Right now, you’re probably thinking, “What do you mean by low-quality? Sounds a bit harsh.”

Well, quality can be quite subjective. What one person deems high-quality can be low-quality to another. 

In the context of this article, however, low-quality equals emotional immaturity. It equals a lack of self-awareness and a low dose of empathy.

In short, it means that the person you’re dealing with still has a lot of self-development work cut out for them.

And these are the 6 behaviors they usually display.

1) They constantly complain

Have you ever met someone who complained so often and so much that you ended up feeling drained and annoyed after every interaction?

Yeah. I get frustrated with those kinds of people, too.

What bothers me the most isn’t that they want to vent about things. I, too, love to rant about something that’s getting on my nerves for half an hour straight.

It is the blatant lack of self-awareness and the blind self-centredness that really get to me.

See, emotionally mature people who ramble on about something for quite a while tend to ask the other person questions to bring them back into the conversation or change the topic when they notice the other person isn’t very responsive.

What’s more, they are highly aware of the kind of energy that they bring into their social interactions, and if they notice they’re getting a bit too negative all the time, they make an active effort to reconfigure their thoughts and stop.

Chronic complainers, however, are so swallowed up by their own concerns that they tend to make the whole interaction about themselves.

What’s more, they love to bond through negativity rather than positivity because it reinforces their established views and feelings about the world, which means they are often very draining to be around.

2) They are very judgmental of different opinions and lifestyles

While we’re on the topic of pre-established views and feelings about oneself and the world, the next behavior on our list is all about narrow-mindedness.

See, one of the five pillars of emotional intelligence is empathy.

And empathy is precisely what we need in order to open our minds to other people’s experiences, see them for who they are, and understand them by using our own feelings to accurately imagine theirs.

If you have very little empathy, you’re going to have a much harder time accepting different lifestyles and opinions as valid.

Moreover, you’re more susceptible to confirmation bias and are more likely to remain in your own echo chamber, hidden from arguments and views that threaten your own sense of identity.

High-quality (and therefore emotionally mature) people understand that their own view of the world is incredibly subjective, and they have no qualms about hearing others out, listening to their stories, and expanding their horizons as a result.

3) They act out their emotions immediately and without hesitation

Another important element of emotional intelligence is emotional self-regulation, that is, the ability to notice, name, process, and regulate your feelings.

If you get angry, you don’t deny it but you also don’t go out of your way to scream insults at people.

If you’re grieving, you don’t turn away from it. Instead, you give yourself the space to cry and let yourself feel it in its entirety.

Whatever emotion it is you’re feeling, you know how to conduct yourself in a socially appropriate manner, and what’s more, you’re highly aware of how this emotion affects your reasoning and what you need to do in order to process it in a productive – rather than destructive – way.

One way to figure out whether you’re dealing with a low-quality person is to see how they act in high-stress or very emotionally charged situations.

Do they let their anger overwhelm them, saying things they should have kept to themselves? Do they lose all ability to reason, submerged in their frustration?

If the answer is yes, it means they may need to work on their self-regulation skills.

4) They refuse to take accountability for their actions

Moving onto the next fundamental block of EQ, self-awareness is incredibly important when it comes to self-development and our relationships with others.

Unfortunately, far too many people aren’t self-aware enough to reflect on their weaknesses, get to the bottom of why they are the way they are, take accountability for their mistakes, apologize, and force themselves to grow.

It takes work and effort to become more emotionally mature. What’s more, it can be very difficult to face your misgivings, put your hand up and say, “I made a mistake and I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”

Why?

Well, if you admit that you’re wrong, you’re actively facing your guilt, shame, and regret.

Moreover, you’re openly displaying that you know your behavior isn’t right and are committed to changing it, which means you can’t do what’s convenient and feign ignorance any longer.

You have to actively become a better person.

There may be a lot of discomfort, frustration, and pain involved in the process. It’s not glamorous at all. It’s real and raw growth.

And many people simply don’t want to put themselves through that. They’d rather just pretend everything’s fine.

5) They talk rubbish about people behind their back

Right. This one isn’t as simple as it sounds.

The truth is, most people love a bit of gossip. When my best friend says he has some tea to spill, I perk up, excited to hear all about the drama.

In fact, gossip is such a fundamental part of societies that some psychologists suggest it is “one of the most important mechanisms for bonding social groups.”

You’re not a low-quality person just because you like to gossip from time to time.

However, there is a world of difference between pretty harmless gossip (“the relationship of X and Y apparently broke apart because X said this and Y replied that”) and talking sh*t about people behind their back (“X thinks she’s all that but she actually did all these awful things, so let’s discuss how much of a terrible person she is and then smile at her when she comes back in the room”).

The first is sharing information that may or may not accurately represent reality. The latter, however, comes from a place of malice. The intent here isn’t to “spill the tea.” It’s to put someone down.

6) They are led by fear rather than curiosity

The last thing many emotionally immature people have in common is that they aren’t all that set on expanding their horizons and exploring the world in more depth.

This may be because they’re just happy in their own bubbles (which is fair enough), but it may also have a lot to do with fear.

They’re too scared to go outside their comfort zone and follow the voice of their intuition, and so they huddle in their fear, trying to convince themselves that this is the best they can get in life.

And if they’re deeply unhappy with how their lives are going, they may be more susceptible to judgment born out of envy, which is – yep, that’s right – another common trait of low-quality people.

The good news is that emotional maturity isn’t some innate talent. It’s a set of skills everyone can learn and embrace.

Anyone can grow and change. It all depends on whether they choose to go down that path or remain right where they are.