If you recognize these 9 signs, you probably grew up with an eggshell parent

Growing up, did you ever feel like you were constantly walking on eggshells around one of your parents?
Like any wrong move or word could trigger an unpredictable reaction?
If this sounds familiar, you may have grown up with what I call an “eggshell parent.”
These parents create an environment where their children are always on edge, unsure of how to act or what to say, for fear of upsetting them.
If you’ve ever wondered whether this dynamic shaped your childhood, there are certain signs to look out for.
Let’s explore nine telltale behaviors that might indicate you grew up with an eggshell parent—and how they could be impacting you today.
1) You’re constantly on edge
Growing up with an eggshell parent is like navigating a minefield.
You’re never quite sure when the next explosion will occur.
This can result in a perpetual state of anxiety and unease.
Even in seemingly safe and calm environments, you might find yourself feeling on edge, anticipating conflict or emotional outbursts.
The anxiety you feel isn’t natural; it’s a learned response, an adaptation to the volatile environment you grew up in.
2) You struggle with boundaries
Do you find it difficult to set personal boundaries? If so, you’re not alone.
Boundaries refer to the invisible lines we draw to separate ourselves from others.
They help us establish what’s okay and not okay in terms of how others can behave towards us.
But here’s the thing.
Growing up with an eggshell parent often blurs these lines.
You might have had to tiptoe around their emotions, sacrificing your own comfort and needs in the process.
So, if you often find yourself struggling to assert your boundaries, feeling guilty when you do, or letting others cross them without objection, it may be a sign of your eggshell upbringing.
3) You’re overly empathetic
Interestingly, while struggling with boundaries, you might also find yourself being excessively empathetic.
Seems counterintuitive, doesn’t it?
But it’s not that unusual.
Living with an eggshell parent often means becoming acutely aware of their emotional states, almost to a fault.
It’s a survival mechanism, helping you anticipate their moods and reactions.
Over time, however, this can morph into an excessive form of empathy where you’re hyper-attuned to the emotions of others, often at the cost of your own emotional well-being.
So while empathy is generally seen as a positive trait, if it’s constantly leaving you drained or neglecting your own needs, it might point to your eggshell upbringing.
4) You’re a peacemaker
Are you always the one smoothing over conflicts or trying to keep the peace?
In families with an eggshell parent, children often take on the role of peacemaker.
It’s a way to manage the emotional climate, to prevent or defuse explosive situations.
You might have become the person who calms down the angry friend, mediates family disputes, or appeases the irate customer at work.
While this ability to mediate and pacify can be a valuable skill, it’s worth examining if it stems from your need to avoid conflict at all costs.
This leads me to the next point…
5) You exhibit people-pleasing behavior
People-pleasing isn’t just about being nice or accommodating.
It’s a coping mechanism, especially for those who grew up with an eggshell parent.
This behavior can manifest in various ways, including:
- Saying yes when you want to say no
- Going out of your way to avoid disappointing others
- Suppressing your feelings to keep others comfortable
- Frequently apologizing, even when it’s not your fault
This may be your attempt at avoiding any unpleasant reactions because as a child, you may have internalized the idea that stability depends on you, not your parents.
According to psychotherapist Anna Hindell, “Children feel the instability of their environment and tend to blame themselves for the instability, versus understanding that they have an unstable parent.”
6) You find it hard to trust your own judgment
Do you often second-guess your decisions? Or maybe you find it hard to trust your own judgment?
If so, I want you to know, you’re not alone.
Many of us who grew up with an eggshell parent struggle with this.
We were often made to feel that our perceptions or feelings were wrong or invalid.
This can leave a lasting imprint, making it challenging to trust our own instincts as adults.
7) You have a heightened sense of responsibility
Imagine this: you’re planning a group outing and someone cancels at the last minute.
Do you immediately feel responsible, even though it’s out of your control?
Growing up with an eggshell parent, responsibility might have been thrust upon you prematurely, often in ways that were inappropriate for your age.
Marriage and family therapist Saba Harouni Lurie explains the far-reaching effects of this:
“Kids of eggshell parents might take on the responsibility of soothing their parents and prioritizing their parents’ needs at the cost of their own emotions. However, this self-imposed role reversal can lead to confusion and be a huge emotional burden for the child. Learning this behavior early on in life can potentially result in an ongoing pattern of prioritizing others’ emotions over their own –– even in relationships outside of their family.”
So now, as an adult, you might still carry that sense of responsibility with you.
You still take on a lot of things that you’re not supposed to.
8) You struggle with self-care
I remember a time when I would feel guilty for taking a day off, or even just a few hours to myself.
It felt like I was being selfish or neglectful.
Does that sound familiar?
You see, when you grow up with an eggshell parent, taking care of yourself often takes a backseat.
You’re so accustomed to managing their emotions and needs that you forget to cater to your own.
So if you find it hard to prioritize your own self-care, constantly putting others’ needs before yours, it’s possibly a leftover from your eggshell upbringing.
And it’s a sign that it might be time to start putting yourself first.
9) You’re resilient
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, you’re resilient.
Yes, you read that right.
Growing up with an eggshell parent is undoubtedly challenging.
It can leave scars and foster behaviors that you may struggle with.
But it also fosters resilience.
You’ve navigated through emotional storms, adapted to unpredictable surroundings, and developed an innate ability to read and respond to emotions.
So while it’s essential to recognize the signs and work through the impact, it’s equally important to acknowledge the strength and resilience you’ve gained along the way.
Remember, recognizing these signs isn’t about dwelling in the past, but understanding it to better navigate your present and future.
What now?
Recognizing the signs of having grown up with an eggshell parent can be a significant step toward understanding and healing.
But what comes next?
- Seek professional help: A mental health professional can provide valuable guidance and support as you navigate this journey.
- Practice self-care: Prioritize your needs, your feelings, and your wellbeing. It’s not selfish; it’s necessary.
- Learn about healthy boundaries: Understanding and establishing boundaries can help you build healthier relationships.
- Forgive, if you can: This doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing hurtful behavior. It means letting go of resentment for your own peace.
Remember, this journey is not about blaming or labeling. It’s about understanding your past to create a healthier, happier future.
So take a moment to reflect. What signs resonated with you? How might they be influencing your life today?
And most importantly, what steps can you take to nurture yourself and cultivate healthier relationships moving forward?
It’s never too late to start healing and growing.
After all, recognizing the signs is the first step, but what truly matters is what you choose to do from here on out.