I’ve found myself sitting across from more than one person who seemed great at first glance but left me wondering if they had a heart somewhere under all that charm.

You know, the type who’s always quick to talk about themselves but somehow never really asks how you’re doing?

It’s easy to get caught up, thinking maybe you’re just being too sensitive or that they’re going through something.

But after a while, it hits you—they’re just selfish.

No one wants to throw that word around, but there it is, staring you in the face.

Today, we’re diving into the little signs that give away a deeply selfish person, not to point fingers, but to protect your own sanity in this whirlwind we call life.

1) They constantly put their needs first

According to Daniel S. Lobel, Ph.D., selfish people have one thing in common—they think the world revolves around them.

They always prioritize their own needs and wants, often at the expense of others.

Whether it’s about deciding where to eat out or which movie to watch, their choices and preferences always come first.

This trait can be hard to spot at first, especially if they’re good at disguising their selfishness as decisiveness or leadership.

But over time, the pattern becomes clear.

When interacting with a person who consistently puts their needs above yours without considering your feelings, you might be dealing with a selfish person.

It’s important to recognize this and decide how you want to handle the situation.

2) They rarely show genuine interest in your life

Here’s a personal experience I had with this.

I once had a friend, let’s call her Emily.

Emily was always the life of the party, outgoing and fun to be around—but when it came to deeper, more personal conversations, I noticed something off.

Whether we were sitting over coffee or texting late at night, our conversations were almost always about her latest trip, her job, her boyfriend.

She rarely asked about my life or how I was doing.

In the beginning, I brushed it off, thinking maybe she was just having a tough time and needed to vent—but, as time went on, I realized this wasn’t a phase.

Emily was deeply engrossed in her world and didn’t show genuine interest in anyone else’s.

It dawned on me that Emily was a deeply selfish person.

This realization helped me manage my expectations of our friendship and protect my emotional well-being.

3) They are poor listeners

Being a good listener is a key aspect of effective communication.

However, deeply selfish people often struggle with this skill.

They tend to dominate conversations, often interrupting or ignoring what others are saying.

Next time you’re engaged in a conversation with someone, pay attention to their listening skills.

If you notice them constantly interrupting or steering the conversation back to themselves, it could be a sign of deep-seated selfishness.

4) They rarely show gratitude

One of the most straightforward signs of a deeply selfish person is their lack of gratitude.

They often take others for granted and fail to acknowledge the efforts or kindness of others.

Whether it’s a small favor from a friend or a significant sacrifice from a loved one, they rarely express genuine thankfulness.

Instead, they might feel entitled to these acts of kindness and see them as something they deserve, rather than a gesture that deserves appreciation.

This lack of gratitude is a clear sign of selfishness.

5) They are often unapologetic

We all make mistakes, and it’s human nature to sometimes say or do the wrong thing.

However, the difference between a deeply selfish person and others is their inability to sincerely apologize.

Selfish people often fail to recognize their mistakes or how their actions may affect others, and even when they do apologize, it might feel insincere or forced.

On top of that, their apologies often come with excuses or justifications rather than a genuine acknowledgment of their fault.

6) They lack empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.

It’s what makes us human, connects us with others, and allows us to build meaningful relationships.

But for a deeply selfish person, empathy is often a foreign concept.

They struggle to put themselves in other people’s shoes or understand their feelings. Their focus is primarily on their emotions and experiences.

I’ve seen this trait in people I’ve known, and it’s heartbreaking.

It’s not that they’re incapable of feeling, but rather that they choose not to extend that understanding to others.

It’s a very isolating way to live, both for them and the people around them.

If you notice someone who rarely shows understanding or compassion towards others, you’re likely dealing with a deeply selfish person.

7) They are difficult to please

I remember planning a surprise birthday party for a friend a few years ago.

I had put in a lot of effort and thought into every detail, hoping to make it a day she would remember.

But rather than appreciating the effort, she spent the evening pointing out things that could have been better.

This tendency to be overly critical or hard to please is common in deeply selfish people.

They often focus on what’s lacking rather than appreciating what they have.

This constant dissatisfaction can be draining for those around them and is a clear sign of their selfish nature.

8) They manipulate others to get their way

Manipulation is a common tool used by deeply selfish people.

They are experts at twisting situations, words, and even feelings to serve their own interests.

They might use guilt, emotional blackmail, or even flattery to get what they want.

This manipulation is often subtle and can leave you feeling confused or doubting your own judgment.

If you find yourself continually feeling manipulated or coerced into doing things you wouldn’t normally do, it’s a sign that you’re dealing with a deeply selfish person.

Try to recognize this behavior for what it is—a tactic to serve their needs at the expense of your own.

9) They lack long-term, meaningful relationships

Deeply selfish people often struggle to maintain long-term, meaningful relationships.

Their inability to consider others’ needs and feelings can push people away, leaving them with a string of failed relationships.

If you know someone who seems to constantly clash with friends, family, or partners, or who struggles to maintain stable relationships, it’s a strong sign of deep-seated selfishness.

Understanding this can help you make informed decisions about your interactions with them.

Final thoughts

Let’s be real—people are complicated.

It’s tempting to just label someone as selfish and move on, but that’s not the full story.

I’ve learned, sometimes the hard way, that understanding where someone’s coming from can save you a lot of emotional wear and tear.

Carl Jung said something that stuck with me: “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” And isn’t that the truth?

The next time you find yourself dealing with someone who ticks all the boxes of selfishness, instead of thinking about changing them, do what you need to take care of you.

Boundaries, empathy, and a good dose of self-respect are your best allies in this game!