Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, and it definitely doesn’t stop when your kids hit 18.

In fact, as your children transition into adulthood, the whole game changes. The ways you used to handle things when they were little won’t cut it anymore.

It’s time to take a hard look at some of the habits you might be holding onto. Letting go of these nine habits is crucial if you want your grown kids to really listen and take your advice to heart.

It’s about evolving together and keeping that bond strong, ensuring that respect flows both ways.

If you want your adult children to take you seriously, here are 9 habits to say goodbye to.

1) Over-parenting

As a parent myself, I know how difficult it is to let go of that instinct to protect and guide your children at every step.

But here’s the thing – they aren’t kids anymore, they’re adults. They need to make their own decisions, learn from their own mistakes, and grow in their own ways.

Sure, you might have the wisdom that comes with experience, but nothing can replace the lessons that life itself teaches.

So if you’re constantly stepping in, making decisions for them, or trying to shield them from the harsh realities of life – stop. This habit of over-parenting can be more detrimental than helpful.

Respect their autonomy. Give advice when asked, and support when needed, but remember to take a step back and let them navigate their own paths.

If you want your adult children to take you seriously, it’s essential to respect them as the adults they are. And that means letting go of your over-parenting instincts. Trust me, they’ll appreciate you for it.

2) Lecturing instead of listening

I’ll be honest, I’ve been guilty of this one myself.

There was a time when my daughter came to me with a problem. She was struggling with a difficult coworker and didn’t know how to handle the situation.

Instead of giving her the space to vent and share her concerns, I instantly went into lecture mode, pretty much like how I used to when she was a child.

I began telling her what she should do, and how she should react. I thought I was helping, but the look on her face said otherwise. She didn’t need a lecture; she needed someone to listen.

We often forget that our adult children have matured and learned from their own experiences. They aren’t looking for us to solve their problems; they’re looking for support and understanding.

So, if you want your adult children to take you seriously, swap the lecturing for listening. Hear them out, understand their perspective, and validate their feelings. 

3) Disregarding their opinion

It’s natural to have strong views, especially when it comes to your children.

But they’re adults now, with their own set of beliefs and opinions. And these views deserve to be acknowledged and respected.

Even if you don’t agree with their stance, it’s crucial to show them that their opinions matter to you.

This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say, but respectful dialogue can strengthen your bond and create a more open environment.

When they see you valuing their opinion, they will extend that same respect to you. 

4) Ignoring their boundaries

Just like you, your adult children have their own lives. They have careers, relationships, hobbies, and responsibilities. And with these come boundaries.

It’s crucial to respect these boundaries. Maybe they can’t call you every day, or perhaps they need some space during difficult times.

Whatever the boundaries are, acknowledging and respecting them is key to maintaining a healthy relationship.

And here’s the thing: When you respect their boundaries, they’re more likely to respect yours in return.

This mutual respect helps create an environment of trust and understanding, which is vital if you want your adult children to take you seriously.

So next time, before stepping into their space uninvited or insisting on your way, stop and consider their boundaries. It can make a world of difference.

5) Being judgmental

It’s quite a common scenario for adult children to have that feeling of dread when their parents come and visit.

Do you know why? Because they’re afraid of being judged.

Again, your adult children will make their own choices, and maybe a few mistakes along with those choices.

And it might be hard to see it and not say anything, but this is actually a wise approach.

You see, how we react when our adult children stumble can significantly affect our relationship with them.

Being judgmental or criticizing their choices won’t help them grow. Instead, it may push them away and make them less likely to share their life with you. 

In fact, based on research by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, criticism is one of what they call the “Four Horsemen”, the four predictors of relationship death. 

What’s more, it can lead to the worst of the Four Horsemen: contempt. 

Try to approach their mistakes or differing choices with understanding and compassion. Offer guidance if they seek it, but avoid unsolicited criticism.

I truly believe that we parents should be our children’s safe space, no matter how old they are. And to do that, we need to make them feel comfortable discussing their life without the fear of judgment. 

This brings me to the next point…

6) Avoiding difficult conversations

I recall a time when my son was going through a tough break-up. The pain in his eyes was visible, but we both played safe, choosing to talk about everything else but the elephant in the room.

It took a few weeks before I gathered the courage to bring up the topic. And to my surprise, he opened up.

He had been waiting for me to acknowledge his pain, to show him that it’s okay to talk about uncomfortable things.

We often avoid difficult conversations, thinking it’s for the best. But this can send the wrong message. It might make our children feel that their struggles are invalid or not worth discussing.

Instead, tackling these conversations head-on can show them that you’re there for them, in good times and bad.

So, if you want your adult children to take you seriously, don’t shy away from difficult conversations. They might be uncomfortable, but they’re necessary.

7) Holding onto the past

It’s easy to look back and reminisce about the days when our children were little when we had more control over their lives and decisions.

But be careful not to hold on too tightly. Because it can prevent you from fully embracing the present.

The fact is, our children have grown up. They’ve changed, evolved, and become adults with their own identities. We need to recognize and appreciate their growth, instead of yearning for the days gone by.

When we let go of the past and accept our children for who they are now, we open doors to deeper connections and meaningful conversations. This acceptance is the cornerstone of mutual respect.

If you want your adult children to take you seriously, it’s important to connect with them in the present and respect their journey.

It’s a journey that you’ve had a hand in shaping, but one that they’re navigating themselves now. 

8) Failing to apologize

Most parents find the idea of apologizing to their children ridiculous, probably because they think that it might weaken their authority. 

In reality, it’s the opposite. Admitting when you’re wrong and offering a sincere apology shows strength, humility, and respect.

It sets a powerful example for your adult children and shows them that everyone, regardless of age or status, can make mistakes and should take responsibility for them.

So if you’ve made a mistake or hurt their feelings, don’t hesitate to apologize. You want to show them that you value your relationship more than your ego.

It’s a lesson they’ll carry forward in their own relationships, and it’s a habit that can only strengthen your bond.

9) Forgetting to express love

No matter how old they get, your children need to know you love them. It’s the security blanket they carry into adulthood, the foundation on which they build their lives.

So make it a habit to tell them how much you love them. It could be through words, actions, gestures – whatever feels most natural to you. But let it be known.

Because at the end of the day, your love is what they’ll remember, what they’ll lean on in tough times, and what will truly make them take you seriously.