Healthy relationships rely on fairness, mutual respect, and equality.

However, when one person is held to different standards than the other, it can create a troubling imbalance.

Double standards, whether subtle or obvious, can undermine trust and breed resentment.

It’s important to be aware of these imbalances, as they may signal deeper issues in the relationship that need to be addressed.

1) One rule for you, another for them

There’s nothing like unequal rules to scream “double standard”.

Imagine this – your partner gets upset when you hang out with friends of the opposite sex, but they frequently enjoy outings with their own friends of the opposite sex.

They’re not recognizing the double standard, and that’s a problem.

This kind of unequal rules situation tends to create resentment and mistrust in a relationship. And if it isn’t addressed, it could lead to bigger issues down the line.

So if you find yourself often thinking “but when you do it, it’s fine?”, you might be dealing with a double standard.

It’s time to sit down and have an honest conversation about why the same rule doesn’t apply to both parties.

2) Your feelings are dismissed

Dismissing feelings is another glaring sign of a double standard. It’s one I’ve personally experienced.

I remember in my previous relationship, whenever I was upset about something, my partner would often say, “You’re overreacting,” or “You’re being too sensitive.”

Yet, when they were upset, I was expected to listen and empathize completely.

This dismissive behavior made me feel like my feelings weren’t as important or valid as theirs. It took me a while to realize that this was a clear double standard in our relationship.

If your partner frequently dismisses your feelings while expecting full attention to theirs, it’s a red flag.

Your feelings are just as valid and deserve equal consideration and respect.

3) Imbalance in household chores

Despite societal advancements, there’s still a significant imbalance in who does the household chores.

A study found that women still tend to do more than their fair share of housework, even when they work as many hours as their male partners.

If you find yourself doing the lion’s share of cooking, cleaning, and laundry while your partner relaxes, you might be facing a clear double standard.

In other words, housework should be shared equally, regardless of gender.

4) One-sided communication

Communication is the lifeblood of any healthy relationship. But when it becomes one-sided, it’s a clear sign of a double standard.

Does your partner expect you to respond immediately to their texts or calls, but they take their sweet time or even forget to respond to yours?

Do they demand detailed accounts of your day while giving short, vague summaries of their own?

If this sounds familiar, you’re dealing with a double standard.

Every relationship should have equal and open communication. If that’s not the case, it’s time for a serious talk.

5) Emotional labor imbalance

Emotional labor is the work we do to care for others’ feelings, and it’s often overlooked as a double standard in relationships.

Does your partner expect you to be their emotional rock all the time, but when you need emotional support, they’re suddenly too busy or tired?

Emotional support should be mutual in a relationship.

No one person should be left carrying the weight of the other’s emotions all the time.

6) Your dreams and aspirations are sidelined

Your dreams and aspirations are a part of who you are. They should be respected and supported in a relationship, not sidelined or belittled.

I’ve seen relationships where one person’s career or personal goals take precedence, while the other’s are brushed off as less important.

This is heartbreaking.

You deserve a partner who values your dreams as much as their own.

If you find that your partner consistently puts their wants and needs ahead of yours, it’s a clear sign of a double standard.

Your dreams matter too.

7) Your mistakes aren’t forgiven as easily

Everyone makes mistakes, it’s part of being human.

But in my past relationship, I noticed my partner would hold onto my mistakes, constantly bringing them up during arguments.

However, when they messed up, they expected quick forgiveness and for the issue to never be brought up again.

If your partner isn’t as forgiving of your mistakes as you are of theirs, it’s time for an open conversation about why this is happening.

8) You’re expected to change but they aren’t

Change is inevitable in any relationship as both partners grow and evolve.

But it becomes a double standard when one partner is expected to change their behaviors, habits, or beliefs while the other remains the same.

If your partner often points out things they want you to change, but become defensive when you suggest changes for them, you’re dealing with a double standard.

Growth and change should be mutual in a relationship. It’s not fair for one person to bear the burden of change alone.

Final thought

Addressing double standards is essential for maintaining balance and respect in a relationship.

It requires honest communication and a willingness to hold both partners accountable to the same expectations.

By fostering equality, you can ensure that the relationship remains a partnership based on mutual support and fairness.

Don’t let double standards fester—confront them and work toward a healthier dynamic.