Everyone wants their children to be successful in life. It’s kind of the rule.

Not everybody goes about it the right way, though.

Look, I’m not here to lecture you. Parenting is an incredibly tough job. The toughest of them all, if you think about it. Every parent tries their best within the capacity that they have.

But the best parents out there are always open to a little bit of feedback and (solicited) advice so that they can learn new lessons, grow, and see their kids succeed in life.

So, if you really want your kids to grow up to be happy and successful…

Here are my 7 tips.

1) Accept them for their true self, not their role self

Let’s get the ball rolling with the most important one of all: acceptance and unconditional love.

It sounds easy in theory, yet far too many parents impose certain standards and expectations upon their kids, expressing affection depending on whether their children rise to the task or not.

Instead of embracing their children as independent individuals who have an authentic and autonomous core, they imagine them as ideals, be it the perfect daughter, the golden son, or the kid who will fulfill all their failed dreams so that they can live vicariously through them.

And since all a child wants is their parent’s love and affection, they often resort to a coping mechanism that helps them gain as much attention as possible even though it doesn’t align with their true sense of self.

They develop what the psychologist Lindsay C. Gibson refers to as “a role self.”

As she writes in her book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, “These children are likely to feel that their true selves aren’t enough to engage their parents. As a result, they start believing that the only way to be noticed is to become something other than who they really are.”

“Sadly, the true self, which consists of a child’s innate aptitudes and genuine feelings, takes a backseat to what seems necessary to secure a place in the family,” she goes on. “Although the true self still exists beneath the surface, it’s often squelched by family rules that put the parent’s needs first.”

But true success and happiness aren’t about putting on a front just to please someone or to be noticed. They’re the complete opposite.

Therefore, the most important way to ensure your kids grow up to be happy and successful is to teach them that their authenticity is welcome and encouraged rather than rejected and dismissed.

2) Teach them how to set boundaries

As someone who grew up with parents who didn’t teach me the importance of boundaries, it’s taken me many years to stand my ground, say what I need and want from others, and stop being a people-pleaser.

And if there’s one thing that prevents people from reaching success and happiness, it’s got to be people-pleasing and the inability to establish personal boundaries.

You can’t exist in healthy long-term relationships with others without expressing how you feel, working through problems, and fighting for yourself.

It’s impossible. One way or another, you’re going to get trampled on – or you may even trample on others because that’s what you’re used to seeing at home.

Unfortunately, many parents don’t teach their kids how to set boundaries because they benefit from their children having none. It gives them more power, which may make them feel like the whole parenting job is a tad easier because no one “talks back” or “disrespects” them.

Little do they know that when you teach your kids that their wishes and needs should be respected – and show them that respect yourself (to a reasonable degree) – they will automatically hold you in higher esteem.

Why?

Because they’ll feel seen, understood, accepted, and supported.

Not to mention that boundary-setting is a skill that will equip them for future relationships, be it romance, friendships, or professional networking.

3) Show them the importance of mindfulness and emotional self-regulation

I absolutely love the movie Inside Out.

Not only is it adorable but it also teaches children an incredibly important lesson: that all their feelings are important and valid, no matter how uncomfortable.

It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to feel ashamed or guilty. It’s okay to be sad.

So many parents don’t teach their kids these lessons – primarily because they haven’t been taught it themselves – which then means their children never learn to name and process their feelings in a healthy way that allows them to grow emotionally.

If you want your children to be as happy and successful as possible, try to spend less time forcing them to study Physics and more time showing them how to sit with their feelings, be mindful of their surroundings, and meditate a little.

According to the Child Mind Institute, “The benefit of mindfulness for kids is that it helps them feel calmer. Then they can learn to notice their feelings, even upsetting ones, with some distance. Mindfulness can help them feel less anxious or stop them from having a tantrum if they are frustrated or angry.”

4) Teach them that failure is part of growth

One of the major mistakes I see parents make is that they flip out every time their children make a mistake.

From getting a bad grade at school to not cleaning something properly or losing in an athletic competition, some children have such strict parents that every small failure is magnified and turned into a complete disaster.

This doesn’t only breed perfectionism but it also leads to increased anxiety, not to mention it discourages a lot of kids from pursuing their dreams because they are so afraid of failing that they would rather not try in the first place.

This is, of course, a complete antidote to success.

And that’s because failure is an inevitable part of success. You can’t become exceptional at something unless you’re a beginner. You can’t master a skill unless you try and fail and try again.

Every little failure is one step further toward success.

Thus the key to resilience.

5) Introduce them to the world of books from an early age

The best thing my mom ever did was to get me a library card at the age of four. Every week, we’d go to the library and leave with a pile of books in our arms, excited to get through them and come back ready for more.

The library became my second home, and thanks to having read so many books at such an early age, I have always harbored a lust for knowledge, a vast imagination, a great deal of empathy, and dreams of becoming a writer (that have now become my reality).

Surrounding your children with books is truly one of the most impactful things you could ever do for them.

It has so many benefits I couldn’t even count them if I tried. As Robert Taibbi L.C.S.W. writes for Psychology Today, reading:

• Teaches empathy
• Helps children make sense of the world
• Increases attention span
• Improves vocabulary
• Teaches emotional processing
• Boosts mental well-being by providing communication tools

He further says, “I’ve long believed that if there is one thing that you could do to bolster your child’s mental health, it’s read to them even at the earliest of ages. If it’s not part of your daily routines, build it in, even if it’s for 10 minutes.”

6) Pave the path to financial literacy

Everything I know about financial literacy has come from my own online research as an adult.

Growing up, all I knew was that loans were quite bad – and yet most of the adults I knew had loans – and that saving up was good – and yet most of the adults I knew splurged and lived paycheck to paycheck.

Financial literacy isn’t properly taught at schools, which means that the only adults who can pave the path are our parents. Yet it is often our parents who set a bad example.

While money isn’t the number one key to happiness, financial comfort absolutely is important. I say that as someone who grew up in financial scarcity and gets to live pretty comfortably now.

Money can, in fact, change everything.

Therefore, one of the best ways to help your kids reach success in life is to educate them on budgeting, investing, the compound effect, inflation, and interest rates.

(Try to do so through fun and interactive games rather than boring lectures.)

7) Highlight the value of kindness and empathy

Finally, if money isn’t the number one key to happiness, what is?

The quality of your close relationships.

Yep, that’s right. One of the longest studies on happiness proves it.

If you want your kid to be happy and successful, teach them how to exist in healthy long-term relationships where boundaries are respected, love is reciprocated, and where kindness and empathy are paramount.

Because true success isn’t about how high you can climb on a societal ladder or how much of an academic weapon you are.

It’s got everything to do with living an authentic life full of high-quality relationships.

It’s about connection.