There’s a vast difference between parenting and controlling.

Parenting involves guidance and support, whereas controlling leans towards dictating every aspect of a child’s life, often leaving lasting effects.

These effects aren’t always visible. They can manifest subtly in your behavior, your decisions, even your relationships. And sometimes, you don’t even realize where they’re coming from.

In this article, we’ll delve into 9 behaviors that might just indicate you were raised by controlling parents. It’s okay if you resonate with some or all of them – it doesn’t define you. But recognizing these behaviors can be the first step towards understanding yourself better.

1) Constant self-doubt

Growing up under controlling parents can often result in a lingering feeling of self-doubt.

This is not about the occasional uncertainty we all face in life. It’s a constant, nagging sensation that you might not be doing things right, regardless of what those things are.

This behavior often stems from a childhood where your decisions were frequently overridden or belittled by overbearing parents. When your choices were constantly scrutinized and criticized, it’s no surprise that as an adult, you might struggle to trust your own judgement.

2) Fear of confrontation

I’ll admit, this one hit close to home for me. I’ve always dreaded confrontations. Arguments, disagreements, even simple debates – they all made me extremely uncomfortable.

Looking back, I can trace this fear back to my childhood. My parents were quite controlling and any form of disagreement was quickly shot down. This left me associating confrontation with disappointment and punishment.

Even as an adult, I would go to great lengths to avoid any sort of conflict. It took me a while to realize that not all confrontations are destructive. In fact, they can often lead to growth and better understanding.

So if you, like me, have an innate fear of confrontations, it might be worthwhile to reflect on your upbringing.

3) Over-compensation in relationships

Have you ever found yourself constantly going above and beyond for your friends or partners, often at the expense of your own needs? This could be a behavior rooted in your past.

Research indicates that children who grew up with controlling parents often end up over-compensating in their adult relationships. They tend to put others’ needs before their own, in a bid to avoid conflict or disapproval. This is a learned behavior from a childhood where their own needs were often overlooked or dismissed.

Recognizing this pattern can help break the cycle. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own needs and feelings. In fact, it’s necessary for a healthy and balanced relationship.

4) Difficulty in decision-making

Ever find yourself overwhelmed by even the simplest decisions like what to order at a restaurant or what outfit to wear? This may be more than just indecisiveness.

Children of controlling parents often struggle with decision-making in their adult lives. This is because they were rarely given the opportunity to make their own choices growing up. Their parents often dictated every aspect of their life, leaving them without the necessary skills or confidence to make decisions.

The good news is, decision-making is a skill that can be developed and improved over time. Start by making small decisions on your own, and gradually work your way up to bigger ones. Remember, it’s okay to make mistakes along the way – that’s how we learn and grow.

5) Seeking approval

If you find yourself constantly seeking validation and approval from others, it might be linked to your upbringing.

Children with controlling parents often grow up in an environment where approval is conditional, usually linked to obedience or achievement. As a result, they might carry this pattern into adulthood, constantly seeking validation from others for their actions or choices.

Recognizing this behavior can be a big step towards breaking free from this need for external validation.

6) Struggle with self-expression

Expressing ourselves, our thoughts, our feelings, our desires… it’s a fundamental part of being human.

But if you grew up with controlling parents, you might find this incredibly difficult. You might have learned to suppress your emotions or desires as a child, out of fear of disapproval or punishment. If your opinions were often disregarded or belittled, it’s no wonder that as an adult, you might struggle to express them.

Please remember, your thoughts and feelings are valid. They’re a part of who you are and you have every right to express them. Learning to do so can be a journey, but it’s one that’s worth taking.

7) Hyper-responsibility

For the longest time, I found myself taking on more responsibilities than I could handle. At work, in relationships, in friendships – I was always the one to step up, even when it was detrimental to my own well-being.

This sense of hyper-responsibility often stems from a childhood where you’re made to feel responsible for your parents’ emotions or well-being. It’s a heavy burden to carry into adulthood.

8) Difficulty trusting others

Trust is a fundamental part of any relationship. But if you grew up with controlling parents, you might find it difficult to trust others.

This can be a result of your parents breaking your trust as a child, either by not respecting your privacy, breaking promises, or using your secrets against you. As an adult, this can translate into a general difficulty in trusting others.

The good news is, trust is something that can be rebuilt over time. It starts with recognizing the source of this issue and taking small steps to let others in.

9) Low self-esteem

You are worthy. You are enough. You matter.

If you constantly struggle with these truths, it might be a residual effect of growing up with controlling parents. In such environments, children often feel that they are ‘never good enough’, leading to a deep-seated feeling of low self-esteem that can carry into adulthood.

Please remember, your worth is not determined by anyone else’s standards or expectations. You are intrinsically valuable. Your past does not define you, and you have the power to redefine your self-worth.