Do you feel like a total failure sometimes?

Like, no matter what you do, you’re not moving forward in life?

Trust me—it’s not because you’re lazy. It’s probably because you have habits that make you FEEL that way!

In my twenties, I felt so behind in life, but by simply changing my habits, my mindset (and my life) improved dramatically.

And you can do it, too.

How?

Start by figuring out why you feel this way.

​​If you feel like you’re behind in life, psychology says these 8 habits might be to blame.

1) Being too hard on yourself

Right now, you might think you’re NOT ambitious enough or hard working enough, and that’s why you’re behind in life. 

But what if the problem is that you’re actually the opposite—that you’re in fact TOO ambitious? That, thanks to hustle culture, you’re putting too much on your plate? 

Of course, aiming too high and wanting to have it all will give you the feeling that you’re behind in life.

People who are too ambitious have a thirst that’s impossible to quench.

If you have 100 goals, you will never feel satisfied even if you’ve achieved 80 of them…or even 95.

So, it’s possible. Maybe you’re indeed successful, but you have a FEELING that you aren’t simply because you want so much and you’re too hard on yourself.

2) Wanting instant life transformation

Do you know that 80% of people fail to keep their New Year’s resolutions by February?

The biggest culprit?

Overwhelm.

According to psychologist Terri Bly, the problem with New Year’s resolutions is that they revolve around HUGE changes.

Bly said “Where we go wrong is there’s this idea that it’s supposed to be some big, sweeping change…because that sounds kind of sexy. But as humans, we’re not wired to make big, sweeping changes.”

Do you want a total transformation in less than two weeks?

Do your goals overwhelm you?

Are you tired just thinking about them?

Maybe you shouldn’t rush things. Or maybe it’s time to remove some and just focus on one goal at a time. 

Just be a little bit more patient. You’ll achieve all of them eventually.

Real transformation takes time, so give yourself time and grace.

3) Staying safe at the shore

Comfort Zone is a psychological state in which a person feels secure and familiar. 

And while we do need some level of comfort, the problem with comfort zone is that it operates in an anxiety-neutral condition which slowly makes us more and more risk-averse.

Being stuck in your comfort zone will not only hold you back, it can make you feel like you’re behind in life.

For any kind of growth to happen, you need to be out there, getting scared and getting excited doing things that could potentially change your life!

Albert Einstein said “A ship is always safe at shore, but that is not what it’s built for.”

So leave the shore if you feel like you’re behind in life, no matter how scary it seems.

4) Comparing yourself to others

Comparison is the thief of joy. It can make you feel like you’re behind in life even if you actually aren’t!

Do you find yourself feeling all satisfied and happy… but then when you scroll social media, all of a sudden you feel like a total loser?

Your friend Alice is in Paris with her new boyfriend.

Your neighbor Max is now a CEO.

Your brother just bought a new house!

I like how psychiatrist and philosopher Need Burton defines envy. He says it’s the PERSONAL PAIN caused by the desire for the advantages of others.

And while envy can be used in a positive way (it can serve as our guide to the kind of life we want), it usually leads to negative feelings such as bitterness and depression.

If you’re FEELING like you’re behind in life, it’s possible that you’re paying so much attention to other people.

The cure?

Just focus on your personal growth and don’t let other people’s highlights stress you out. You’re not in a contest. Everyone will win eventually.

5) Hopping from one thing to another

You’re motivated, driven, talented, hard-working…and so you don’t know why you’re behind in life!

Maybe there’s one thing you need to examine: Your level of commitment to the things you pursue.

You could be the most hard working person in the room, but if you’re not committing to anything, it’s almost the same as doing nothing.

The 10,000 hrs may have been debunked but anything worthwhile still needs a certain amount of commitment.

You may be suffering from two things:

Inability to commit because you have some disorder like ADHD.

Or you have a fear of commitment, which psychologists say is deeply rooted in one or several psychological issues like anxiety.

So…do you jump from one thing to another?

Do you fail to finish the things you started?

Do you easily get bored?

If your answer is “Yes” to all three, then you have to deal with this habit right now so you can finally achieve the things you truly want in life.

This might be what Charles Bukowski meant when he wrote the poem “All the Way”

“If you’re going to try, go all the way

Otherwise, don’t even start.”

6) Not sticking to a good morning routine

Do you know that most successful people have an established morning routine?

Tim Cook, Michelle Obama, Richard Branson, and Anna Wintour—they all wake up before sunrise to reflect on their goals and get moving.

So if you haven’t established a morning routine that’s designed for success, this could be the reason why it’s challenging for you to achieve your dreams.

A person who wakes up at 4am is six hours ahead of someone who wakes up at 10. Imagine that. Six hours! That’s almost a full work day.

But more than that, the ones with a good morning routine are more energized, mentally sharp, and emotionally at ease.

So develop a morning routine now and stick to it. It will transform your life and just a year of doing it consistently will help you catch up on your goals. I guarantee you.

7) Procrastination

Well, well, well. Aren’t we all guilty of this!

But don’t beat yourself up.

Procrastination has nothing to do with lack of self-discipline. You’re not just lazy.

Psychologists define procrastination as “complex maladaptive reaction to various perceived stressors.”

And according to Linda Sapadin, there are six types of procrastinators and the first three are mainly caused by anxiety while the other three are caused by boredom and frustration.

But no matter the reason—and even if it’s not your fault—you have to deal with it so you won’t be behind in life.

How?

You can start beating procrastination by saying no to these things.

8) All work and no play

Do you live to work?

Do you feel guilty when you rest?

Do you glamorize “busy”?

Well, if you believe that we HAVE TO hustle every second of every day, then of course you’ll always FEEL like you’re behind in life!

Even if you’re earning 7-digits, if you think that you’re not working hard enough, you’ll always feel like you have to catch up and work more.

And this is just a sad way to live because it’s just not possible to work all the damn time!

Not only that, it’s counterproductive because science says rest is essential for productivity.

If you’ve always been a workaholic, how about you change things for a little while and try to rest more. 

Maybe what can transform your life is having a healthier view on work and play.

Final thoughts

Breathe in. Breathe out.

You are not as behind in life as you think.

Sure, you may be 50 and you still don’t own a home. But hey, there are those who own a home at 20 who have to sell them at 30.

And there are many things you have that others don’t!

And sure, you’re still not married at 30. But then again, there are those who marry at 20 and divorce at 35.

Pursue your goals, live your own life at your own pace.

Yes, do the necessary changes and do your best as much as you can. But be gentle with yourself. You’re doing just fine.