If you really want your life to be less chaotic, say goodbye to these 9 subtle habits
One of my rudest awakenings when I hit adulthood was how life is full of chaos.
Up until then, my life had been carefully structured, thanks to my parents who did their best to give me a fairly orderly life.
Once I was out in the real world, where I was suddenly in charge of my own time and decisions, I was shocked by how challenging it was to keep things balanced.
I struggled with accepting that much of life was actually out of my control, no matter how carefully I planned things.
That’s the reality right there—life isn’t going to wait for you to get a handle on things.
You’ve got to have a system that can keep the chaos down and stop you from feeling frazzled.
Like any attempt at organization, it all begins with weeding out things that no longer serve you and bog you down.
So today, let’s take a look at that. Here are nine habits to say goodbye to if you want your life to feel less chaotic:
1) Letting clutter accumulate
Let’s start with your environment.
After all, according to research, a scattered space makes us scatterbrained.
It’s harder to focus when your eyes constantly rest on disorganization and your brain gets overloaded.
Not only that, but studies also show that clutter raises the production of the stress hormone cortisol.
In other words, mess = stress!
If you don’t know where to begin, I suggest these tips below that have worked well – and continue to – for me:
- Create a “home” for everything so you know where they “live”. That way, you don’t run around like a headless chicken looking for something when you need it!
- Use the 5-minute rule: if something only takes 5 minutes or less to put away, do it right away instead of letting it sit there for days, weeks, or even months.
- Everyday, dedicate 10 or 15 minutes to tidying up or decluttering. It won’t feel so overwhelming when you break it down to smaller, doable time frames.
Life is already chaotic on its own, but when you keep your physical space free of clutter, you get to feel a sense of control somehow.
2) Overcommitting
Now, take a look at your schedule. Is it a little too cluttered as well?
I know very well what a cluttered calendar looks like. I used to say “yes” to every single invite that crossed my path, and take on more work than I should have.
The result? Unnecessary stress—A feeling like I can’t catch my breath, a feeling like I’ve gone and wasted my time again, and I don’t even know why I keep doing it.
Time management coach Anna Dearmon Kornick lays out the 5 root causes of overcommitting:
- Equating being needed with being worthy
- Fear of missing out
- Fear of damaging relationships
- Being disorganized
- Fear of missing out on money
She further advises to have an “enough” number. How much is enough for you? (Hint: it’s not as high as you imagine it is!)
Your “enough” number will tell you where to draw the line, and that’s so important in maintaining your health and sanity.
3) Allowing people to disrespect your boundaries
The “enough” number is exactly what you need to know if you want to set healthy boundaries for yourself as well.
As Dearmon Kornick says, “Your ‘enough’ number is everything for preserving your boundaries.”
What behaviors do you tolerate but shouldn’t?
Maybe you let people interrupt or talk over you.
Maybe you let them show up late all the time to dates and meetings.
Maybe you let them manipulate your emotions or guilt you into doing things you don’t want to do.
Behaviors like these can easily create inner turmoil. A sense that these things shouldn’t be happening, so why do they keep happening?
Well, an orderly life begins with you. Other people, you can’t control them. You can simply choose to not let them turn your life upside down by being firm with your boundaries.
4) Procrastination
Sometimes, we are our own worst enemy, though. And nowhere is this more evident than in the nasty habit of procrastination.
Procrastination makes life more chaotic than it actually is because first, it creates clutter in the brain.
You may not be doing the actual task, but it’s still right there, occupying space in your head.
Second, it’s clearly linked to anxiety, in a terrible negative loop.
The more anxious we are, the more we procrastinate. The more we procrastinate, the more anxious we get. Aargh!
Look, it’s true that there’s much about life that we can’t control.
But our own behavior? That’s entirely within our purview.
The 5-minute rule can come in handy here, too. According to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy LA:
“Using the 5-minute rule, you set a goal of doing whatever it is you would otherwise avoid, but you only do it for a set amount of time: five minutes.
“If, after five minutes, it’s so horrible that you have to stop, you’re free to do so.”
Chances are, once you get going, you won’t be likely to stop.
