Like it or not, we all want to find love.

That’s why we glamorize all those cheesy rom-coms and eat up every formulaic Disney film—because we all dream of happily ever after.

So if you’re single, it’s easy to feel left out, especially if you have a lot of friends who are already in committed relationships.

But here’s the truth:

You’re probably your own worst enemy when it comes to finding love.

In fact, you might be beholden to self-sabotaging behaviors that keep you from finding the love you need.

Well, if you want to be free from such behaviors and finally find love, this article is for you!

Below, we’ll discuss the 10 self-sabotaging behaviors you need to say goodbye to if you really want to find love.

Let’s begin.

1) You’re fixated on the past

One of the most common behaviors that can sabotage your quest for love is being fixated on the past.

While it’s natural to carry scars from past relationships, dwelling on the past can prevent you from finding love.

Making comparisons with your ex or constantly worrying about repeating past mistakes not only makes you unhappy; it also blocks the possibility of love from entering your life.

You think it’s just being cautious, and maybe it’s true. To a degree, it is a form of self-preservation.

But maybe it’s worth asking yourself if this self-preservation has turned into self-sabotage.

So maybe it’s time to move on from the past. Learn the lessons, remember the mistakes so you don’t repeat them, and forgive yourself for having committed them.

Only then will you be free to find the love you deserve.

2) You’re setting unrealistic expectations

In the past, I had this picture-perfect image of what love should look like, influenced heavily by romantic movies and novels.

I was looking for someone who would fit into that mold perfectly, and as a result, I kept overlooking genuine connections that didn’t match up to my unrealistic expectations.

It was only after a close friend pointed this out that I realized I was self-sabotaging.

And it was what was holding me back from finding love.

Because the truth is, nobody’s perfect.

Setting unrealistic expectations doesn’t only build pressure on your potential partner—it will also leave you feeling perpetually dissatisfied.

Learning to accept people for who they are, flaws and all, is a major step towards finding true love.

3) You’re afraid of vulnerability

Vulnerability is scary. That’s why so many of us choose to avoid it at all costs.

And it’s also why it’s one of the top reasons we sabotage our chances at finding love.

This fear stems from our instinctual need to protect ourselves from emotional harm. It’s a defense mechanism that kicks in when we sense the possibility of getting hurt.

And when you’re afraid of being vulnerable, you tend to keep your feelings to yourself, avoid deep conversations, and shy away from expressing your true emotions.

But vulnerability is at the core of deep, meaningful connections.

We need to take off that emotional armor and allow someone to truly see us—the good, the bad, and everything in between.

Because opening up doesn’t always mean we’ll get hurt.

On the contrary, it paves the way for a more authentic and deeper connection with our potential partner.

So take that leap of faith—I swear, it’s worth it!

4) You’re not practicing self-love

Self-love is the foundation of any successful relationship, yet so many of us neglect it.

When you don’t love yourself, you’re more likely to settle for less than you deserve. You put up with mistreatment or disrespect because you don’t believe you’re worthy of being loved properly.

Practicing self-love means acknowledging your worth and not settling for anything less. It’s knowing that you deserve to be loved and treated with respect.

So before you look for love in someone else, make sure you’ve found it within yourself first.

5) You’re terrified of rejection

Let’s be real here:

Rejection sucks. It’s a punch to the gut, a blow to our self-esteem.

It makes us question our worth, and sometimes it even makes us want to give up on love altogether.

That’s why, to a degree, we’re all afraid of rejection.

Fear of it can turn into self-sabotaging behaviors such as:

• Holding back your true feelings
• Hesitating to express your needs
• Refusing to be vulnerable
• Avoiding relationships altogether

And this is all because we convince ourselves that it’s better not to try than to face the possibility of being turned down.

But the truth is, rejection is a part of life, especially when it comes to love.

Every “no” brings you one step closer to a “yes”.

And more importantly, every heartbreak teaches you something valuable about what you truly want and don’t want in a relationship.

6) You’re rushing the process

We live in a world where everything is instant, from food to entertainment.

And sometimes, we expect our love life to follow the same fast pace.

Because of this, you might feel pressure to find your soulmate before a certain age or milestone.

Maybe you’re the last single person in your friend group, or perhaps you feel like you’re running out of time.

But love isn’t something that can be rushed. It’s not a race or a competition. It’s a journey that unfolds at its own pace.

It’s perfectly okay if you haven’t found “the one” yet. It doesn’t mean you’re unlovable or that there’s something wrong with you.

Because the time you spend on your own is valuable, too.

By investing in yourself now, you’re also investing for the future of your relationships.

7) You’re not expressing your needs

Have you ever found yourself nodding along to a plan you’re not really keen on? Or biting your tongue when something bothers you, just to avoid conflict?

I know I have.

In an effort to please others or maintain harmony, we often suppress our own needs and desires.

But this can lead to feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction in the long run.

So when it comes to relationships, it’s crucial to express your needs clearly.

Whether it’s about your personal space, emotional support, or how much time you spend together, your feelings do matter.

In the end, it’s not selfish to prioritize your needs. It’s necessary for a healthy and balanced relationship.

8) You’re overthinking everything

None of us can predict the future.

Yet so many of us are guilty of trying to anticipate what happens next, especially when it comes to love.

We analyze every text, every phone call, every gesture, and end up creating scenarios in our heads that might never happen.

But overthinking like this can only lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety.

It can make you doubt your feelings, misinterpret others’ intentions, and even create problems that don’t exist.

If you find yourself overanalyzing every detail of your date’s behavior or constantly questioning where the relationship is headed, take a deep breath and relax.

Remember, love is supposed to be fun and enjoyable, too!

9) You’re settling for less than you deserve

Let’s get straight to the point here:

You’re selling yourself short.

And it’s one of the most damaging things you can do to yourself in your quest to find true love.

Whether it’s putting up with disrespect, unfulfilled promises, or emotional unavailability, accepting less than what you truly deserve is doing nothing but harm you.

You might convince yourself that it’s better to have something rather than nothing at all, or that you can change them with time.

But let’s face it, you can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue in their actions.

You deserve someone who loves and respects you just as you are. Someone who values your happiness as much as their own. Someone who is willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work.

So stop selling yourself short. Demand the love and respect you deserve. Don’t settle for crumbs when you deserve the whole cake.

10) You’re not willing to take risks

Finding love requires taking risks.

It means stepping out of your comfort zone, being vulnerable, and opening yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt.

It’s scary, no doubt. But it’s also the only way to truly experience love.

You can’t find love by playing it safe all the time. You can’t build a meaningful relationship without taking a leap of faith.

So if you’re genuinely looking for love, you need to be willing to take risks.

You need to be brave enough to let someone in, to share your life with them, and to trust them with your heart.

At the end of the day, love is a gamble—it’s up to you to decide if it’s a gamble worth taking.

Final thoughts

If you’ve identified with any of these self-sabotaging patterns, don’t be too hard on yourself!

In fact, if you’re here, you’ve already made progress, because recognizing them is the first step towards change.

So take a deep breath, show yourself some grace, and remember that everyone is on their own unique journey to find love.

In the end, it’s all about knowing that you are deserving of a love that is kind, respectful, and truly reflective of who you are.