Happiness, we all crave it, but only a few of us truly achieve it. And I think I know why.

In my years of studying mindfulness and Buddhism, I’ve found that the path to happiness is often obstructed by the things we stubbornly hold onto.

Let me be clear. It’s not about having attachments. It’s what we’re attached to that matters.

If we cling to the wrong things, we end up sabotaging our own happiness. And trust me, there are certain things in life that are happiness killers.

In this article, I’ll share with you the 8 things that, in my experience, can keep us from finding true happiness in life.

Let’s get started. 

1) The obsession with perfection

We’ve all been there. The pursuit of perfection can seem like a noble goal. But let me tell you, it’s a trap.

In the world of mindfulness and Buddhism, the concept of perfection is viewed differently. It’s not about achieving an immaculate state, but about embracing our imperfections.

The truth is, life is messy, and we are all works in progress. The more we chase after this elusive concept of perfection, the more unhappy we become.

But here’s the twist. When we let go of our obsession with perfection and accept ourselves as we are, flaws and all, we set ourselves on the path to genuine happiness.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with striving for improvement. But it’s when we attach our happiness to this ideal of perfection that it becomes problematic.

If you’re finding it hard to be happy, take a moment to reflect. Are you clinging to the idea of perfection? If so, it might be time to let it go and embrace the beautiful mess that is life.

Happiness isn’t found in perfection; it’s found in acceptance.

2) The fixation on past and future

I’ve been guilty of this one myself. It’s easy to get caught up in memories of the past or dreams of the future. But here’s the kicker: neither exists.

The past is gone, and the future is yet to arrive. All we truly have is this present moment.

Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh once said, “The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.”

And he’s right. When we’re constantly reliving the past or anticipating the future, we miss out on the beauty and joy of the ‘now’.

I’m not saying we should never reflect on the past or plan for the future. But when these thoughts become our primary focus, they can rob us of our happiness.

Take a deep breath, bring your attention back to this moment, and let go of your attachment to the past and future. Trust me; it’s a game-changer for finding happiness in life.

3) Attachment to material possessions

This one might be a hard pill to swallow, but it’s the truth: material possessions won’t bring you happiness.

In the grand scheme of life, these objects that we invest so much time, money, and energy into are fleeting. They can be lost, stolen, or become obsolete.

Buddhist wisdom teaches us that attachment to material possessions can lead to suffering. It’s not about shunning material wealth altogether; rather, it’s recognizing that true happiness doesn’t lie in the things we own.

Our society often equates wealth and possessions with success and happiness. But take a moment to reflect: How often have a new car, a bigger house, or the latest gadget brought you lasting joy?

Ultimately, it’s our relationships, experiences, and internal peace that give us true happiness. So let go of your attachment to material possessions and focus on what truly matters. It’s a liberating step towards finding genuine happiness in life.

4) Fear of change

Change is inevitable. It’s a part of life, like the changing seasons or the rising and setting of the sun. Yet, many of us resist it, fear it, and even dread it.

This fear of change can hold us back from experiencing happiness. It can keep us stuck in comfortable yet unfulfilling situations, or worse, in situations that cause us stress or pain.

Mindfulness teaches us to embrace change rather than fear it. It encourages us to live in the present moment and accept things as they are right now. This acceptance includes understanding that everything is transient — nothing stays the same.

When we resist change, we resist life itself. But when we embrace change, we open ourselves up to new experiences, growth, and ultimately, happiness.

5) The illusion of control

This is a tricky one, and I speak from experience. We humans love to feel in control. It gives us a sense of security and predictability. But the hard truth is, we can’t control everything.

In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego”, I delve into the concept of control from a Buddhist perspective. And here’s the spoiler: the only thing we can truly control is our own actions and reactions.

Trying to control everything around us – people, situations, outcomes – is not only exhausting but also a surefire way to disappointment and unhappiness.

So what’s the solution? Let go. Surrender. Accept that life is unpredictable and that’s okay.

By relinquishing this illusion of control, you’ll find a sense of peace and happiness that comes from living in harmony with life’s natural flow, rather than against it. 

6) The need for approval

We all crave acceptance and approval to some degree. It’s human nature. But when we start defining our worth by the opinions of others, it becomes a roadblock to happiness.

Buddhist and mindfulness teachings remind us that our worth isn’t determined by external validation. It comes from within.

When we attach our happiness to the approval of others, we give away our power and become victims of their judgments and opinions.

Let’s be honest, you’ll never be able to please everyone, and that’s okay. Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.

Let go of your need for approval. Embrace who you are, flaws and all. After all, happiness comes from being true to yourself, not living up to others’ expectations.

7) The belief in a fixed identity

“I am this.” “I am that.” We all have these fixed ideas about who we are. But the truth is, we are ever-evolving beings, constantly changing and growing.

When we attach ourselves to a fixed identity, we limit ourselves and our potential for happiness. It’s like trying to fit an ocean into a teacup.

Buddhist teachings encourage us to let go of this rigid sense of self. Instead, they promote the idea of ‘anatta’ or ‘non-self’, suggesting that our true essence isn’t fixed but fluid.

8) The pursuit of happiness itself

Now, this might sound counterintuitive, but bear with me. Sometimes, our relentless pursuit of happiness can be the very thing that keeps us from experiencing it.

When we’re always chasing after happiness, we’re essentially saying that we’re not happy right now. We’re projecting our happiness into the future, making it conditional on some event or circumstance.

Mindfulness, on the other hand, encourages us to find happiness in the present moment. It’s not about waiting for something to make us happy; it’s about recognizing the joy that already exists in our lives.

So instead of constantly chasing happiness, try to let go and simply be. Embrace the present moment with all its beauty and imperfections. You might just find that happiness has been there all along, quietly waiting for you to notice.

Conclusion

Finding happiness is less about chasing it and more about letting go of the things that are holding us back. It’s about releasing our attachments, embracing change, and living in alignment with the present moment.

Remember, happiness is a journey, not a destination. And often, this journey involves unlearning old habits and beliefs that no longer serve us.

If you found these insights helpful and want to delve deeper into the teachings of Buddhism and mindfulness for a happier life, I invite you to check out my book “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego”. It’s packed with practical wisdom and transformative practices to help you live with more joy, peace, and fulfilment.

As you navigate your journey towards happiness, remember to be gentle with yourself. Change takes time. But with every step you take, you’re getting closer to the true happiness that resides within you.

Here’s to your happiness journey,

Lachlan Brown.