There’s a thin line between being genuinely kind and a people pleaser.

The difference is all about intention. People pleasers aren’t just nice, they’re too nice. They go out of their way to appease others, often at their own expense, because they crave approval.

If you find yourself nodding along to these 9 signs, you might just be a people pleaser.

1) You’re constantly saying yes

You see, people pleasers have a hard time saying no. Even when they’re overwhelmed, they’ll keep piling on commitments because they don’t want to let anyone down.

This habit of constantly agreeing to do things for others, even at the cost of their own wellbeing, is one of the biggest signs of a people pleaser.

It’s not about being selfless or generous. It’s about the fear of disappointing others and the need for their approval. And trust me, it’s a draining way to live.

Remember, it’s okay to say no sometimes. Prioritizing your own needs isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.

2) You feel responsible for others’ happiness

This is something I’ve struggled with personally.

I used to find myself constantly worrying about how others were feeling. If someone was upset, I felt it was my responsibility to cheer them up. If there was tension in the room, I felt compelled to ease it.

I’d go out of my way to make sure everyone around me was happy, often at the expense of my own happiness. It was exhausting.

Looking back, I realize that this is a common trait among people pleasers. We feel a deep-seated need to ensure everyone else’s well-being, often forgetting about our own in the process.

Here’s what I’ve learned: It’s not your job to make everyone else happy. Sure, it’s nice to be considerate and kind, but you can’t control others’ emotions or reactions. They’re responsible for their own happiness – just as you are for yours.

3) You struggle with criticism

Did you know that people pleasers often have a tough time dealing with criticism? That’s right. Even the smallest negative feedback can send a people pleaser into a spiral of self-doubt and worry.

This is because their self-worth is closely tied to others’ approval. If someone criticizes them, they take it as a sign that they’ve failed in their mission to make everyone happy. It can feel like a personal attack.

But here’s the thing: Criticism isn’t inherently bad. It can offer valuable insights and help us grow. It’s important to learn to separate constructive criticism from our self-worth, and view it as an opportunity for improvement, rather than a personal failure.

4) You’re overly accommodating

People pleasers are often the first to compromise and the last to assert their own needs. They’ll go out of their way to accommodate others, even if it means sacrificing their own comfort or preferences.

Whether it’s always agreeing with others’ opinions, never choosing the restaurant, or staying late at work to help a colleague, people pleasers continually put others’ needs before their own.

While it’s great to be flexible and considerate, it’s equally important to remember that your needs matter too. It’s okay to voice your opinion and stand up for what you want. After all, a balanced relationship involves give and take from both sides.

5) You’re always apologizing

“I’m sorry” – does this phrase sound familiar?

People pleasers tend to apologize a lot, even when there’s nothing to apologize for. It’s like an automatic response to any situation that might cause discomfort or conflict.

Stepped on someone’s foot? Apologize. Someone bumped into you? Apologize. Disagree with someone’s opinion? You guessed it – apologize.

This habitual apologizing stems from the fear of upsetting others and the need to maintain harmony at all times.

Not everything is your fault and you don’t have to apologize for things beyond your control. Owning up to your mistakes is one thing, but unnecessary apologies can diminish your self-worth and confidence.

6) You neglect your own needs

We all have needs – physical, emotional, and mental.

It’s a heartbreaking reality. You might skip meals to help a friend with their project, or miss out on sleep because you’re busy catering to someone else’s needs. You might even ignore your own feelings and emotions just to keep the peace.

The truth is: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Neglecting your own needs isn’t just harmful, it’s unsustainable. You deserve the same care and consideration you give to others. Your feelings matter. Your needs are important.

7) You’re a chronic peacekeeper

Growing up, I was always the mediator in my house. Whether it was my parents bickering or my siblings fighting, I felt the need to step in and smooth things over. I hated conflict and would do everything in my power to avoid it.

As I got older, I realized this wasn’t just about keeping the peace at home. I was doing it everywhere – with friends, at work, even with strangers. It felt like I had this built-in radar for tension and an overwhelming need to resolve it.

This is a classic sign of a people pleaser. We’re chronic peacekeepers who would rather suppress our own feelings and opinions than risk causing conflict.

Not all conflict is bad. Sometimes, it’s necessary for growth and can lead to better understanding and stronger relationships.

8) You feel uncomfortable when someone is mad at you

Ever had that sinking feeling when you know someone is upset with you? People pleasers can’t stand the thought of someone being angry with them, and will often go to great lengths to fix the situation.

This can lead to over-apologizing, excessive niceness, or even changing your stance on a matter just to appease the other person. It’s all about avoiding confrontation and maintaining harmony, even if it means compromising your authenticity.

A reality check: You can’t control how others feel about you. People have the right to their own emotions, just as you do. It’s not your responsibility to manage their feelings. Stay true to yourself and it’s okay if everyone doesn’t like you all the time.

9) You have a hard time expressing your feelings

Expressing your feelings is a fundamental part of communication and relationship-building.

But for people pleasers, it’s a daunting task. They often suppress their own emotions to avoid causing discomfort or conflict.

Don’t forget this: Your feelings are valid. They’re important. And you have every right to express them. Suppressing your emotions can lead to stress, resentment, and even physical health problems.

It’s crucial to learn to communicate openly and honestly about how you feel. Because in the end, you can’t truly please others without first pleasing yourself.

Final thoughts: It’s about balance

As social creatures, we’re hardwired to seek group harmony and approval for survival. So in essence, being a people pleaser might be an exaggerated expression of this inherent trait.

Balance is key. It’s entirely possible to be nurturing and considerate without losing sight of your own needs and happiness.

It’s your life. You’re allowed to set boundaries. You’re allowed to prioritize your own needs. And most importantly, you don’t need to please everyone to be worthy or loved.

Next time you find yourself slipping into people-pleasing mode, pause and reflect. Ask yourself: Am I doing this for them, or am I doing this for me? The answer might surprise you.