5) Multitasking
Another habit that can make life seem more chaotic than it actually is is multitasking.
Imagine yourself as an octopus with all eight hands doing something.
I mean, just looking at that image can make you feel harried and frazzled, right?
That’s exactly what you’re asking your brain to do when you multitask.
And the thing is, it’s deceiving.
You think you’re accomplishing more, but you actually aren’t.
Research shows that multitasking impacts the brain negatively – it reduces comprehension, attention and overall performance.
So give your brain—and your spirit—a break and focus on one thing at a time.
You might go slower, but your output will be much better, and you’ll feel less stressed.
6) Constant connectivity
Speaking of overloading the brain, that’s what constant connectivity does, too; smartphones buzzing with notifications, emails demanding immediate replies, an endless social media feed…
It’s just piece after piece of information that stresses out the brain.
No wonder life feels chaotic!
In fact, did you know that just the mere presence of your phone, even if it’s turned off, reduces your cognitive capacity?
So give yourself some unplugged time.
Contrary to what the modern world would have you think, you don’t have to stay connected all the time.
7) Gossip
If you’re not the type to gossip, that’s great!
You probably already know how much it disturbs your peace.
But if you often engage in gossip—whether to bond with other people or to fill gaps in conversation—it might be time to say goodbye to this habit.
Gossip, by its nature, tends to spread negativity and mistrust.
The end result, I can assure you, is just conflict—unnecessary, energy-draining drama.
Even if you manage to get away with it and the person you’re gossiping about never gets wind of it, you still earn an unfortunate reputation for yourself.
As the saying goes, “What you say about others says more about you.”
What’s more, gossip sneakily skews your perception of people and situations, and eventually you come to have a more cynical or negative worldview.
This brings me to my next point…
8) Being pessimistic and complaining
I once had a co-worker who had a rather pessimistic view of life.
She preferred to call herself a realist, but judging from the way she constantly complained, I can’t say I agree with her self-assessment.
The problem with having this kind of attitude is that it magnifies the negatives in life.
And it even finds negatives where there aren’t.
Basically, a pessimistic view gives us a lens that distorts reality.
So, things can seem more insurmountable even if they’re actually just small setbacks.
Life is chaotic, for sure, but it’s also beautiful.
But if you’ve got a habit of complaining, you’ll miss out on that beauty.
All you’ll see is the chaos.
What might help is to bring that lens into proper perspective.
Shift the way you see things; look at what’s going well!
Trust me, you’ll find that there’s a lot of those lying around!
And if there’s anything that’s less than stellar, focus on how it can be improved, instead of going on and on about it and feeling helpless.
Again, you are in control of your own thought patterns and behavior.
That way, you can bring down those feelings of chaos and make life feel more manageable.
9) Not spending enough time alone
Lastly, are you spending enough time in solitude?
Solitude gets a bad rap because people think it’s lonely—but I disagree!
In fact, if I don’t get my alone time, that’s when life gets overwhelming and stressful.
Oftentimes, when life seems too chaotic, it’s because we’ve lost touch with ourselves.
We’ve become ungrounded, adrift, just carried along by the waves.
Psychology educator Kendra Cherry says, “Having time for yourself gives you the chance to break free from social pressures and tap into your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences.”
This is so important because a strong sense of self grounds us and makes us feel stable even when life is in full-blown chaos.
So reconnect with yourself each day. Figure out what makes you feel more like you.
Is it being in nature? Reading a book? Sitting in a cafe and people-watching?
Whatever it is, it’s important to make time for it.
Give yourself a space where you can recalibrate and refocus, where you can reclaim a sense of self and inner peace.
Final thoughts
It took me a good number of years to come up with my own system for feeling grounded in the midst of chaos.
And in doing so, what I’ve realized is that acceptance is key.
Acceptance that we can’t control everything; acceptance that we’ll fail sometimes, acceptance that life calls for flexibility if you want to stay strong.
Chaos doesn’t have to rule your life.
You can’t control it, but you can control your responses to it.
And believe me, once you manage to do that, you’ll even be able to find beauty in the unpredictability of it all!