Being in a relationship should feel like a safe haven, not a constant power struggle.

Sometimes, it can be hard to tell the difference between someone who cares about you and someone who is controlling you.

Control isn’t always as blatant as you might think; it can be subtle and disguised as protection.

Below, I’ve listed 10 signs that might indicate you’re in a controlling relationship. And trust me, recognizing these signs is the first step to regaining control over your own life.

Let’s dive in and see if any of these resonate with you.

1) They dictate your schedule

A healthy relationship is built on respect and understanding, and this includes respecting each other’s time.

If you find your partner is often dictating your schedule—telling you when you should be home, who you can hang out with, or even how you should spend your free time—consider it a red flag.

Control isn’t always about shouting or physical force; it can manifest as subtle coercion.

Don’t shrug off such behavior as over-protectiveness or care. It’s essential to recognize these signs for what they are—potential indicators of a controlling relationship.

Remember, in a healthy relationship, your time should be respected, and your space should be yours to manage.

2) They belittle your accomplishments

In my own experience, I once had a partner who always seemed to downplay my achievements.

Whenever I would share something I was proud of, instead of celebrating with me, he would quickly shift the conversation to something he had done or make a comment that minimized my accomplishment.

At first, I brushed it off, thinking he just didn’t understand the significance of what I’d achieved. But over time, I realized it was a pattern. His constant belittling was a way of asserting control and undermining my self-confidence.

So, here’s the thing. If you’re with someone who can’t seem to appreciate your successes, or worse, makes you feel lesser for them, it may be a sign that you’re in a controlling relationship.

Everyone deserves to be with a partner who celebrates their wins and encourages them to reach higher. Don’t settle for less.

3) They monitor your every move

In this age of digital technology, it’s easier than ever to keep tabs on someone. Whether it’s checking call logs, reading messages, or tracking locations, these behaviors are not signs of love or care—they’re signs of control.

It may surprise you to learn that according to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, 97% of domestic violence cases involve some form of technology-facilitated stalking.

If you notice your partner is excessively monitoring your movements or communications, it’s a serious red flag. In a healthy relationship, trust should be the foundation, not surveillance.

4) They’re constantly criticizing you

Constructive criticism is a part of any relationship, be it personal or professional. But if your partner is constantly criticizing you, making derogatory comments, or making you feel like you can’t do anything right, it’s a sign of a controlling relationship.

It’s a tactic used to lower your self-esteem and make you more dependent on them. The idea is to make you believe that you’re not good enough and that they’re the only ones who can accept you as you are.

Remember, it’s healthy to receive feedback, but constant criticism isn’t feedback—it’s control. You deserve a partner who values and respects you.

5) They isolate you from friends and family

Does your partner find reasons for you not to spend time with your loved ones? Do they make you feel guilty for wanting to see your friends or family? This could be a sign of a controlling relationship.

Isolation is a tool often used in controlling relationships. By cutting you off from your support network, they make you more dependent on them and easier to control.

A loving partner should encourage your relationships with others, not hinder them. If you feel like you’re being cut off from the world, it’s time to take a closer look at the nature of your relationship.

6) They make you feel guilty for their actions

Love should never make you feel guilty, especially for things that aren’t your fault.

If your partner ever makes a mistake but somehow turns it around so that it’s your fault, or if they act out and then blame you for their behavior, it’s a sign of a controlling relationship.

This manipulation tactic is often used to confuse you and make you feel guilty, keeping you in a constant state of self-doubt and apology.

You should never be made to feel responsible for someone else’s actions. A loving relationship involves taking responsibility for our own actions and treating each other with respect.

Remember, it’s not your job to fix someone else. Your job is to love them, and theirs is to love you back, without guilt or blame.

7) They dismiss your feelings

I remember a time when I was upset about something that had happened at work. I came home hoping to find solace in sharing my feelings with my partner. Instead, he brushed off my concerns, telling me I was overreacting and that it wasn’t a big deal.

This kind of dismissal of my feelings happened more often than not. It made me feel like my feelings were invalid and unimportant.

If your partner frequently dismisses your feelings or tells you that you’re being too sensitive, this could be a sign of a controlling relationship.

Your feelings are valid and deserve to be heard. A loving partner should provide a safe space for you to express yourself without fear of being belittled or dismissed.

8) They control the finances

Money can be a tricky topic in any relationship. However, if your partner is controlling all the finances, dictating how you spend your money, or withholding money as a form of punishment, these are signs of a controlling relationship.

Financial control is a common tactic used to make someone feel dependent and powerless. It’s about more than just money—it’s about freedom and independence.

In a healthy relationship, financial decisions should be made together, with both parties having equal say. If you feel like you’re being financially controlled, it’s time to reevaluate your situation.

10) They make you feel like you can’t leave

The most alarming sign of a controlling relationship is the feeling that you can’t leave, that you’re trapped.

Whether it’s through threats, manipulation, or fear, if your partner is making it seem like leaving the relationship is impossible, it’s a significant red flag.

Everyone deserves to be in a relationship where they feel safe, respected, and free to make their own decisions. If you ever feel trapped, seek support immediately. You are not alone, and there are resources available to help you.

Seeking the light at the end of the tunnel

Navigating a controlling relationship can be a harrowing journey, punctuated with self-doubt, guilt, and fear. But it’s crucial to remember that you’re not alone, and there is help available.

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, over 12 million people in the United States alone experience some form of domestic violence every year.

Recognizing the signs is just the first step. Courage lies in seeking help and breaking free from the cycle of control. Whether it’s reaching out to a trusted friend, a family member, or a professional counselor, taking that first step is monumental.

You deserve respect, love, and freedom in your relationship. It’s never too late to reclaim your life and start anew. Remember, it’s your journey. You have the power to decide its course.

As you reflect on these signs, if they resonate with you or someone close to you, take action. Be brave. Choose yourself. There’s a whole world waiting for you on the other side of this tunnel.