If you feel your relationship has lost its spark, say goodbye to these 8 behaviors

Tina Fey by Tina Fey | November 27, 2024, 4:17 pm

Have you ever felt like the spark in your relationship isn’t as bright as it used to be? You’re not alone.

Many couples go through phases where things feel a bit dull or routine. In fact, in my career as a relationship expert, it’s one of the most common reasons why couples seek my advice and help.

But don’t worry, it’s not always a sign that things are falling apart. Often, it’s just a few behaviors creeping in that dampen that passionate connection.

Ready to reignite the flame? Let’s talk about ditching eight specific behaviors that could be smothering your relationship’s spark.

1) Constant critiquing

Criticism, when constructive, can be a tool for improvement. But when it becomes a constant feature of your relationship, it can extinguish the spark in no time.

You might wonder why your partner doesn’t take your well-intentioned critiques positively. But you have to understand, we’re all human and nobody enjoys being constantly picked apart.

It’s important to communicate with your partner about what needs improvement but remember, it’s equally important to appreciate the good.

A relationship thrives on mutual respect and appreciation. If your relationship has lost its spark, check if constant critiquing is the culprit.

Let’s focus on creating an environment where both partners feel valued and loved. The best relationships are about building each other up, not tearing each other down.

So next time you feel the urge to criticize, think twice. Is it truly necessary? Or is there a more positive way to communicate your thoughts?

Saying goodbye to this behavior might just be the first step towards rekindling that spark in your relationship.

2) Taking each other for granted

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” Well, it can also breed complacency.

In the early stages of a relationship, we tend to put our best foot forward. We make an effort to show appreciation, express love, and create special moments.

But as time passes, it’s easy to slip into a routine and take each other for granted.

I can’t stress enough how damaging this can be. It’s like a slow poison that dulls the spark over time.

So make your partner feel cherished. Show them they’re not just assumed or expected to be there, but that their presence in your life is something you value deeply.

3) Codependency

Codependency can be a major relationship killer. The constant need for validation and the inability to function independently can drain both partners.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I cover this topic in-depth. I provide practical advice and strategies to help couples overcome this very challenge.

The book’s intent is to guide you towards healthier dynamics that promote individual growth while strengthening your bond.

In a relationship, it is important to remember that you are two unique individuals with separate identities. It’s about being partners, not losing oneself to the other.

So, if you notice a trend towards codependency in your relationship, it might be time to say goodbye to that behavior.

A healthy relationship thrives on mutual respect, independence, and space for personal growth. Nurture that, and you’ll breathe new life into your relationship!

4) Too much togetherness

Now, you might think that spending every waking moment with your partner is a sign of a strong relationship. But let me tell you, it’s not always the case.

Contrary to popular belief, too much togetherness can actually be detrimental.

Why? Because it stifles individuality and personal growth, just like codependency. It can lead to your relationship becoming the center of your universe, which is not healthy.

Just like a plant needs room to grow, a relationship needs space to breathe and evolve.

So ensure that you maintain a balance between ‘we’ time and ‘me’ time. Pursue your individual interests, spend time with friends, and nurture your personal growth.

It may sound counterintuitive but saying goodbye to excessive togetherness might just be what you need to rekindle the spark in your relationship.

Believe me, distance done right does make the heart grow fonder!

5) Ignoring the small things

When it comes to relationships, it’s so easy to get caught up in the big picture that we often overlook the small things. But here’s what I’ve learned over the years – it’s these little things that make a big difference.

The spontaneous compliments, the thoughtful gestures, the shared laughter over an inside joke – these are the moments that truly enrich a relationship.

You see, grand gestures are great, but they can’t replace daily acts of love and kindness. They are like the steady flame that keeps the fire of your relationship burning.

So, if you’re wondering why your relationship has lost its spark, maybe you’ve been ignoring these small yet significant moments.

6) Avoiding tough conversations

Let’s get real for a moment. Every relationship has its ups and downs, its moments of conflict and disagreement. And that’s okay. It’s part of being human.

What’s not okay is avoiding these tough conversations.

It might seem easier to sweep the issues under the rug, to avoid confrontation.

But trust me, ignoring problems doesn’t make them disappear. It only allows them to fester and grow, slowly eroding the foundations of your relationship.

So if you want to bring back the spark in your relationship, it’s time to face these tough conversations head-on.

Yes, it might be uncomfortable. Yes, it might lead to disagreements. But it’s through these raw, honest discussions that we understand our partner better and strengthen our bond.

7) Neglecting self-care

This might come as a surprise, but one of the behaviors that can extinguish the spark in your relationship is neglecting your own self-care.

Mental health experts are unanimous in saying that self-care is not selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel. And I couldn’t agree more!

When you take care of yourself – physically, emotionally, and mentally – you bring your best self into the relationship. You’re happier, healthier, and more equipped to give and receive love.

On the contrary, neglecting self-care can leave you feeling drained, frustrated, and resentful. And these negative feelings can easily spill over into your relationship.

So if you want to rekindle that lost spark, start by taking care of yourself. Make time for activities that nourish your soul, that make you feel alive.

That new energy will spill over into your relationship and bring back the spark.

8) Holding on to grudges

Let’s face it, we’re all human and we make mistakes. Your partner will upset you, and you will upset them. It’s inevitable.

But holding on to grudges? That’s a choice.

Clinging to past hurts and disappointments does nothing but poison your relationship. It creates a wall of resentment that slowly but surely dims the spark between you two.

It’s not easy, I know. Forgiving someone, especially someone you love, can be difficult. But remember this: forgiveness is more for you than for them.

By releasing these grudges, you free yourself from the chains of past pain and open your heart to love and happiness.

Conclusion

There you have it, eight behaviors to say goodbye to if you feel your relationship has lost its spark.

Don’t expect change to happen overnight, though. Start by identifying which of these behaviors might be dimming the flame in your relationship, and then take small steps towards changing them.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I provide more insights and practical advice on how to maintain a healthy and loving relationship.

Don’t lose hope. With the right mindset and effort, you can reignite that lost spark and nurture a relationship that’s strong, loving, and full of life.

Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.