Being second fiddle to your partner’s career is a tough place to be. It can make you feel undervalued, ignored, and even resentful.

But hold on, it’s not all doom and gloom. There are ways to navigate this tricky terrain without turning it into a full-blown relationship crisis.

We all know that careers are important, but they shouldn’t overshadow relationships. That’s why I’ve come up with a list of actions you can consider if you feel like you’re always playing second fiddle to your partner’s job.

Here’s my take on how to deal with feeling like you’re always second to your partner’s career, without causing World War III.

1) Communicate your feelings

Open communication is usually the first step to resolving any issue in a relationship.

If you’re feeling sidelined by your partner’s career, it’s crucial that you express this to them. Bottling up your feelings will only breed resentment and increase the distance between you two.

Remember, your partner is not a mind reader. They might not even be aware that their career is causing such a disturbance in your relationship.

Speak up, but do so tactfully. Avoid sounding accusatory or confrontational. Instead, use “I” statements to express how you feel. For example: “I feel neglected when you prioritize work over our time together.”

And remember, it’s not just about expressing your feelings, but also about being open to their perspective. They might have reasons for their behavior that you’re unaware of.

This is a delicate conversation to have, and it may take time and patience to fully navigate through it. But it’s a necessary one if you want to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship.

2) Establish boundaries

In my own relationship, I faced a similar struggle. My partner was consumed by her job, and I felt like I was always second to her career.

What worked for us? We established boundaries.

We agreed on certain ‘no work’ zones in our daily routines. For example, we made a pact that dinner time was our time – no work-related calls, emails or discussions.

This helped us create our own little bubble where we could be present with each other, without work intruding.

This might not seem like a big step, but believe me, it makes a difference. It signals to your partner that despite their busy schedule, they need to make time for the relationship too.

Remember, it’s not about limiting your partner’s commitment to their career but about ensuring that their career doesn’t overshadow your relationship.

3) Show interest in their job

It might sound counterintuitive, but showing interest in your partner’s career can actually bring you closer. Understanding what they do, and why it matters to them, can help you appreciate their commitment to their work.

A study from Harvard Business Review found that partners who take an active interest in each other’s professional lives are generally more satisfied in their relationship. They feel more supported and understood.

So next time, instead of begrudging your partner’s work, ask them about it. What challenges did they face today? What are they proud of? What are their long-term goals?

You might discover that their job is more than just a job to them – it could be a passion, a dream or a source of fulfillment. And understanding this can help you navigate your feelings of being second to their career.

4) Prioritize quality time

When your partner has a demanding job, it’s easy for time together to get pushed to the back burner. But don’t let it.

Quality time is the glue that holds relationships together. It’s not just about being in the same room, but about sharing experiences, creating memories, and nurturing your bond.

So, even if you can’t spend as much time together as you might like, make sure the time you do have is meaningful. Plan special dates, engage in activities you both enjoy, or simply take a moment to cuddle up on the couch and talk.

Remember, it’s not the quantity of time spent together, but the quality that really counts. This can help you feel more connected to your partner and less like you’re playing second fiddle to their career.

5) Seek your own fulfillment

Let’s face it, it’s easy to feel overshadowed when your partner is immersed in their career. But remember, your self-worth should not be tied to their professional achievements.

Find what makes you fulfilled and pursue it. Whether it’s a hobby, your own career, or volunteering for a cause you care about – having your own pursuits can add to your sense of self-worth and happiness.

Not only does this provide personal satisfaction, but it also brings a healthy balance to your relationship. When both partners are fulfilled individually, they bring more joy and contentment into their relationship.

Don’t let your partner’s career dictate your happiness. You are in control of your own fulfillment.

6) Practice patience and understanding

It’s not easy playing second fiddle to a partner’s career. The feelings of neglect and frustration can be overwhelming. But remember, all good things require patience and understanding.

Your partner’s commitment to their career doesn’t mean they love you any less. They might be working hard to provide a better future for both of you or to fulfill their personal aspirations.

Try to understand their perspective, and instead of holding it against them, support them in their journey. After all, love isn’t just about being together all the time, it’s also about being there for each other even when you’re apart.

Through patience and understanding, you can weather this storm together and come out stronger on the other side. Because at the end of the day, it’s not just about career or love, it’s about balancing both in the walk of life.

7) Seek professional help if needed

There was a time when I felt like I was drowning in my feelings of being second to my partner’s career. No matter what I did, those feelings wouldn’t subside. That’s when I decided to seek professional help.

Seeing a relationship counselor helped me understand my feelings better and gave me tools to communicate effectively with my partner. It provided a safe space for us to express our concerns and work towards resolving them.

There’s no shame in seeking help when you need it. If your feelings of being second to your partner’s career are causing significant distress, it might be helpful to see a professional. They can provide guidance and help you navigate through your feelings, making your relationship stronger in the process.

8) Be flexible and adaptable

Life is unpredictable, and so are careers. There might be times when your partner’s job demands more of their time and energy, and other times when things are more relaxed.

Being adaptable and flexible can help you navigate these fluctuations without feeling constantly sidelined. This might mean being understanding when your partner has to work late or being open to rescheduling date night when an urgent work issue comes up.

Remember, it’s not about always giving in to your partner’s work demands but about finding a balance. And that balance might look different at different times. Being flexible and understanding can go a long way in maintaining harmony in your relationship in the face of career pressures.

9) Remember your worth

No matter how busy your partner is with their career, remember that you’re not just a supporting character in their life story – you are the protagonist of your own. You are important, and you deserve to feel valued and prioritized.

Don’t let your partner’s career make you feel any less than you are. Stand up for yourself and communicate your needs. Your feelings matter, and it’s okay to express them.

Your worth is not defined by how much time your partner spends with you. You are worthy of love, respect, and attention, regardless of your partner’s career commitments.

Final thoughts: Love is about balance

At the heart of this issue lies the delicate dance of balance. Balancing careers, personal fulfillment, and a loving relationship is not always easy, but it’s necessary for a healthy and satisfying life.

The poet Rumi once said, “Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.” This wisdom holds true in the realm of love and career as well.

It’s about holding on to your needs and feelings, asserting your worth and demanding respect. But it’s also about letting go of resentment, fostering understanding, and adapting to changes.

Remember, a relationship is a partnership. It’s not about one person’s career overshadowing the other, but about both partners supporting each other’s dreams and aspirations while ensuring they nourish their connection.

Navigating through this can be challenging, but with open communication, understanding, patience, and love, it’s more than possible. So take these suggestions to heart, reflect on your relationship, and remember that you are not alone in this journey. You are worthy of love and fulfillment, both in your relationship and beyond.