Ever find yourself wondering why relationships feel so one-sided, or why you’re constantly questioning your worth?

It’s possible that those feelings trace back to something you haven’t fully unpacked yet—your upbringing.

Being raised by a narcissistic parent can shape your entire outlook on life, often in ways you don’t realize until much later.

You may think that what you experienced was just “normal,” but over time, subtle patterns start to emerge.

In this article, we’ll dive into seven telltale signs that you may have grown up with a narcissistic parent.

If any of these hit close to home, it’s a step toward understanding your past—and that’s the first step in breaking free from its hold.

Let’s dive in. 

1) You grew up in the spotlight, but not in a good way

Childhood should be a time of exploration and growth, right?

But if you were raised by a narcissistic parent, that might not have been your experience. Instead, you probably spent most of your childhood in the limelight, and not because you wanted to be there.

The focus was always on you, but not in a nurturing or supportive way. It was more like you were an extension of your parent, a tool to make them look good or feel better about themselves.

When you excelled, they took the credit. When you failed, they made it about themselves. And when things got tough, they were nowhere to be found.

If this sounds familiar, then you’ve just recognized the first sign of having grown up with a narcissistic parent. Hard pill to swallow? Yes. But recognizing it is the first step towards healing and understanding.

2) Your achievements were their achievements

For me, my childhood was a series of accomplishments… but not mine, oh no, they were my mother’s.

I remember the day I got my first A in school. I was so proud of myself, thinking that I had finally done something worth celebrating.

But instead of congratulating me, my mother announced to everyone how her guidance and support had made it possible.

She didn’t see it as my success—it was hers. My effort, my hard work, all of it was reframed to fit her narrative.

And in that moment, I learned that my achievements weren’t really about me. They were just another tool for her to reinforce her own image as the perfect parent.

The validation I craved, the pride I thought I’d feel, it was always redirected back to her.

Over time, this can leave you feeling like your accomplishments don’t matter unless they benefit someone else.

You might find yourself chasing goals not for your own satisfaction, but for how they’ll make others see you—or worse, how they’ll make others see the people who raised you.

It’s exhausting and confusing, but recognizing this pattern is the first step in reclaiming your wins as your own. They are your victories, no one else’s.

3) They ruled with criticism and comparison

Narcissistic parents often use criticism and comparison as tools for control. They constantly point out your flaws, and compare you unfavorably with others.

In fact, research shows that children of narcissistic parents are more likely to struggle with self-esteem issues and anxiety as they grow older.

You were probably always expected to be the best, but even when you were, it was never good enough. They would compare you to your friends, your siblings, or even to themselves when they were your age.

Living under that kind of scrutiny creates an internal voice that follows you into adulthood. You might become your harshest critic, never allowing yourself to feel satisfied with anything you achieve.

Worse, you could find yourself comparing your own life to others, always feeling like you’re falling short.

It’s a heavy weight to carry, but once you recognize where it’s coming from, you can start to silence those voices that were never yours to begin with.

4) Your needs were often overlooked

In a healthy parent-child relationship, the needs of the child are prioritized – but that’s not usually the case with narcissistic parents.

They’d often dismiss your feelings, ignore your needs, and minimize your struggles. You might have felt like you were walking on eggshells, always trying to avoid triggering their anger or disapproval.

It’s likely you grew up feeling neglected or unheard, having to take care of yourself emotionally from a young age.

5) Life always felt like an emotional roller coaster

Have you ever felt like your emotions were constantly swinging from one extreme to another, without ever feeling truly stable?

That’s what life can feel like when you’re raised by a narcissistic parent—an emotional roller coaster you didn’t sign up for.

One minute, they might shower you with praise and affection, making you feel like you’re the center of their world.

But in the blink of an eye, that affection can turn to anger, disappointment, or cold indifference, leaving you wondering what you did wrong.

This unpredictability creates a sense of emotional whiplash. You become hyper-vigilant, always on edge, trying to anticipate their mood and adjust yourself accordingly.

Over time, this constant emotional turbulence teaches you that love and approval are conditional, and they can be taken away at any moment.

It’s exhausting, and it often leads to deep-seated anxiety or a fear of conflict because you never know when things will take a sudden turn for the worse.

Recognizing this emotional instability is crucial to healing and learning what healthy, stable relationships actually feel like.

6) You were given too much responsibility

As a child, did you find yourself in a strange position where you became your parent’s confidante, counselor, or caretaker instead of simply enjoying your childhood?

This is called “parentification.” And according to psychotherapist Amanda Robins, “It seems to be common in narcissistic families where the family is structured around getting the needs of parents met, rather than providing a healthy environment where children are nurtured.”

You were probably expected to take care of their emotional needs, to always be there for them, and to put their needs before your own.

This role reversal can leave you feeling burdened and stressed, even into adulthood.

7) Your parent was never wrong

Finally, narcissistic parents have a hard time accepting that they could ever be wrong. They tend to blame others for their mistakes, often shifting the blame onto their children.

If you tried to confront them or voice your opinion, they likely dismissed it or turned the situation around to make it seem like you were the one at fault.

Growing up in an environment where your parent is always right and you’re always wrong can lead to feelings of self-doubt and a lack of confidence in your own judgement.

As an adult, you might find yourself second-guessing your decisions, unsure if you’re ever truly in the right.

The idea of standing up for yourself becomes terrifying because, deep down, you’ve been conditioned to believe that your feelings or opinions don’t hold any weight.

But it’s important to remember that their inability to accept fault was never about you. It was about their need to maintain control, and understanding that can be a powerful step in rebuilding your trust in your own judgment.

Closing thoughts

If you’ve made it this far, take a moment to acknowledge the strength within you. Recognizing the signs of a narcissistic parent isn’t easy, especially when it involves looking back at your own upbringing.

Perhaps the most important point to remember is this – it’s not your fault. You didn’t choose to be born to a narcissistic parent and their behavior isn’t a reflection of you or your worth.

You are not responsible for their actions or their happiness. It’s okay to prioritize your own wellbeing and seek help if you need it.

So be patient with yourself. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. Allow yourself to grieve for the childhood you deserved but didn’t get.

Find comfort in knowing that you’re not alone and that the journey towards healing has already begun.