If you often feel misunderstood, it might be time to reevaluate your communication style

Graeme Richards by Graeme Richards | June 1, 2024, 9:31 pm

Communication is a two-way street, and feeling misunderstood can be incredibly frustrating.

If you often find yourself in this situation, it might not be the other person’s fault. Instead, it may be time to take a closer look at your own communication style.

Communicating effectively isn’t just about getting your point across, but also ensuring it’s received and understood the way you intended.

In this article, we’ll explore how fine-tuning your communication style can help you avoid those all-too-common misunderstandings and improve your relationships.

1) Clarity is key

Effective communication begins with clarity.

If you often feel misunderstood, it might be because you’re not expressing your thoughts and feelings as clearly as you could be.

You see, it’s not just about the words we use, but also how we use them. And sometimes, our message can get lost in translation, leading to confusion and misunderstandings.

Remember, clarity isn’t about dumbing down your message. It’s about making sure your message is easily understood by others.

So next time you’re communicating, try to be as clear and concise as possible. Avoid using jargon or complex language, and ensure your message is straightforward and easy to understand.

This doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice the depth or complexity of your thoughts. It simply means presenting them in a way that’s accessible to everyone.

In the end, clear communication can help bridge the gap between misunderstanding and comprehension, fostering healthier and more effective interactions.

2) The power of active listening

In my own experience, I’ve found that misunderstandings often arise when we’re not truly listening to each other.

There was a time when I was leading a project at work, and despite my best efforts, I kept finding myself at odds with one of my team members. No matter what I said, it seemed like he always misunderstood my instructions.

It was incredibly frustrating until I realized that the problem wasn’t necessarily with how I was communicating; it was with how I was listening.

I started to pay more attention to his feedback, asking clarifying questions and repeating back what I understood from his responses. This practice of active listening helped me understand his perspective better and clarify my own instructions.

As a result, not only did our working relationship improve, but the entire project ran more smoothly.

So if you often feel misunderstood, take a moment to reflect on your listening skills. Are you really hearing what others are saying? Or are you just waiting for your turn to speak? Remember, effective communication is as much about listening as it is about speaking.

3) The importance of non-verbal cues

When we think of communication, we often focus on the words we use. However, a significant portion of our communication is actually non-verbal.

Research suggests that up to 93% of communication is conveyed through non-verbal cues, such as facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. That means only 7% of our message is conveyed through the actual words we use.

So if you’re feeling misunderstood, it might be worth paying attention to your non-verbal cues. Are your facial expressions and body language congruent with what you’re saying? Does your tone match your message?

By aligning your non-verbal cues with your verbal message, you can ensure that you’re communicating clearly and effectively, reducing the chances of misunderstandings.

4) The power of empathy

Empathy is a powerful tool in communication.

When we put ourselves in the shoes of the person we’re communicating with, we’re better able to understand their perspective and adjust our communication style accordingly.

For instance, if you’re communicating with someone who is stressed or upset, they might not be in the best state to absorb complex information. In this case, being empathetic means simplifying your message and being patient.

On the other hand, if you’re communicating with someone who thrives on details, being empathetic might mean providing more context and information.

Understanding and respecting where the other person is coming from can go a long way in ensuring your message is received and understood as you intended.

5) The art of asking questions

Asking questions is a crucial part of effective communication.

When we ask questions, we not only show that we’re interested and engaged, but we also encourage the other person to clarify their thoughts and feelings. This can help reduce misunderstandings and ensure that both parties are on the same page.

For instance, if you’re unsure about what someone means, don’t hesitate to ask for clarification. It’s better to understand clearly in the moment than to make assumptions that could lead to misunderstandings later on.

Likewise, if you’re sharing information or instructions, consider asking the other person to summarize what they’ve understood. This gives you a chance to correct any misconceptions right away.

Remember, communication is a two-way street. By asking questions, you’re ensuring that this exchange of information is effective and clear.

6) Recognizing the beauty in differences

One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned is to appreciate the uniqueness of each individual’s communication style.

We all have different ways of expressing ourselves, influenced by our backgrounds, experiences, and personalities. And while these differences can sometimes lead to misunderstandings, they’re also what make our interactions rich and meaningful.

For instance, some people are more direct in their communication, while others are more nuanced. Some prefer to communicate verbally, while others express themselves better in writing.

Instead of viewing these differences as a barrier, try to see them as an opportunity to learn and grow. With patience and understanding, we can learn to navigate these differences and communicate more effectively.

So if you often feel misunderstood, take heart. Your unique communication style is part of what makes you who you are. And with a little effort and understanding, it’s possible to bridge the gap between misunderstanding and connection.

7) The courage to admit mistakes

Nobody is perfect, and that includes our communication skills.

I remember a time when I was so convinced that I was communicating effectively, only to realize I was the root of the recurring misunderstandings in my team. It was a humbling experience, but it pushed me to reevaluate my approach and make necessary changes.

Admitting that you’ve made a mistake in your communication isn’t always easy. It requires humility and courage. But it’s also an important step in improving your communication skills.

So if you find yourself constantly misunderstood, it might be worth taking a step back and considering whether you could be part of the problem. And if you are, don’t be afraid to admit it and make the necessary changes.

After all, recognizing our mistakes is the first step towards learning and growth.

8) The need for patience

Patience plays a key role in effective communication.

Sometimes, we want to get our point across so quickly that we rush through our thoughts without giving the other person a chance to catch up. This can lead to confusion and misunderstandings.

Taking the time to speak slowly and clearly can make a significant difference. It gives the other person a chance to process what you’re saying and respond thoughtfully.

Similarly, it’s important to be patient when listening. Allow the other person to finish their thoughts before responding. This not only shows respect but also ensures that you fully understand their perspective before offering your own.

So if you often feel misunderstood, try slowing down your communication. You might be surprised at how much clearer your conversations become.

9) The value of authenticity

At the end of the day, the most effective communication is authentic communication.

When you communicate authentically, you’re not just sharing your thoughts and feelings. You’re sharing a part of who you are. This creates a deep connection with others that transcends any words you could use.

So if you often feel misunderstood, remember to stay true to yourself. Don’t try to change your communication style to fit what you think others want to hear. Instead, express yourself honestly and sincerely.

Your authenticity is your greatest asset. Use it wisely, and you’ll find that misunderstandings become less frequent and your relationships become more meaningful.

Final thoughts: It’s about connection

The essence of communication is connection.

At its core, our ability to communicate effectively is what allows us to forge meaningful relationships and navigate the world around us.

If you often feel misunderstood, remember that it’s not a reflection of your worth or abilities. It might simply be a signal that your communication style needs some fine-tuning.

Renowned psychotherapist Carl Rogers once said, “When I have been listened to and when I have been heard, I am able to perceive my world in a new way.”

This highlights the transformative power of effective communication. It’s not just about being understood; it’s about understanding others and, in doing so, gaining a fresh perspective on the world.

So don’t shy away from reevaluating your communication style. Embrace the opportunity for growth and connection. After all, it’s through understanding and being understood that we truly connect with one another.