Whenever we start a relationship, we often hope to find “the one”—a partnership that lasts through all the ups and downs.

But sometimes, without realizing it, we fall into habits that can undermine even the strongest connections.

What might seem like minor issues or harmless quirks can slowly wear away at your relationship’s foundation.

Curious about what might be quietly sabotaging your chance at lasting love? Keep reading to discover 8 habits you should ditch to build a stronger, more enduring bond.

1) Being overly critical

In any relationship, criticism can be a real deal breaker.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There’s a difference between constructive feedback and constant nitpicking. One can help your partner grow, the other can tear them down.

We all make mistakes, we’re human after all. But when we choose to focus solely on our partner’s flaws and shortcomings, we’re setting our relationship up for disaster.

Here’s the thing: No one likes feeling inadequate or constantly under scrutiny. And this is what happens when we’re overly critical. It creates resentment, breeds insecurity, and ultimately pulls us apart.

Constantly criticizing your partner’s every move can be a sign that it’s time to step back and reassess how you communicate your concerns.

The goal is not to avoid the issue but to address it in a way that promotes understanding rather than hostility. By focusing on the problem itself instead of attacking the person, you can make a significant difference in your relationship.

2) Keeping score

The old tit-for-tat game. We’ve all been there, haven’t we?

Keeping score is when we constantly tally up our partner’s wrongdoings while conveniently forgetting our own.

It’s a game of “I did this for you, so you owe me,” or “You messed up last time, so I get a free pass.”

But as the great Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a constant attitude.”

Keeping score means we’re not truly forgiving or forgetting. We end up holding onto past hurts and using them as ammunition in future arguments. This approach isn’t healthy or fair to either partner.

In a lasting relationship, embracing forgiveness, understanding, and growth is far more constructive than keeping a record of wrongs. Your relationship will benefit greatly from this shift.

3) Forgetting to communicate

Communication is the lifeblood of any healthy relationship, though we sometimes overlook this simple truth.

I learned this the hard way. I’ve been in relationships where we just assumed what the other person was thinking or feeling, which led to misunderstandings and unnecessary heartache.

Without clear communication, we create a breeding ground for assumptions, doubts, and insecurities. It’s not a pretty sight.

Let’s move away from guessing games and start communicating openly. Talk about your feelings, share your thoughts, and discuss your dreams. In relationships, silence isn’t golden; it’s downright dangerous.

4) Trying to change each other

We often enter relationships with the idea that we can change our partner. We see their potential, their ‘could be’s and ‘should be’s. And while this may come from a place of love, it can be incredibly damaging.

Mahatma Gandhi wisely noted, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” This applies to relationships as well, people only change when they genuinely want to.

Trying to change your partner into your ideal version of them isn’t fair or realistic. It sends the message that they aren’t good enough as they are, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment.

Rather than focusing on changing your partner, embrace them for who they are—flaws and all. Appreciate their quirks, their uniqueness, and even those little habits that drive you crazy.

It’s our differences that make us unique. Embrace them, don’t try to erase them.

5) Neglecting self-care

In the midst of loving someone else, it’s easy to forget to love ourselves.

I know how easy it is to get caught up in taking care of others. As a mother and a wife, I’ve often found myself putting my own needs on the back burner. But I’ve learned that neglecting self-care can take a toll not just on me, but also on my relationships.

When we don’t take care of ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally, we can’t be the best partner we can be. We become irritable, stressed, and less empathetic.

Keep in mind to take some time out for yourself. Whether it’s a hot bath after a long day, a quiet walk in nature, or just some alone time with a good book – do what makes you happy.

After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first, so you can give your best to your relationship.

6) Bottling up emotions

Let’s get real for a moment, shall we?

We all have emotions. They’re a part of being human. But sometimes, we bottle them up. We think we’re saving our partner from unnecessary drama or protecting ourselves from vulnerability.

Bottling emotions is like shaking a soda can. Sooner or later, it’s going to explode.

And when it does, it’s messy. It hurts us and the people around us. It leads to resentment, misunderstandings, and deep-seated anger.

If you’re feeling something, say it. It might be uncomfortable, it might be scary, but it’s necessary.

7) Forgetting to appreciate each other

At the start of a relationship, we often notice and appreciate every little thing about our partner. Over time, we tend to take these qualities for granted.

Regardless of how long you’ve been together, it’s essential to remember and appreciate what makes your partner unique. This might include their laughter at your jokes, their kindness towards others, or the way they make your favorite coffee—these are the traits that first drew you to them.

Esther Perel, the renowned psychotherapist, emphasizes, “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.” Make sure to remind your partner regularly of their value and worth in your life. It not only boosts their self-esteem but also nurtures the bond between you two.

8) Avoiding difficult conversations

Relationships are not always sunshine and rainbows. They involve tough, uncomfortable conversations.

It’s tempting to sweep the hard stuff under the rug. We think avoiding it will make it disappear. But it doesn’t. It festers and grows, turning into a bigger issue than it was initially.

Addressing topics such as finances, insecurities, future plans, or conflicts is crucial. It involves being brave enough to expose your vulnerabilities and trusting that your relationship can handle the truth.

Avoiding difficult conversations is like ignoring a deep wound and hoping it will heal itself. It won’t. It needs attention and care.

It’s not always easy, and that’s okay. Change takes time. But trust me, it’s worth it for the sake of a healthier, happier, and long-lasting relationship.

Love is a journey – not a destination. So keep growing, keep learning, and most importantly, keep loving.