If you have very little self-esteem as an adult, you probably grew up hearing these 9 phrases

Growing up, the words we hear from those around us shape our self-esteem in ways we don’t always realize.
For many, phrases from childhood continue to echo into adulthood, often damaging our sense of self-worth.
Whether it was being compared to others, told you weren’t good enough, or criticized for showing emotion, these words can leave deep scars.
If you struggle with low self-esteem today, chances are you grew up hearing some of these damaging phrases.
Let’s explore nine common expressions that could have added to your low self-esteem.
1) “Why can’t you be more like…?”
Comparison is a thief of joy, and in childhood, it can be detrimental to self-esteem.
Imagine hearing often from parents, teachers, or caretakers: “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” or “See how well your cousin does in school…”
These phrases are not just about celebrating the achievements of others but subtly imply that you are not enough as you are.
The problem with this kind of comparison is that it sends a message that we have to be someone else to be valued, negating our inherent worth and unique abilities.
It’s essential to remember that everyone has their own path and set of talents. We’re not all meant to excel in the same areas or at the same pace.
2) “You’re too sensitive”
I’ll never forget how my heart would sink whenever I heard this phrase growing up. Mamma mia!
Whether it was after crying over a harsh comment or reacting to an unfair situation, the response was always the same: “You’re too sensitive.”
When you’re told repeatedly that your emotional reactions are excessive or unnecessary, it starts to feel like there’s something inherently wrong with you.
You begin to question your emotions and responses, leading to self-doubt and low self-esteem.
It took me years to realize that sensitivity isn’t a flaw but a strength. Being sensitive means being empathetic, intuitive, and capable of deep emotional connections. It’s something that should be embraced, not suppressed.
If you grew up hearing this phrase and struggle with self-esteem now, remember it’s okay to feel deeply. Our emotions are what make us human.
3) “You’ll never be good at this”
Hearing the phrase “You’ll never be good at this” as a child can seriously dent your confidence. This phrase comes across as a prediction, a prophecy that you’re destined to fail in a particular area or skill.
The danger lies in the potential of self-fulfilling prophecies, where the belief that we can’t do something affects our actions, often leading to the outcome we were afraid of.
Neuroscience research reveals our brains are remarkably adaptable, and we can learn and improve at almost anything with practice and perseverance, regardless of our starting point.
This concept is known as neuroplasticity.
If you’ve ever been told you’d never be good at something as a kid and believed it, it’s time to challenge that thought. It’s never too late to learn and grow.
4) “Don’t be so full of yourself”
Growing up, you might have been told not to brag or show off, often in the form of the phrase, “Don’t be so full of yourself.”
While it’s important to teach humility and respect for others, this phrase can easily be misinterpreted. Children may start to believe that expressing their achievements or qualities is wrong or unacceptable.
This could lead to a habit of downplaying successes, minimizing skills, and even self-sabotage.
You might find yourself as an adult struggling to accept compliments or feeling uncomfortable when you do well.
It’s important to differentiate between arrogance and self-confidence.
Everyone deserves to feel proud of their accomplishments and share them without feeling guilty or boastful. It’s a part of healthy self-esteem.
5) “You’re not trying hard enough”
When this phrase is constantly echoed during your formative years, it can be harmful. It implies that your efforts are insufficient, no matter how much you’ve pushed yourself.
Instead of encouraging you to keep going, it can make you feel like a failure, like your best will never be good enough.
This can breed a sense of helplessness and low self-esteem, leading to a fear of trying new things as an adult, for fear of not meeting expectations.
Everyone’s efforts and abilities differ.
What may seem like an easy task for some might be a huge challenge for others.
6) “You’re such a disappointment”
Few phrases cut deeper than this one. As children, we often look up to the adults in our lives and seek their approval. Hearing that you’re a disappointment can be a crushing blow to your self-esteem.
This phrase implies that you’ve failed to meet certain expectations, often leading to feelings of worthlessness and self-doubt.
It can make you believe that you’re not good enough, and this belief might carry over into adulthood.
If you’ve grown up hearing this, remember that your worth is not tied to meeting anyone else’s expectations.
You are not a disappointment.
You are uniquely you, and that in itself is enough.
It’s time to let go of these hurtful words and embrace the person you’ve become.
7) “You’re always in the way”
Growing up, I often heard this phrase. It gave me the impression that my presence was a burden or an inconvenience to others.
This phrase can signify to a child that they’re not wanted or that they don’t belong, leading to feelings of isolation and low self-esteem.
As an adult, I’ve learned that everyone has a right to occupy space, both physically and emotionally.
We all deserve to express ourselves, voice our opinions, and be seen without feeling like we’re causing trouble for others.
If you resonate with this experience, remember, you’re not in the way. You have every right to be here, just as much as anyone else.
8) “You’re not smart enough”
This phrase can be incredibly damaging. Intelligence is not just about academic prowess or the ability to solve complex problems.
It’s multifaceted, encompassing emotional intelligence, creative thinking, practical skills, and much more.
When a child is told they’re not smart enough, it can limit their belief in their abilities. They might start to doubt their intelligence, leading to low self-esteem and a fear of taking on challenging tasks.
As an adult, it’s essential to redefine what intelligence means for you and recognize your unique strengths.
Everyone is smart in their own way. Your value is not determined by traditional metrics of intelligence.
9) “You’re not worth it”
This is perhaps one of the most harmful phrases a child can hear. It directly attacks their self-worth, leading them to believe they’re unimportant or undeserving.
Growing up with this belief can result in low self-esteem, feelings of unworthiness, and difficulties forming healthy relationships as an adult.
The truth is, everyone is worth it. You are worth time, effort, love, and respect.
Your worth is inherent and does not depend on anyone else’s opinions or actions. Remember this, always.
The power of words — especially in childhood
There’s no doubt about it.
The words we hear as children have a lasting impact, shaping how we see ourselves well into adulthood.
Phrases that were likely thrown around casually—comparisons, criticisms, or declarations of our shortcomings—leave deep scars on our self-esteem.
Children have a better memory than people give them credit for — I know I still remember plenty of conversations from when I was eight years old.
When we start to accept how our childhood interactions shaped the rest of our lives, we can take the steering wheel and start moving in the direction we want.