There’s a big difference between having a supportive partner and being with an emotional bully.

It all comes down to respect. An emotional bully tries to control and dominate you, often pretending their actions are out of ‘love’ or ‘concern’.

A supportive partner, on the other hand, lets you have your own voice, even while offering advice on how to handle situations better.

It’s important to recognize the signs of an emotional bully to protect your mental health. Here are some signs to look out for.

1) Constant criticism

In relationships, there’s not much that’s more damaging than constant criticism.

Emotional bullies are experts at this, using it to undermine your confidence and self-esteem.

You might find yourself constantly being nitpicked and faulted, with the bully disguising their attacks as ‘constructive feedback’ or ‘just being honest’.

This kind of behavior is a classic sign of emotional bullying. By always pointing out your flaws and criticizing you, the bully tries to control you and keep you emotionally off-balance.

When someone is constantly criticized, they start to believe these negative messages and think they deserve such treatment. This makes it easier for the bully to stay in control.

2) Control freak tendencies

I remember being in a relationship where my partner had to weigh in on everything—from what I wore and who I hung out with to what I ate and where I went. At first, it seemed like concern, but it quickly became clear it was all about control.

This is a major red flag: control freak tendencies.

It’s another classic sign of an emotional bully. By controlling every aspect of your life, they keep you dependent and under their thumb.

Reflecting on my past relationship, it was a never-ending cycle of control. Every decision needed their ‘approval’, every plan required their ‘consent’. The unspoken rule was clear: it was their way or the highway.

When you’re constantly controlled, your sense of self-worth and independence starts to erode. It’s a manipulative strategy designed to keep you tethered to the bully.

3) The use of guilt

In the world of emotional manipulation, guilt is a powerful tool.

Humans are naturally wired to avoid feelings of guilt. As social creatures, feeling guilty often signals a breach of social norms or expectations. Emotional bullies exploit this tendency to get their way.

This brings us to a key feature of emotional bullying: the use of guilt.

The technique is simple but effective. By making you feel guilty, an emotional bully can manipulate you into doing what they want.

When someone constantly makes you feel guilty for your actions or decisions, it’s an attempt to control you and maintain their power in the relationship.

4) Verbal aggression

In any relationship, communication is key. But when that communication turns into verbal aggression, it’s a clear sign of an emotional bully.

Verbal aggression can take many forms, from raising their voice and yelling to using harsh words and making cruel remarks.

This is one of the most obvious signs of emotional bullying: verbal aggression.

Verbal aggression isn’t just about loud arguments or heated confrontations. It can also come in the form of subtle jabs, sarcastic remarks, or belittling comments that chip away at your self-esteem over time.

Constant exposure to verbal aggression can leave deep emotional scars and create a toxic environment in your relationship.

5) Stonewalling and silent treatment

In the realm of emotional bullying, one of the subtler tactics is stonewalling or giving the silent treatment.

This is when your partner refuses to communicate or engage with you, often as a form of punishment or control.

The aim here is to make you feel ignored, invalidated, and insignificant. It’s a passive-aggressive way to express discontent or exert control in the relationship.

Stonewalling can be incredibly damaging—as it denies you the chance to express your feelings or resolve issues through communication.

When your partner consistently shuts down conversations or gives you the silent treatment, it’s a clear sign of emotional bullying.

6) Unreasonable jealousy

We’ve all experienced twinges of jealousy in our relationships—it’s a natural human emotion. But when jealousy becomes excessive and unreasonable, it’s a red flag that you’re dealing with an emotional bully.

This type of jealousy isn’t rooted in love; it’s about control. Emotional bullies use jealousy as a tool to isolate you and keep you all to themselves.

Dealing with a partner who’s unreasonably jealous can be heart-wrenching. It can leave you feeling like you’re tiptoeing around, always needing to defend yourself against unfounded accusations and suspicions.

When your partner displays extreme jealousy and possessiveness, it’s not a sign of their love for you—it’s a signal of their desire to control you.

7) Threats and ultimatums

In a relationship, compromises are necessary. But when those compromises turn into threats or ultimatums, it’s a troubling sign of emotional bullying.

I’ve experienced this firsthand in a relationship where my partner often resorted to threats to get their way. It was always “do this or else…”, leaving me feeling scared and trapped.

The tactic is straightforward: use fear to manipulate and control. Emotional bullies often employ threats or ultimatums to assert dominance and keep you in check.

These threats could range from ending the relationship to causing harm to themselves or even to you. It’s a toxic power play aimed at keeping you anxious and off balance.

8) Public humiliation

In the realm of emotional bullying, public humiliation is another tactic often used.

This might include your partner belittling or embarrassing you in front of others, making jokes at your expense, or sharing personal details about you without your consent.

The aim of this tactic is to undermine your self-esteem and make you feel inferior. By doing so publicly, the emotional bully not only shames you but also asserts their dominance.

Public humiliation can be extremely harmful. It’s a form of emotional abuse that leaves you feeling embarrassed, degraded, and isolated.

9) Lack of empathy

A lack of empathy is a glaring sign of emotional bullying. It’s more than just failing to understand another’s emotions—it’s a deliberate disregard for them.

When someone consistently shows no empathy, they invalidate the feelings and experiences of others—leaving them feeling unheard and unimportant.

This lack of empathy enables the bully to manipulate and control their victim, dismissing their emotions and maintaining dominance in the relationship.

It creates a toxic dynamic where the victim’s feelings are constantly undermined.

Never tolerate a bully!

Emotional bullying isn’t just a momentary lapse in sensitivity; it’s a consistent cycle of disrespect and control. It chips away at your self-esteem, plays with your emotions, and tries to manipulate your actions.

If you’ve noticed any of these red flags in your relationship, it’s crucial to take a step back and assess where you stand. Acknowledging the issue is the first step toward dealing with it.

Whether that means seeking professional support, confiding in trusted friends or family, or making the tough choice to leave an unhealthy situation, know that the road ahead may be tough but necessary.

Remember: Your value isn’t determined by how someone treats you; it’s about how you treat yourself. You deserve respect and kindness, so don’t hesitate to stand up for yourself—you matter.