I used to think love was enough to carry a relationship through the years.

As we grow older, it’s not just love that keeps a relationship thriving; it’s the willingness to let go of the habits that quietly hold us back.

So, if you’re ready to make your relationship bloom, let’s look at nine behaviors you’ll want to leave behind. Trust me, it’s worth it.

1) Saying “You always” or “You never”

Now, let’s dive into the first behavior we need to leave behind – making absolute statements like “you always” or “you never”.

These phrases may seem harmless, but psychologists warn that they can create a defensive response and shut down communication.

It’s like painting your partner with a broad brush, without considering their efforts or changes they may have made.

Instead of making sweeping accusations, focus on specific instances and express how those situations made you feel. This approach not only opens up room for a constructive conversation but also invites empathy.

If you want your relationship to thrive as you age, it’s crucial to communicate effectively and avoid absolute statements.

2) Holding onto grudges

The second behavior to let go of is holding onto grudges. I learned this the hard way.

A few years back, I had a disagreement with my partner over something that, in hindsight, was insignificant.

But at that moment, it felt like the end of the world. I held onto that grudge for weeks, letting it sour our interactions.

One day, while we were sitting in silence after another round of cold conversation, a thought struck me.

Was that disagreement really worth all these weeks of bitterness? The answer was a resounding ‘no’.

So, I decided to let go of the grudge. It wasn’t easy but when I did, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

From that day forward, I made it a point not to let minor disagreements fester into major resentments.

It’s absolutely normal to disagree in a relationship but according to experts, holding onto grudges can only lead to unnecessary strain.

In conclusion, if you want your relationship to age like fine wine, learn to forgive and forget. Trust me, it’s worth it!

3) Trying to change your partner

Have you ever tried to squeeze an elephant into a mini cooper? It sounds absurd, right?

Well, that’s pretty much what you’re attempting when you try to change your partner.

Every individual is unique, with their own set of quirks and idiosyncrasies.

Instead of trying to mold your partner into your ideal vision, embrace their individuality. Acceptance is key in a relationship.

So, if you’re rooting for a long-lasting relationship, make sure you’re not trying to change your partner.

Instead, celebrate their uniqueness – it’s one of the reasons you fell in love with them in the first place!

4) Avoiding difficult conversations

No one likes to dive into uncomfortable conversations, right? It’s so much easier to sweep them under the rug and pretend they don’t exist.

However, avoiding difficult discussions is a behavior you’ll need to say goodbye to if you want your relationship to thrive.

Whether it’s about financial issues, familial problems, or future plans, these tough talks are pivotal.

They may be challenging but they also provide an opportunity for growth and understanding.

By addressing these issues head-on, you’re not only resolving potential conflict but also demonstrating a level of trust and commitment in your relationship.

Dodging these discussions may seem convenient in the short run, but in the long run, it’s better to buckle up and have those difficult conversations.

5) Neglecting your own needs

When we are in love, it’s easy to put our partner’s needs ahead of our own.

We often do this in the hope of making them happy or maintaining harmony. But constantly neglecting your own needs can lead to resentment and dissatisfaction.

Keep in mind that self-care isn’t selfish. It’s okay to prioritize your own needs and desires from time to time.

A healthy relationship requires two fulfilled individuals who can contribute positively to each other’s lives.

So, the next time you find yourself sidelining your needs for your partner’s, take a pause.

A thriving relationship is a two-way street. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself too!

6) Taking each other for granted

Over time, it’s easy to fall into the comfort of routine and start taking each other for granted.

The early days’ excitement fades, and we begin to overlook the little things that once made us appreciate our partner.

But let me tell you this – the moment we start taking our partner for granted is the moment we start losing them.

We forget to express love, to appreciate the small gestures, to say ‘thank you’ for just being there.

Love grows through small moments of appreciation that make your partner feel valued and cherished. So, pay attention to those little things and express your gratitude.

If you want your relationship to thrive as you age, never forget the magic of appreciation. It will keep your love fresh, vibrant and deeply connected, no matter how many years pass by.

7) Keeping score

In my early years of being in a relationship, I used to keep a mental tally of who did what.

If I cooked dinner, I expected my partner to wash the dishes. If I did the laundry, I expected them to fold it. This tit-for-tat approach seemed fair in my head.

But over time, I realized this scorekeeping was sowing seeds of discontent.

It was breeding a competition instead of fostering love. Each unmet expectation was adding to a pile of disappointments.

So one day, I decided to stop keeping score. I started doing things out of love and not as part of some unspoken contract.

And you know what? It was freeing! It made my relationship less about transactions and more about unconditional love and care.

So if you’re keeping score in your relationship, it’s time to drop the tally. Love means about supporting each other through life’s ups and downs.

8) Refusing to apologize

We all make mistakes. It’s a part of being human.

But when we mess up in our relationship, it’s crucial to own up to it and apologize.

Refusing to apologize when you’re wrong creates a wall of stubborn pride between you and your partner.

It sends out a message that being right is more important to you than their feelings.

On the other hand, a sincere apology can soothe hurt feelings, mend bridges, and foster a sense of respect and understanding in your relationship.

So, if you’ve made a mistake, don’t shy away from saying ‘I’m sorry’.

It’s not a sign of weakness, but a mark of maturity that can significantly contribute to the longevity of your relationship.

9) Forgetting to spend quality time together

In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to forget to spend quality time with our partners.

Between work, chores, social obligations, and perhaps even kids, finding time for each other can become a challenge.

But here’s the thing – it’s those shared moments of joy, laughter, and intimacy that keep the spark alive in a relationship.

It’s the late-night talks, the shared hobbies, the impromptu date nights, or just cuddling on the couch watching your favorite show together.

So no matter how busy life gets, make time for each other.

It’s the best investment you can make in your relationship. After all, at the end of the day, it’s not about having time, it’s about making time.

Final thoughts

The truth is, relationships are anything but static.

They grow, shift, and require us to show up differently as the years go by. 

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: love is something you choose, day after day. And choosing love often means choosing growth, patience, and a willingness to adapt.

With a little effort and a lot of care, your love can deepen, grow stronger, and thrive beautifully through the years.