There’s a profound difference between those who lose their cool when angry and those who remain calm and composed. Speaking gently even in anger is a trait not many possess.

Psychology suggests that if you’re one of those rare people who maintains a gentle tone even when you’re fuming, you likely possess certain distinct traits.

Let’s delve into what these qualities might be, and how they set you apart from the crowd.

1) Emotional intelligence

When it comes to the world of human emotions and reactions, there’s a trait that sets some people apart – emotional intelligence.

If you are one of those who can maintain a gentle tone even when anger is bubbling up inside you, psychology suggests that you likely have a high degree of emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence, or EQ, refers to the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of those around you. It involves empathy, self-awareness, and an ability to navigate emotional landscapes effectively.

People with high EQ are usually good at diffusing conflicts and handling stressful situations. They understand that raising their voice won’t necessarily solve the issue at hand.

Speaking gently when angry does not mean suppressing your emotions. Instead, it indicates your ability to manage and express them in a productive way. This is a key characteristic of someone with high emotional intelligence.

So if you’re always calm, cool, and collected during heated moments, give yourself a pat on the back. You’re displaying a hallmark trait of emotional intelligence.

2) Patience

Here’s another trait that’s common among individuals who speak gently, even during anger – patience. It’s a virtue that not everyone possesses, but it can make a world of difference in how we react to situations.

Now, let me tell you a personal story to illustrate this.

A few years ago, I was dealing with a difficult situation at work. Deadlines were tight, the workload was heavy, and tempers were flaring. One day, amid all the chaos, a colleague of mine made a mistake that cost us several hours of work.

In that moment, I could feel anger welling up inside me. It would have been easy to lash out, to vent my frustration. But instead, I took a deep breath and spoke softly. I acknowledged that mistakes happen and reassured my colleague that we would find a way to fix it together.

This didn’t just diffuse the tension in the room; it also fostered a sense of teamwork and camaraderie in what was an otherwise stressful situation.

This experience taught me firsthand the power of patience and its role in maintaining a calm demeanor even when you’re angry. If you too can remain patient in such circumstances, you likely possess this admirable trait.

3) Self-control

Self-control is another trait that is often associated with those who can speak gently even in the midst of anger. It’s about being able to restrain one’s own impulses and reactions, especially during emotionally charged situations.

In a study, it was found that individuals who showed high self-control were better at managing stress and exhibited fewer signs of psychological distress. They were also more likely to handle conflict in a constructive manner rather than resorting to aggression or hostility.

So if you can keep your cool and communicate gently when you’re angry, you’re not just showing patience and emotional intelligence – you’re also exhibiting a high degree of self-control. This trait can help you navigate through life’s ups and downs with grace and composure.

4) Compassion

Compassion is another trait that often goes hand-in-hand with the ability to speak gently when angry. It’s about understanding the feelings of others, empathizing with them, and wanting to alleviate their suffering.

If you can hold your anger and speak gently, chances are you’ve understood that the other person might be going through something tough too. You’ve shown compassion by choosing your words carefully and not escalating the situation.

Compassion doesn’t mean you’re a pushover; it means you’re understanding and considerate. It’s a quality that helps build strong, positive relationships with those around you. So if you find yourself being gentle even during heated moments, know that your compassionate nature is shining through.

5) Strong sense of self

Behind the ability to speak gently when angered, often lies a strong sense of self. This means you have a clear understanding of who you are, your values, and your beliefs.

When you know yourself well, you understand your triggers and how you react to certain situations. You’re not easily swayed by external factors and can hold your ground, even in the face of adversity.

For instance, let’s say someone accuses you of something you didn’t do. Instead of lashing out in anger, you calmly and firmly hold your ground, because you know the truth about yourself.

This inner strength and self-assuredness is more than just admirable – it’s a beacon for others. It shows them that it’s possible to stand firm without losing composure; that it’s possible to speak gently even when one’s anger could easily tip the scales.

So if you find yourself doing just that, take a moment to appreciate your strong sense of self. It’s a rare trait that sets you apart and makes you a person of character and resilience.

6) Mindfulness

Mindfulness is more than just a buzzword. It’s a practice that cultivates presence, awareness, and a deeper connection to oneself and others.

A few years ago, I found myself in a heated argument with a close friend. I was angry, hurt, and on the verge of saying things I knew I would regret. However, I took a moment to breathe deeply and focus my attention on the present moment.

I realized that my anger was rooted in fear – fear of losing this friendship. Instead of letting my anger take the driver’s seat, I chose to address this fear instead. I spoke gently, expressing my feelings and concerns without letting anger cloud my words.

This practice of mindfulness transformed what could have been a friendship-breaking argument into an opportunity for growth and understanding.

If you have the ability to speak gently even when you’re angry, it’s likely that you’re practicing mindfulness, perhaps even without realizing it. And that’s a beautiful thing indeed.

7) Respect for others

Speaking gently when angry also signifies a deep respect for others. It shows that you value the other person’s feelings and dignity, regardless of the situation at hand.

Respect is more than just a virtue; it’s a way of life. It’s about acknowledging the worth of every individual and treating them with kindness, even when disagreements arise.

If you manage to maintain a gentle tone during heated situations, you’re not just managing your anger – you’re also showing respect for the other person. This trait not only helps diffuse tension but also fosters mutual respect and understanding.

So next time you find yourself speaking gently in anger, take a moment to acknowledge this trait. Your respect for others is a testament to your character and integrity.

8) Ability to communicate effectively

At the heart of it all, speaking gently when angry is indicative of your ability to communicate effectively. It’s about expressing your feelings and thoughts in a way that’s assertive, not aggressive.

Effective communication isn’t just about getting your point across – it’s about doing so in a way that respects the other person’s perspective and fosters understanding. It’s about knowing when to speak, what to say, and how to say it.

If you can keep a gentle tone even when you’re brimming with anger, you’re not just showing self-control and respect – you’re showcasing your prowess in effective communication. And that, in essence, is a powerful trait that can lead to better relationships, smoother negotiations, and ultimately, a more harmonious life.