As parents, we all want to set a strong example for our kids. But, let’s be honest—sometimes, our actions don’t exactly align with the lessons we’re hoping to teach.

I’ve certainly had my moments of realizing that while I want my children to grow up with healthy habits and mindsets, I might be unintentionally modeling the opposite. That’s when I started paying closer attention to the behaviors that could be sending the wrong message.

Our children pick up on everything—both the positive and the negative. If we truly want to guide them toward becoming their best selves, it’s time to let go of some habits that might be holding them back.

Today, we’ll explore five such behaviors that, once eliminated, can have a huge impact on the way we shape our kids’ values and outlook on life.

Ready to make a change?

Let’s dive in.

1) Instant gratification

We live in a world of immediate rewards.

With just a click or swipe, we can get what we want almost instantly. Whether it’s ordering food that arrives within minutes, binge-watching an entire TV series without waiting for weekly episodes, or getting next-day delivery with a single tap, convenience has become the norm.

While this convenience can be great, it also sets unrealistic expectations—especially for kids. They see us getting what we want right away and expect the same for themselves. 

Research suggests that teaching them this habit isn’t doing our kids any favors.  

In a famous study known as the Marshmallow Test, children were given a choice between eating one marshmallow immediately or waiting 15 minutes to receive two. Those who waited demonstrated better outcomes later in life, including higher academic success and emotional resilience.

Leading by example means showing patience and the value of dedication and hard work. It’s about teaching kids that good things come to those who wait—and even better things come to those who work for it.

2) Not practicing what you preach

Kids are like sponges, they absorb everything around them. This includes our behaviors and actions, even when we think they aren’t watching.

It’s easy to tell your kids to be polite, honest, and respectful. But if your actions don’t reflect these values, your words lose their impact.

Remember, actions speak louder than words. If you’re preaching honesty but lying about why you’re late for dinner, it’s time to reassess and say goodbye to such behavior.

3) Excessive screen time

Let’s face it: we’re all guilty of spending too much time glued to our screens.

I remember one weekend, I was so engrossed in my phone, scrolling through social media and checking work emails, that I didn’t even notice my son trying to show me his latest Lego creation.

That moment was a wake-up call. I realized that my excessive screen time was not only robbing me of precious moments with my son but was also setting a poor example for him.

As noted by researchers, excessive screen usage can lead to issues in social-emotional development, including obesity, sleep disturbances, depression, and anxiety. It can also impair emotional comprehension, encourage aggressive behavior, and hinder social and emotional skills.

None of us want these things for our kids, of course. But are we unintentionally encouraging such behavior?

I was.

Since then, I’ve made a conscious effort to cut down on my screen time. It’s not easy, but seeing my son’s face light up when I give him my undivided attention makes it all worth it. And hopefully, he’ll learn from my actions and have a healthier relationship with screens as he grows up.

4) Negative self-talk

We all have moments of self-doubt and insecurity. But how we handle these moments can have a big impact on our kids.

If they constantly hear us belittling ourselves, they might start to do the same. They might think it’s normal to be harsh and critical towards oneself.

But here’s the thing: everyone makes mistakes and has flaws. It’s part of being human. It’s important to show our kids that it’s okay not to be perfect all the time and that we should treat ourselves with kindness and understanding.

Next time you mess up, instead of saying “I’m so stupid”, try saying something like “I made a mistake, but I’ll learn from it”. Your kids will pick up on this positive self-talk and, hopefully, adopt it too.

5) Neglecting self-care

This one might seem odd on this list, but hear me out. 

We often put our kids’ needs before our own. But remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself is as important as taking care of your kids.

If you’re always tired, stressed, or unhappy, your kids will pick up on it. They’ll think it’s normal to neglect self-care.

Moreover, as noted by experts like those at Psych Central, not taking time for your self-care can result in you having less patience with your kids. 

Show them that it’s okay, in fact, necessary, to take time for yourself. Whether it’s reading a book, going for a run, or just enjoying a quiet cup of coffee, these moments of self-care are crucial for your well-being.

So don’t feel guilty about prioritizing your health and happiness because a happy parent leads to a happy child.

Final thought: It’s a journey

In the hustle of daily life, it’s easy to fall into patterns that, without realizing it, may be setting the wrong example for our kids.

But the good news is, by becoming more mindful of our own behaviors and making small but meaningful changes, we can start to positively shape their values and habits.

Letting go of instant gratification, limiting screen time, practicing what we preach, using positive self-talk, and prioritizing self-care are all powerful steps toward raising confident, resilient children.

At the end of the day, our kids learn as much from what we do as from what we say—and when we make an effort to be our best selves, we’re showing them how to do the same.

The journey isn’t about being perfect, but about being intentional. Let’s continue to grow alongside our kids, leading by example every step of the way.