Ever found yourself sitting across the table from a man on a date, silently ticking off a checklist in your head? Or perhaps you’ve spent hours with your friends dissecting every little detail about your partner’s behavior?

Whether it’s about our romantic partners, our friends, or even the random stranger we met at a party, many of us are guilty of expecting too much from men.

Trust me, I’ve been there; I used to have sky-high standards.

Can you see yourself in this scenario?

Let’s dive into this by identifying seven signs that this might be the case.

1) You’re always looking for “Mr. Perfect”

A common and often overlooked sign of setting unrealistic expectations in a relationship is the never-ending search for “Mr. Perfect”.

This usually comes from a belief that there is an ideal man out there who will fulfill every expectation and fit into every box we have created.

This pursuit of perfection is a tricky pitfall. It can lead to a cycle where our satisfaction in our relationships is continually undermined, as we are constantly searching for someone better.

The problem is, in our quest for perfection, we may end up missing out on genuine connections – all because they don’t meet our impossible standards.

Stepping away from this pattern involves acknowledging that everyone has flaws and imperfections.

It’s about understanding that while it’s okay to have standards, expecting someone to be perfect is not only unrealistic, but it also sets your relationships up for failure. The real goal should be finding someone whose strengths complement your own and whose flaws you can understand and accept.

2) You expect him to read your mind

Another telltale sign of having unrealistically high standards is expecting a man to always know what you’re thinking or feeling – without you having to express it. This comes from a desire for a deep, almost telepathic connection with your partner.

However, this expectation can be a slippery slope, and I learned this the hard way.

I remember a time when I was upset with my partner for not picking up on my bad mood. I hadn’t said anything about it, but in my mind, he should have just known. It led to an unnecessary argument and left both of us feeling frustrated and misunderstood.

The truth is, expecting someone to always know what’s going on in your head is not fair or realistic. Communication is key in any relationship.

It took me some time, but I eventually realized that voicing out my feelings and thoughts instead of expecting them to be instinctively understood made our relationship healthier and stronger. It’s essential to remember that everyone has their own perspectives and thoughts; they can’t always guess ours correctly.

3) You expect him to fulfill all your needs

One particularly unrealistic standard I used to set involved expecting my partner to fulfill all my emotional, physical, and intellectual needs. I believed that the man I was with should be my best friend, my passionate lover, and my intellectual equal – all at the same time.

This expectation started to take a toll on one of my past relationships. As you can imagine, it’s quite a burden for one person to bear. My partner felt immense pressure to be everything for me, and I felt constant disappointment when my expectations weren’t met.

The reality is, it’s not fair or realistic to expect one person to meet all our needs. That’s why we have friends, family, colleagues, and hobbies – to fulfill different parts of our lives.

Once I realized this and started nurturing other relationships and interests in my life, I found a more balanced and fulfilling existence. My relationship improved because I no longer put an unfair amount of pressure on my partner.

And I learned that it’s okay – in fact, it’s healthy – to have needs met outside of your romantic relationship.

4) You want him to agree with you on everything

Another sign of unrealistically high standards is expecting the man in your life to always agree with you.

Whether it’s about political views, taste in movies, or even the right way to squeeze a toothpaste tube, you may feel that your partner should always echo your thoughts and perspectives.

This expectation can lead to a lack of healthy debate and growth in a relationship. It can also create a dynamic where one person feels they must suppress their own opinions to keep the peace.

In reality, it’s these differences in perspective and opinion that can lead to a richer, more diverse relationship experience. It’s about celebrating these differences rather than expecting uniformity, and realizing that agreeing to disagree can be a sign of respect and understanding.

5) You expect him to change for you

It’s not uncommon to enter a relationship with a man, see potential areas of improvement, and expect him to change according to your desires. 

However, expecting someone to change their fundamental characteristics or habits for you can set your relationship up for disappointment and resentment.

After all, true change comes from within, and it’s unfair to pressure someone into becoming a person they’re not.

Instead, it’s healthier to accept your partner as they are while encouraging their personal growth. Love is about appreciating someone for who they are right now, not who they could potentially become.

6) You expect him to always be strong

There was a time when I thought that a man should always be the rock, the strong one, never showing any signs of vulnerability or weakness. I believed it was his role to be my constant source of support and comfort.

However, this belief started causing tension in my relationship. My partner felt he couldn’t share his feelings or worries with me because he was supposed to be the ‘strong one’.

I realized that this expectation wasn’t just unfair, it was also unhealthy. Men, like anyone else, have the right to express their emotions and seek comfort. It’s not a sign of weakness, but a demonstration of their human side.

Now, I appreciate these moments of vulnerability as they have allowed us to form a deeper connection. It’s okay for him to be human, and it’s okay for me to be there for him the way he is for me.

7) You expect him to complete you

The most significant and often overlooked expectation we tend to have is the belief that a man should ‘complete’ us. Blame it on all those romantic movies and novels that suggested that without a partner, we are somehow incomplete.

This expectation, however, is not only unrealistic but also harmful. It creates a dependence on someone else for our happiness and self-worth.

Real talk — we should be complete on our own. Our partners can complement us, bring joy to our lives and help us grow, but they shouldn’t be the source of our completeness.

Your happiness and sense of self should come from within. A healthy relationship is not about finding your other half; it’s about two whole individuals coming together to share their lives while still maintaining their individuality.

Final thoughts

If you find yourself nodding along to these signs, it’s possible that you’ve been setting unrealistically high standards in your relationships.

But here’s the uplifting part – this realization is the first step towards change.

Through self-awareness and deliberate effort, these unrealistic expectations can be adjusted into healthier, more feasible ones. The key is balance and understanding. Having standards is good, but not when they overshadow the value of real, flawed human connections.

Begin by reflecting on situations where these high standards show up:

• When you’re always on the hunt for “Mr. Perfect”
• Expecting him to read your mind
• Wanting him to fulfill all your needs
• Insisting he agree with you on everything
• Expecting him to change for you
• Believing he should always be strong
• Thinking he is supposed to complete you

Once you recognize these patterns, it becomes easier to pause in the moment and question your expectations.

Ask yourself – Is this fair? Am I being realistic? Would adjusting my expectations lead to healthier, happier relationships?

When we learn to love and accept others as they are, we create space for authentic relationships filled with growth and mutual respect.