I used to think that childhood memories were supposed to be a little bittersweet—a blend of scraped knees and bedtime stories.

But for some of us, looking back means sifting through memories that feel less like nostalgia and more like a long list of critiques we didn’t ask for.

Growing up with a demeaning parent can be a strange kind of hurt—it’s subtle, often hidden in everyday moments, but it leaves its mark.

So, if you’re here, wondering if those childhood memories were as harsh as they felt, let’s walk through nine signs that might just confirm you’ve been carrying more than you realized.

1) Constant criticism and belittlement

The first sign you need to consider is an ongoing pattern of criticism and belittlement.

Growing up with a highly demeaning parent often means living under a constant stream of negative comments.

This could be about your abilities, your appearance, or even your very identity.

Such parents rarely miss an opportunity to pick on their children’s flaws, real or perceived. They would make you feel as if you could never do anything right, no matter how hard you tried.

This constant barrage of negativity can leave deep psychological scars.

It might have conditioned you to constantly doubt yourself, leading to low self-esteem and a fear of failure.

Everyone makes mistakes. But a demeaning parent often uses these mistakes not as opportunities to teach and grow, but as ammunition for further criticism.

2) Dismissal of achievements

Growing up, I was always an achiever. From acing exams to winning sports competitions, I was constantly striving to excel.

But no matter how hard I worked or how much I achieved, it never seemed to be enough for my parent.

I remember one particular instance when I was about 14. I had just won the school spelling bee competition.

I was thrilled and couldn’t wait to share the news with my parent.

But instead of sharing in my joy, all they said was, “Well, it’s not like it’s a real competition. Let’s see you win something worthwhile.”

This constant dismissal of my achievements made me feel as if nothing I did was ever good enough.

Even today, I sometimes find myself belittling my own accomplishments.

If you’ve had a similar experience where your achievements were consistently undermined or dismissed, then this could be a sign that you were raised by a highly demeaning parent.

3) Lack of emotional support

The importance of emotional support in a child’s development cannot be overstated.

According to research, emotional support from parents significantly impacts a child’s mental, social, and physical well-being.

Children who grow up with demeaning parents often find themselves deprived of this critical aspect of their growth.

These parents may dismiss their children’s feelings, making them feel unseen and unheard. They may also fail to provide comfort or guidance during tough times.

This lack of emotional support can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness.

It can also contribute to difficulties in forming healthy emotional attachments later in life.

4) Overbearing control

Another common sign of growing up with a demeaning parent is an excessive need for control.

These parents often impose strict rules and regulations on their children, leaving little room for personal freedom or self-expression.

They might dictate everything from what you wore to who your friends were, and even the career path you should follow.

This overbearing control can be suffocating.

It can make you feel as if your thoughts, opinions, and desires don’t matter. It can also hinder your ability to make independent decisions and form your own identity.

If you find yourself constantly second-guessing your choices or feeling anxious about making decisions, this could be a sign of growing up under the thumb of a highly controlling parent.

5) Unpredictable mood swings

Living with a demeaning parent often feels like walking on eggshells.

One moment they might be calm and seemingly supportive, the next they could explode into a storm of criticism or anger.

This unpredictability can create a tense and stressful home environment.

As a child, you may have found yourself constantly on edge, trying to avoid doing anything that might set off your parent’s mood swings.

These unpredictable mood swings can lead to chronic anxiety and stress.

You might find yourself always anticipating the worst or struggling with feelings of unease.

If your parent’s unpredictable moods were a defining feature of your childhood, it could be a sign that you grew up with a demeaning parent.

6) Emotionally unavailable

In a loving and supportive family, parents are supposed to be a source of comfort and refuge.

But for those of us who grew up with demeaning parents, this was rarely the case.

Emotional unavailability is a common trait among demeaning parents.

They often withhold love and affection, making their children feel unloved and unwanted.

They might even go as far as to use love as a weapon, giving or withholding it based on their mood or your behavior.

Growing up with an emotionally unavailable parent can lead to feelings of abandonment and unworthiness.

You might find yourself constantly seeking approval and validation from others, struggling to believe that you are deserving of love and affection.

7) Frequent comparisons

I grew up with a sibling who was always considered the ‘golden child’.

Every achievement, every success of mine seemed to pale in comparison to theirs.

My parent would often say things like, “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” or “Your sister never gives me this much trouble.”

These frequent comparisons made me feel inadequate and inferior.

It instilled in me a constant need to prove myself, to show that I was just as good, if not better.

Even now, I sometimes catch myself comparing my achievements with those of others, struggling to shake off that ingrained sense of competition.

If you’ve experienced something similar, where you were frequently compared to a sibling or even to other children, then this could be a sign of growing up with a highly demeaning parent.

8) Use of guilt and shame

Demeaning parents often use guilt and shame as tools for control.

They might make you feel guilty for their own shortcomings or failures, blaming you for things that are beyond your control.

These parents have a knack for turning situations around, making you feel like you’re the one at fault.

This could include making you feel responsible for their happiness or blaming you for their anger or frustration.

Growing up in such an environment can lead to feelings of guilt and shame that persist into adulthood.

You might find yourself constantly apologizing, even when you’ve done nothing wrong, or feeling guilty for asserting your needs or boundaries.

9) Lack of respect for boundaries

Perhaps one of the most telling signs of a demeaning parent is a lack of respect for personal boundaries.

These parents might invade your privacy, dismiss your feelings, or make you feel uncomfortable with their inappropriate behavior.

A demeaning parent often views their child as an extension of themselves rather than an individual with their own thoughts, feelings, and desires.

This disregard for boundaries can leave you feeling violated and disrespected.

Final thoughts

Healing from a childhood filled with criticism and belittling isn’t a one-and-done kind of journey.

I’ve learned how important it is to unlearn the messages we were given—the ones that told us we weren’t enough or that love had strings attached.

Dr. Jonice Webb talks about the importance of learning to pay attention to your own feelings, of learning to give yourself the kindness you might’ve missed out on.

So if you’re feeling that pull to look back, to really understand where those doubts come from, know that it’s okay.

It’s okay to feel hurt, to be angry, and to take your time.

Because healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means finally seeing yourself through a lens that doesn’t judge.