My mother always told me, “To know a man’s true character, watch his actions, not his words.”

There’s a lot of truth to that, especially when it comes to spotting a selfish man.

You see, selfishness isn’t always as obvious as we might think. It can be subtle, masked by charm or generosity.

So, if you’re asking yourself “Am I dealing with a selfish man?” keep reading.

We’re about to dive into seven telltale signs that you might just be in the company of a deeply self-centered individual.

1) He’s always the priority

A study found that a person’s own generous or selfish actions are more influential than what others do or say.

Generous people usually appreciate and encourage generosity in others, while selfish people often do the opposite—they discourage generosity and encourage selfishness, even if it doesn’t benefit them directly.

We all have moments when we need to put ourselves first.

That’s normal, and even healthy. But with a deeply selfish man, he’s always at the center.

See the difference?

Whether it’s deciding where to eat or whose friends to hang out with, his wants and needs always come first.

It’s as if your desires and preferences are merely an afterthought.

The worst part?

You might not even notice it at first. Selfish people can be quite skillful at making their self-centeredness seem reasonable.

But over time, this one-sided dynamic can leave you feeling overlooked and undervalued.

A relationship should be a partnership where both parties are considered equally. 

2) He’s not interested in your world

This one hits close to home for me. I once dated a guy who was incredibly charming and attentive—at first.

But as time passed, I began to notice something odd.

He never really showed interest in my life.

Whether it was my work, hobbies, or the quirky little stories about my childhood, he seemed more interested in scrolling through his phone than listening to me.

I brushed it off initially, thinking maybe he’s just distracted or having a bad day. But when it became a pattern, I had to face the truth.

A selfish man lacks genuine curiosity about your world.

He doesn’t make an effort to understand what makes you tick or what you’re passionate about.

If he’s more invested in his own world than getting to know yours, it’s a clear sign of deep-rooted selfishness.

3) Apologies are scarce, if at all

Have you ever been in a situation where you’re hurt, and instead of receiving an apology, you’re met with excuses?

I have. And let me tell you, it’s not a pleasant experience.

A deeply selfish man finds it hard to apologize.

It’s as if acknowledging his mistake would shatter his illusion of perfection.

So, he’d rather justify his actions or shift the blame than simply say ‘I’m sorry.’

It’s like this constant need to be right, to be flawless. But we’re all humans, and we all make mistakes.

An apology is not just about accepting the mistake. It’s about showing respect and empathy for the person who’s been hurt.

If ‘sorry’ is a word that rarely escapes his lips, even when he’s clearly in the wrong, it’s a glaring sign of deep-seated selfishness.

4) He doesn’t celebrate your success

When something good happens to you, who’s the first person you want to share it with?

Likely, it’s someone who genuinely cares about you and your happiness.

But what happens when that person is a deeply selfish man?

He might nod and smile, offering a half-hearted “congratulations.” Or worse, he might downplay your achievement or change the subject entirely.

Why?

Because a deeply selfish man struggles to celebrate your success. It might stem from jealousy, insecurity, or his need to always be the center of attention.

Research suggests that compassionate, generous people are happier, healthier, more popular and more successful.

Genuine happiness for another person’s success is a sign of love and respect.

If he can’t celebrate your wins as if they were his own, you might be dealing with a deeply selfish man.

5) He’s a master of manipulation

Ever heard of gaslighting? It’s a form of psychological manipulation where a person makes you doubt your own perception of reality.

And guess what? It’s a tactic commonly used by deeply selfish individuals.

Here’s how it works.

He might twist the truth or deny facts to make you question your own sanity.

Things like, “You’re overreacting,” or “That never happened,” become his go-to phrases.

And the worst part is, with time, you might start believing him.

Because that’s what manipulation does—it erodes your self-trust and confidence.

Manipulation is not just about control, it’s about preserving his self-interest at your expense. 

6) He lacks empathy

It’s okay to have bad days. We all do. It’s part of being human.

And during those times, all we crave for is a little understanding, a little empathy.

Plenty of research out there has found that empathy for negative emotions promotes helping behavior.

But with a deeply selfish man, empathy is often missing from the equation.

He might find it hard to put himself in your shoes, to feel what you’re feeling.

Your struggles might be met with indifference or impatience, rather than compassion and understanding.

It’s not that he can’t feel empathy.

It’s just that he chooses not to. His world revolves around him and his feelings, leaving little room for anyone else’s.

7) He takes more than he gives

In any relationship, there’s a give and take. It’s what keeps the balance, the harmony.

But with a deeply selfish man, it’s more about taking than giving.

He might be generous when it serves him, but when it comes to meeting your needs or fulfilling your requests, he falls short.

Keeping score or expecting something in return for every act of kindness is not what this is about.

Mutual respect and understanding that both parties have needs and desires that should be equally valued is where it’s at.

If you find that you’re constantly giving—be it time, energy, or resources—and getting little in return, you’re dealing with a deeply selfish man.

Final thoughts

You deserve relationships that are rooted in mutual respect, understanding, and equality.

Not ones where your needs are constantly overlooked or dismissed.

Ask yourself – are my feelings valued in this relationship? Is there a balance of give and take? Do I feel respected?

These questions might lead to uncomfortable answers, but they will guide you toward healthier relationships.