If you can’t remember the last time you felt joyful in life, say goodbye to these 8 habits

Avatar by Lachlan Brown | October 7, 2024, 1:03 pm

As the founder of Hack Spirit and a mindfulness enthusiast, I’ve learned a few things about the pursuit of joy and happiness. It’s something that comes from within, not from external sources.

One thing is clear: certain habits can rob you of your joy. They sneak up on you, slowly draining the happiness from your life until one day, you realize you can’t remember the last time you felt truly joyful.

In this article, we’re going to look at 8 such habits. The ones that steal your joy without you even noticing. And I’ll show you how to say goodbye to them for good.

Let’s dive in.

1. Nurturing negativity

One of the biggest joy-stealers in life is negativity. It’s something we all fall into from time to time.

Negativity can take many forms. It might be a constant stream of self-critical thoughts, a habit of complaining about everything, or a tendency to always expect the worst.

And here’s the thing: negativity breeds more negativity. The more you focus on what’s wrong, the more wrong things seem to happen. It’s a vicious cycle that can leave you feeling drained and joyless.

If you want to reclaim your joy, one of the first habits to say goodbye to is nurturing negativity. Instead, try to cultivate a more positive outlook on life. Look for the good in every situation, no matter how small it may be.

2. Ignoring self-care

Another habit that can rob you of your joy is ignoring self-care. I’ve learned this one the hard way.

A few years ago, I was so caught up in running Hack Spirit and trying to juggle my personal life that I neglected my own wellbeing. I was skipping meals, sleeping less, and hardly had any time for relaxation or exercise.

The result? Burnout. I was exhausted, irritable, and completely joyless. It was a wake-up call that made me realize just how important self-care is.

Now, I make a conscious effort to prioritize self-care. Simple things like eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and taking time out to relax and unwind can make a huge difference.

You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you want to feel more joyful in life, it’s essential to take care of yourself first.

3. Living with a big ego

Now, this is a tricky one — living with a big ego. We all have an ego, and it plays an essential role in our self-identity and interactions with others. But when it gets too big, it can become a major joy-stealer.

A big ego often leads to a constant need for validation, comparison with others, and feeling superior or inferior. This can be incredibly draining and leave you feeling unsatisfied and unhappy.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve into the importance of recognizing and managing your ego. It’s about understanding that your worth is not defined by external validation or comparison with others, but rather by your own inner peace and happiness.

Reducing your ego doesn’t mean eliminating it completely. It’s about adopting a mindset of humility, acceptance, and self-love.

4. Neglecting connections

Human beings are social creatures. We thrive on connections and relationships. Yet, in our fast-paced, digital world, it’s easy to neglect these connections and instead retreat into isolation.

Research in psychology has shown that social connections are a key component of happiness and wellbeing. People who have strong relationships with family and friends are generally happier, healthier, and live longer.

But it’s not just about the quantity of social connections; the quality matters too. It’s important to nurture deep, meaningful relationships rather than superficial ones.

This means spending quality time with the people who matter most to you, actively listening to them, and showing empathy and understanding.

5. Chasing happiness

Now, here’s one that might sound a bit counter-intuitive – chasing happiness.

One of the biggest misconceptions about joy is that it’s something we should constantly be pursuing. We often think that if we just achieve this one thing, or if we just get to this one point in our lives, then we’ll finally be happy.

But the truth is, joy doesn’t work like that. In fact, research has shown that chasing happiness can actually make us less happy.

Why? Because when we’re constantly chasing after something, we’re not fully present in the moment. We’re not appreciating what we have right now because we’re too focused on what we don’t have.

In reality, joy comes from accepting and appreciating the present moment, flaws and all.

6. Avoiding discomfort

Another habit that can rob you of joy is avoiding discomfort. It’s natural to want to avoid uncomfortable situations or feelings. But in doing so, we often miss out on opportunities for growth and learning.

Life isn’t always comfortable. It’s filled with challenges and obstacles that can make us feel uncomfortable. But these uncomfortable moments are often where we learn the most about ourselves and the world around us.

When we avoid discomfort, we limit our experiences and our ability to grow. This can lead to a life that feels stagnant and unfulfilling, which is far from joyful.

7. Holding onto the past

It’s easy to get stuck in the past, replaying old memories or holding onto regrets. But the past is gone, and dwelling on it won’t change what happened.

Holding onto the past can prevent us from fully living in the present and experiencing joy. It’s like trying to drive a car while constantly looking in the rear-view mirror. You’re not going to get very far, and you’re likely to miss a lot of what’s happening around you.

Learning to let go of the past is a process, but it’s a critical step towards reclaiming your joy. This doesn’t mean forgetting about the past or ignoring how it has shaped you. It means acknowledging what happened, learning from it, and then letting it go.

8. Overcommitting

The last habit that can rob you of joy is overcommitting. In today’s busy society, it’s easy to fall into the trap of saying ‘yes’ to everything and trying to do it all.

But when we overcommit, we spread ourselves too thin. We end up stressed, overwhelmed, and unable to fully enjoy or appreciate any of the things we’re doing.

Learning to say ‘no’ can be incredibly liberating. It allows you to focus on the things that truly matter to you and give them your full attention.

Remember, it’s not about doing more. It’s about doing less, but with more focus and intention.

As the famous psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “It isn’t normal to know what we want. It is a rare and difficult psychological achievement.”

Taking the time to identify what truly matters to you and focusing on those things can bring more joy into your life.

Final thoughts: It’s all about balance

Habits like nurturing negativity, ignoring self-care, living with a big ego, neglecting connections, chasing happiness, avoiding discomfort, holding onto the past, and overcommitting can all contribute to a sense of joylessness.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve deeper into some of these habits and offer practical strategies for overcoming them.

Joy isn’t something that just happens to us. It’s something we cultivate. It’s about making conscious decisions every day to choose joy over misery, to focus on the positive instead of the negative, and to embrace the present instead of dwelling on the past or obsessing about the future.

As you navigate your own journey towards joy, keep these habits in mind. Reflect on them. Are they present in your life? If so, how can you start to let them go?

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