not enough to have a good conversation; you need to follow up on it.

Did someone share an interesting book they were reading? Ask them how it ended. Did they mention a tough day at work?

Check in a few days later to see how things are going. These little gestures show that you care, that you’re interested in their life beyond the immediate conversation.

I started doing this a while back, and let me tell you, it’s made all the difference.

People appreciate you remembering the small details of their lives. It shows that you listen and value what they say and who they are. 

3) Being too quick to judge

If we’re too quick to judge ourselves – our actions, our thoughts, our choices – it’s more likely that we extend that judgment to others as well.

Every friendship begins with getting to know the other person. If you’re too busy judging their actions or choices, you might be missing all the wonderful things about them.

In the end, everyone is fighting their own battles. What looks like a flaw might just be a defense mechanism or a response to a difficult situation.

So next time you find yourself being too quick to judge someone, take a step back.

This will not only help you form closer friendships but also make you more comfortable with yourself.

4) Holding back on vulnerability

Did you know that according to a study by the American Sociological Association, the average American only has two close friends?

This is a far cry from the large groups of friends we often see portrayed in media.

Now, there could be many reasons for this, but one key factor could be our fear of vulnerability.

Opening up, showing our true selves, and sharing our fears and failures can be downright scary.

We worry about being judged or rejected. But here’s the thing – it is through this vulnerability that close friendships are often formed.

When we open ourselves up, we allow others to see us as we truly are, not just the image we project to the world.

This honesty helps to create a bond that is deep and meaningful.

It’s not easy, I know.

But the next time you’re hesitant about sharing something about yourself, take a leap of faith.

You might be surprised at how people respond when you show them your real self.

5) Not making time

Time is a tricky thing, isn’t it?

There never seems to be enough of it.

Work, family, personal commitments – they all seem to eat into our days, leaving little room for anything else. And often, what gets compromised is our social life – our friendships.

I’ve heard many people say, “I’d love to catch up, but I just don’t have the time.”

But here’s what I’ve learned – it’s not about having time; it’s about making time.

Friendships, particularly close ones, require effort and investment. You can’t expect a friendship to thrive if you’re not willing to put in the time.

This might mean saying no to something else or rearranging your schedule.

It might mean choosing to spend a Saturday night catching up with a friend instead of watching TV.

It’s a choice we make – to prioritize our friendships, to value these connections enough to make time for them.

And believe me when I say this: the friendships you nurture will be worth every minute you invest in them.

6) Not being yourself

There’s a lot of pressure in today’s world to be someone else.

We’re constantly bombarded with images and stories of people leading perfect lives, having perfect friendships.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to emulate them, of trying to be someone we’re not, just to fit in.

But here’s the truth – lasting friendships aren’t built on pretense. They’re built on authenticity.

When we try to be someone we’re not, we might attract people initially, but these relationships often lack depth and don’t stand the test of time.

I’ve been there, done that. Tried to fit in, tried to be someone I’m not. And let me tell you, it’s exhausting.

But the moment I decided to just be myself, I started attracting the right people. People who liked me for who I was, quirks and all.

So don’t be afraid to be yourself.

7) Failing to express appreciation

We all like to feel appreciated. It’s a basic human need. But often, in our relationships, we take this for granted.

Think about it. When was the last time you told a friend how much they mean to you?

How grateful you are for their presence in your life? If you’re struggling to remember, it might be time to rethink this.

Expressing appreciation isn’t about grand gestures or expensive gifts.

It’s about telling someone that you value them, that you appreciate their advice, their support, their friendship.

It’s about making them feel seen and valued.

I started doing this a few years ago – just little things like sending a quick text to say thank you or telling a friend how much I appreciate them.

And the impact was immediate.

People responded positively, our bond strengthened, and I realized just how important these two little words – thank you – can be.

8) Not being there in tough times

Life is a rollercoaster, filled with ups and downs. And who do we turn to when times get tough? More often than not, it’s our friends.

But here’s the thing about tough times – they reveal a lot about our friendships.

It’s easy to be there when everything is going well, when the sun is shining and life is good.

But it’s during the storms that true friendships are tested.

Being there for someone during their difficult times – be it a bad breakup, a family crisis, or a personal struggle – is one of the most powerful ways to strengthen your friendship.

It shows them that you truly care, that you’re not just there for the good times, but for the hard ones too.

I’ve had my share of storms, and I can tell you this – the friends who were there for me, who stood by me during those tough times, are the ones I hold closest to my heart.

Wrapping up

Building close friendships isn’t about perfection; it’s about growth and understanding.

It’s about showing up, being genuine, and making an effort. Letting go of certain behaviors can transform the way you connect with others.

It’s not about changing who you are but about becoming a better friend. The choice is yours: continue with the same habits or try something new.

Make the effort, show you care, and watch how your friendships flourish.

These changes aren’t just about making friends—they’re about creating bonds that last a lifetime.