Happiness can often feel like a tricky concept to grasp. It’s like trying to catch a butterfly with your bare hands – always just out of reach.

But what if I told you the key to happiness could lie in not what we should do, but rather what we should stop doing?

Here’s the kicker – sometimes, our own behaviors are the very thing standing in the way of our joy.

In this article, I’ll guide you through 9 behaviors you might want to consider giving up if you feel like happiness has been playing hard to get. And don’t worry, I promise there’s no finger-wagging involved – just some gentle nudges towards a happier you.

1) Living in the past or future

We’ve all been there, consumed by moments that have already passed or incessantly worrying about what the future might hold.

The truth is, dwelling on the past or future is like trying to sail a boat with an anchor dropped. It’s exhausting and gets us nowhere.

Living in the past can be filled with regret, while constantly worrying about the future can induce anxiety. Neither of these states allows us to fully experience joy in the present moment.

Here’s some food for thought – happiness is often found in the here and now.

So if you want to catch that elusive butterfly called happiness, consider lifting that anchor and living more in the present.

Remember, it’s not about ignoring past lessons or future plans, but rather about not letting them steal your present joy. Embrace the moment you’re in right now – it’s the only one you truly have.

2) Comparing yourself to others

I recall a time when I was caught in the comparison trap.

Back in college, I had a friend who seemed to have it all – top grades, popularity, and even a killer sense of style. Everything she did, I found myself comparing to my own achievements and, needless to say, it left me feeling inadequate and unhappy.

Then one day, it hit me. I was so focused on her life that I was forgetting to live my own.

The moment I decided to stop comparing myself to her, or anyone else for that matter, was the moment I started finding more joy in my own accomplishments.

Comparison is often referred to as the thief of joy, and from personal experience, I concur. If happiness seems elusive, consider taking a break from comparing your life to those around you.

Remember, we’re all on our own unique journey. So rather than comparing your chapter one to someone else’s chapter twenty, focus on writing your own beautiful story.

3) Overcomplicating things

We live in a world where complexity is often associated with sophistication, and simplicity can be mistaken for naivety. But here’s something to consider – the happiest countries in the world, according to the World Happiness Report, are those that value simplicity in life.

Take Denmark, for example. Known for its concept of ‘Hygge’, which roughly translates to ‘cosiness’, the Danes emphasize simplicity, comfort and contentment. This approach to life has consistently placed them among the happiest people on earth.

So if you feel like happiness is elusive, it might be time to strip back the complexities and embrace a simpler way of living.

Remember, life doesn’t have to be complicated to be fulfilling. Sometimes, less really is more.

4) Neglecting self-care

We often get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that we forget to take care of ourselves.

Whether it’s skipping meals, not getting enough sleep, or ignoring our emotional needs, neglecting self-care can leave us feeling drained and unhappy.

Self-care isn’t about being selfish or indulgent. It’s about acknowledging that in order to give our best to the world, we first need to look after ourselves.

So, if you’re seeking happiness and can’t seem to find it, perhaps it’s time to prioritize self-care.

Treat yourself as you would someone you care deeply about. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Remember, taking care of yourself isn’t just about physical health; it’s equally important to nurture your mental and emotional wellbeing too.

5) Holding onto grudges

Carrying a grudge is like lugging a heavy backpack around. The longer you carry it, the heavier it feels, and the more it weighs you down.

Holding onto anger or resentment towards others doesn’t harm them – it harms us. It robs us of peace of mind and, ultimately, happiness.

Forgiveness, on the other hand, is like setting down that heavy backpack. It doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or excusing the other person’s actions. It’s about letting go for our own sake.

So if happiness seems elusive, perhaps it’s time to examine whether there are any grudges you’re holding onto.

And remember, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It’s an act of self-love that frees you from the burden of past hurts and opens up space for happiness.

6) Seeking approval from others

Isn’t it exhausting trying to please everyone around you? I’ve found that the more we seek validation from others, the further we stray from our authentic selves.

We can’t control people’s opinions or judgments. But we can control our reactions to them. We can choose not to let them define our self-worth or happiness.

No one else is living your life. No one else is walking in your shoes. So why should anyone else’s approval matter more than your own?

If happiness has been playing hide-and-seek with you, it could be time to stop seeking approval from others.

Remember, it’s your life. Your journey. It’s about time you started living it for yourself, not for the applause of others.

7) Ignoring your passions

I used to work a 9-to-5 job that paid well but left me feeling empty at the end of each day. I was good at what I did, but it didn’t ignite a spark within me.

One day, I took a leap of faith and decided to pursue my passion for writing. It was scary, and financial stability was a legitimate concern. But the sheer joy and fulfillment I felt from doing something I loved were priceless.

When we ignore our passions, we deny ourselves the happiness that comes from living a life true to ourselves.

So if you’re wondering why happiness seems elusive, ask yourself if you’re honouring your passions.

Life is too short to spend it doing things that don’t light up your soul. It’s never too late to start doing what you love. Remember, the purpose of life is to live a life of purpose.

8) Being too hard on yourself

We can often be our own harshest critics. Whether it’s a mistake we’ve made, a goal we didn’t meet, or an unrealistic standard we didn’t live up to, we tend to beat ourselves up over these things.

But here’s the thing – nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. It’s part of being human.

Being too hard on yourself only leads to stress, anxiety, and ultimately unhappiness.

So if you’re struggling to find happiness, maybe it’s time to give yourself a break.

Instead of berating yourself for your mistakes, learn from them. Instead of striving for perfection, aim for progress. And most importantly, remember to treat yourself with the kindness and compassion that you so freely give to others.

9) Fearing change

Change is inevitable. It’s the one constant in life. But often, we fear it because it takes us out of our comfort zones.

Yet, some of the most significant growth and happiest moments of our lives come from change. New opportunities, experiences, and perspectives all stem from change.

So if happiness is eluding you, perhaps it’s time to embrace change rather than fear it.

Remember, a caterpillar must undergo significant change to become a butterfly. The same applies to us. Embracing change can lead to beautiful transformations in our lives.

Final thoughts: Happiness lies within

The quest for happiness is deeply ingrained in our human nature. It’s the driving force behind much of what we do. But sometimes, in our pursuit of happiness, we overlook the fact that it isn’t something to be chased or found in external circumstances.

Happiness, as the Greek philosopher Epictetus once said, “is not in having what you want, but wanting what you have.”

If happiness has been playing hide-and-seek with you, perhaps it’s time for a game change. Perhaps it’s not about finding happiness, but rather about letting go of behaviors that are holding it back.

Each point we’ve covered in this article is a step towards unshackling your happiness from self-imposed constraints. From embracing change to letting go of grudges, from honoring your passion to living in the present – these aren’t just behaviors to give up but also habits to cultivate for a happier life.

And remember, happiness isn’t a destination, but a journey. It’s not about being happy “someday” but about finding joy in the everyday moments of life. Because at the end of the day, happiness truly lies within us. It’s not something we find – it’s something we choose.