There’s a fine line between someone who’s emotionally influential and someone who’s an emotional manipulator.

The distinction often boils down to respect for personal boundaries. Emotional manipulators seek to push your buttons for their own benefit, often disregarding your feelings in the process.

Spotting an emotional manipulator isn’t always easy, they can be crafty. But luckily, there are some telltale signs that give them away.

Below are 8 behaviors that signal you’re dealing with an emotional manipulator. If you notice these, it’s time to reassess the relationship – it could be more toxic than you think.

1) They twist your words

Emotional manipulators are experts at twisting words.

It’s like they have a sixth sense for finding a way to make you feel guilty, even when you’re in the right. They can adeptly turn your legitimate complaints or concerns into an attack on them, leaving you on the defense.

This is a classic manipulation tactic, known as gaslighting. It’s designed to make you question your own perception of events, and it’s extremely effective.

If you find yourself always feeling like the bad guy, despite having valid concerns, then you might be dealing with an emotional manipulator.

2) They play the victim card

Another common trait of emotional manipulators is their ability to play the victim.

I once had a friend who’d always shift blame onto others. Any time there was an issue, it was never their fault. It was as if they had an invisible shield that repelled any form of responsibility.

For instance, if we’d planned to meet, and they were late, it was always because of a series of unforeseen circumstances that were beyond their control. If I expressed my frustration about being kept waiting, they would become upset, claiming that I didn’t understand their problems.

Over time, I started to notice this pattern. It was a perpetual cycle of them avoiding responsibility and me feeling guilty for holding them accountable.

This is a classic sign of an emotional manipulator. They never take the blame and always find a way to make you feel like you’re being insensitive or unreasonable.

3) They use passive-aggressive behavior

Emotional manipulators often master the art of passive-aggressiveness.

Instead of openly expressing their feelings or disagreements, they resort to subtle actions or comments designed to hurt or belittle you. They might use sarcastic remarks, give you the silent treatment, or deliberately perform tasks poorly just to get under your skin.

Interestingly, a study suggests that people who regularly exhibit passive-aggressive behaviors tend to have lower self-esteem and feel less personal control over their lives. This might explain why emotional manipulators resort to such behaviors – it’s a way for them to regain some sense of control.

But regardless of their reasons, remember that passive-aggression is not a healthy form of communication. You deserve to be in relationships where your feelings are respected and conflicts are addressed openly and honestly.

4) They use your insecurities against you

Emotional manipulators have a knack for using your insecurities against you.

They latch onto your weaknesses and use them as leverage to control or hurt you. It’s as if they have a mental catalogue of all your fears and insecurities, ready to exploit them when needed.

For example, if they know you’re self-conscious about your weight, they might make subtle comments about your eating habits. If you’re insecure about your job, they may constantly bring up their own career successes.

This is a devious tactic designed to make you feel lesser, and it can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem.

5) They withhold affection as a form of punishment

Emotional manipulators often use affection as a tool, withholding it as a form of punishment when they don’t get their way.

Imagine you’re in a relationship where love, kindness, and affection are treated like rewards for good behavior, and taken away when you “misbehave”. It’s heartbreaking, isn’t it? It’s like being on an emotional rollercoaster, never knowing when the next high or low will come.

This isn’t what love should feel like. Love should be unconditional, not something that can be turned on and off like a switch.

6) They constantly shift the goal posts

Have you ever been in a situation where no matter how hard you tried, it was never enough? I have.

There was a time in my life when I was constantly striving to meet someone’s expectations. But every time I achieved what was asked of me, the goals would change. Suddenly, there was a new set of expectations to meet. It was exhausting and disheartening.

This is a common tactic used by emotional manipulators. They keep you in a state of constant striving, always feeling like you need to do more, be more. It’s a way for them to maintain control and keep you off balance.

But it’s important to recognize this behavior for what it is – manipulation.

7) They invalidate your feelings

A clear sign of an emotional manipulator is their tendency to dismiss or invalidate your feelings.

If you express upset or discomfort about their behavior, they might tell you that you’re being too sensitive, or that you’re overreacting. They might even try to convince you that what you’re feeling isn’t real or valid.

This is manipulative behavior, plain and simple. It’s a way of avoiding accountability and maintaining control in the relationship.

8) They make you doubt your own sanity

The ultimate sign of an emotional manipulator is their ability to make you doubt your own sanity, a tactic known as ‘gaslighting’.

It’s when they twist your reality, deny facts, and manipulate situations so much that you start questioning your own memory and perception. It’s a cruel form of manipulation designed to make you feel lost and dependent on them for what’s “true”.

If you ever find yourself questioning your own sanity in a relationship, it’s time to step back and assess the situation. You deserve honesty, respect, and truth in all your interactions. Don’t let anyone manipulate your reality.