Growing up, the line between constructive criticism and outright negativity can blur.

Looking back, it’s not always easy to spot the signs that you were overly criticized as a child, but they can linger, shaping how we see ourselves and the world around us.

It often leaves hidden scars. It’s like walking around with invisible weights strapped to your self-esteem. If you’ve ever wondered why you’re so hard on yourself or why you can’t take a compliment without a pinch of skepticism, well, it might be time to look back at your childhood.

Let’s take a moment to explore together and maybe start the journey of unpacking old baggage we never realized we carried.

1) You’re your own toughest critic

I get it. You try something new, and instead of a pat on the back, you’re replaying every little mistake in your head. Over and over. Sounds familiar?

That’s because when you’ve been overly criticized as a kid, you become an adult who’s mastered the art of self-criticism.

It’s like you’ve got this inner voice that’s stuck in a loop, telling you that you could’ve done better—even when everyone else is saying ‘great job!’ You might notice that you’re always striving for perfection, and anything less feels like a letdown.

Real talk: Shaking off that habit is tougher than it sounds, but recognizing it is the first step. So if you’ve got that internal megaphone turned up way too loud on self-critique, it might be time to consider where it all started.

2) Praise feels uncomfortable

Here’s a personal confession: I used to be uneasy whenever someone gave me a compliment. It was like wearing a shirt that’s just too tight – I couldn’t wait to get out of it. At first, I thought maybe I was just humble, but then I realized it was something deeper.

Back in the day, praise was rare in my house. If I got a good grade or won a race, the focus quickly shifted to what could be better next time. So now, when someone tells me ‘good job,’ it feels foreign, as if they’re talking to someone else.

It took me a while to see the connection between my discomfort with compliments and the way criticism took center stage during my childhood. 

If this sounds familiar and praise makes you uncomfortable, it might be that encouragement wasn’t part of your regular emotional diet growing up.

It’s tough to digest something you’re not used to, right? But we can learn to accept the good words, just like we learned to internalize the tough ones.

3) Decisions feel daunting

Ever feel like you’re at the bottom of a mountain every time you need to make a choice, no matter how small?

For those of us who grew up under a barrage of criticism, decision-making can be an uphill battle. It’s not just indecision; it’s the fear of making the ‘wrong’ choice and facing potential criticism all over again.

This isn’t just about not wanting to make mistakes—it’s about self-preservation. When every choice feels like a potential minefield, thanks to a childhood where wrong choices were met with harsh words, it’s no wonder decision-making can seem like an all-too difficult task.

So, if you’re someone who gets stuck at the crossroads often, it might not be about the options in front of you. It could be about those echoes from the past, warning you at every turn. 

4) Perpetual people-pleaser

Do you find yourself constantly bending over backwards to keep everyone else happy? If your answer is yes, you’re not alone. Many of us will go to great lengths to avoid disappointing others.

It’s as if we’re on a never-ending mission to get the approval that seemed so out of reach in our youth.

This isn’t just about being nice; it’s a learned response. When you grow up in an environment where criticism is the norm, you start to equate your worth with how pleased others are with your actions. It becomes second nature to prioritize everyone else’s happiness over your own.

Remember that it’s okay to set boundaries and that true self-worth comes from within, not from the constant approval of those around you. 

5) Fear of authority figures

Let’s talk about bosses, coaches, or any authority figure really. For some of us, authority figures become stand-ins for the critical adults from our past, and just thinking about interacting with them puts us in a state of anxiety.

It’s not uncommon to feel intimidated when dealing with people in power. This fear often isn’t about the individuals themselves but rather about the risk for criticism and disapproval that they represent.

So, here’s the thing: Overcoming this fear starts with knowing where it stems from and understanding that authority figures are just people, not omniscient judges of your worth.

6) Struggle with self-compassion

Have you ever found it hard to be kind to yourself? I mean, really, genuinely kind—the way you’d be to a good friend. If you’re struggling to show yourself compassion, it could be from  a childhood filled with disapproval instead of kindness.

Learning to be gentle with yourself isn’t just difficult—it can feel downright unnatural.

It’s heartbreaking, really, how we carry these old wounds with us, how they shape the way we treat ourselves long after we’ve grown. The constant criticism that was once an external voice becomes our own internal dialogue, and breaking that cycle requires more than just positive thinking.

Keep in mind that self-compassion isn’t an indulgence; it’s a necessity for healing. It’s about giving yourself the acceptance and care that you may not have gotten when you needed it most.

It’s a journey, for sure, but learning to replace criticism with kindness is perhaps one of the most profound steps we can take towards embracing who we are.

7) Difficulty celebrating successes

I’ll let you in on a secret: I used to hide my awards in a drawer, out of sight. Winning them was one thing, but celebrating them felt like stepping into an alien world. It’s strange how even when you do well, there’s a whisper telling you it’s not enough, or worse, that it’s just a fluke.

This isn’t just modesty. It’s an echo of a time when achievements were downplayed and the goalposts were always moving just out of reach.

When every success was met with a “What about next time?” or “Why wasn’t this perfect?”, it becomes hard to bask in the glow of your accomplishments.

Finding joy in our successes is as important as learning from our failures, and we owe it to ourselves to celebrate our victories—big or small.

8) Reluctance to try new things

Consider this: when was the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone?

If the mere thought of trying something new fills you with dread, it might be more than just a quirk. For those of us who grew up where mistakes were met not with encouragement but with harsh words, the unfamiliar becomes frightening.

This reluctance is about self-preservation. Why venture into unknown territory when past experience has taught you that failure could result in a torrent of criticism? It becomes safer, then, to stick with what you know, even if it means missing out on exciting opportunities.

When you find yourself avoiding new experiences, it could be time to gently resist that instinct. Each small step into the new and unknown is a victory over those critical voices of the past, a declaration that you’re no longer bound by their constraints.

9) Your feelings are valid

The most important thing to know is that your feelings—the hurt, the doubts, the insecurities—are valid.

This isn’t just about dealing with excessive negativity; it’s about the lasting impact it has on your self-worth. Your experiences have shaped you, but they don’t have to define you.

Acknowledging the pain isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a courageous step towards understanding and healing. It’s okay to grieve for the encouragement you didn’t receive and the unconditional support you deserved. 

Understanding the past, embracing the future

The complexities of our adult lives are often etched into the bedrock of our childhood experiences. The patterns of criticism we endured as children don’t just vanish; they weave themselves into the fabric of our being, influencing how we navigate the world.

But here’s a powerful truth: our brains are remarkably plastic. This means that the very structure and function of our neural pathways can change over time with consistent effort and self-compassion.

While we can’t rewrite history, we can create a new narrative for ourselves—one where criticism is no longer the author of our story.

As you stand at the crossroads between past pain and future growth, remember that every step forward is an achievement worth celebrating.