In her stunning autobiography “Gather Together in My Name,” the poet Maya Angelou said something wise that has stayed with me through the years: 

“Self-pity in its early stage is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.”

It’s such an astute observation that opens up a crucial dialogue about the comfort zones of our own negative emotions, self-pity being just one of them. 

Often, we find ourselves not just wallowing in self-pity but also spiraling into other destructive habits that subtly undermine our self-esteem and energy levels. 

So today, let’s take a look inwards and examine the habits that could be getting us down and keeping us there. 

If you can’t remember the last time you felt genuinely good about yourself, it might be time to say goodbye to these eight habits that are holding you back more than you realize.

1) Running yourself ragged

Let’s look at one of the top culprits that stop us from feeling good about ourselves – stretching ourselves too thin. 

There are so many ways this can happen. A common one is overworking, to the point that there’s no semblance of a work-life balance. 

And did you know that even just multitasking day in and day out takes a huge toll on your brain? You might feel like you’re being more efficient, but sadly, that’s just not true. 

Research shows we actually become 40% less productive when we multitask. Not only that, we also just end up feeling more stressed, which raises blood pressure and heart rate. 

Look at how you approach work – are your habits making you more anxious and less productive? That could be a reason why you haven’t felt good about yourself in a while. 

2) Perfectionism

Another one is perfectionism. As someone who used to be a perfectionist, I didn’t realize how much damage it actually was creating. 

The folks at Better Help describe perfectionism as a double-edged sword. They say:

“On the one hand, a bit of it can help push us to become better versions of ourselves. On the other, it can make us feel like we’re constantly falling short. Another complicating factor is that perfection is often subjective, with many even arguing that there’s no such thing as perfection.”

That’s exactly how I always felt, like I was always not good enough. I’d tie myself into a huge knot of nervous energy thinking that whatever I did was mediocre, even though it was actually good. 

As the French writer Voltaire said, “The perfect is the enemy of the good.” Truer words have never been spoken. 

So if this is something you often do, it’s time to say goodbye to it. Continue to work towards excellence of course, but at some point, you must accept that ‘good enough’ is perfectly acceptable. 

3) Procrastination

Be honest now – have you ever pushed back something you didn’t want to do because you felt overwhelmed, uninspired, or just plain tired? 

I think we’ve all done this at one point or another. The occasional procrastination is perfectly understandable. But to make a habit of it? That’s a sure path to anxiety and unhappiness. 

The thing about procrastination is that it’s very much like music playing in the background. You can tune it out, but make no mistake – it’s still right there, humming along. 

And so without realizing it, you’re still carrying around that anxiety of knowing you still have something on your plate to finish. 

And when you finally get around to facing it, it has mushroomed into something much bigger because now you’re in a race against time. 

The key to overcoming procrastination is to recognize the triggers that make you want to put things off. Is it fear of failure, or perhaps even fear of success? Or maybe the task seems too big and daunting? 

Whatever the reason, breaking it down into smaller, manageable steps can make a world of difference. Start by setting small, achievable goals. 

Believe me, the act of ticking things off your list can give you so much satisfaction and motivation to keep going. 

4) Giving in to impulses

Following on from that, let’s talk about other types of impulses. Do you tend to reach for a snack when you’re not really hungry, or impulsively buy things you don’t need? 

Impulse control is a struggle for many, myself included. But what I’ve realized is that while these moments can bring temporary satisfaction, they often lead to long-term frustration and regret. 

I can’t count the number of times I’ve turned to alcohol for coping with stress, for example. Then I’d wake up in the morning with a hangover, and I’d beat myself up for being so weak. 

Maybe you’ve had your own moments like that. Maybe you go shopping to relieve stress, then get stressed all over again when your credit card bill comes. 

That’s the thing with impulsive behavior and instant gratification – it rarely leads to long-term happiness. More often, it just makes us feel like we’re weak and incapable of making better decisions. 

5) Internalizing unpleasant comments

And that includes the stuff your inner critic says! In fact, we really could be our own worst enemies when we engage in negative self-talk. 

VeryWellMind explains why this is so damaging: 

“Basically, negative self-talk is any inner dialogue you have with yourself that may be limiting your ability to believe in yourself and your own abilities and to reach your potential. It is any thought that diminishes your ability to make positive changes in your life or your confidence in yourself to do so.”

You don’t need that kind of talk in your head, not from anyone else nor from yourself. That’s just going to make you miserable and filled with self-loathing. 

Catch yourself when you do it and change the intensity of the language so you can dial its power down.

6) Comparing yourself to others

This has been said over and over, and I think it bears repeating: “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

That’s right, if you keep comparing yourself to others, I guarantee you’re frittering your joy and self-love away. 

The funny thing is, it doesn’t even make sense. We’re all on different timelines, and we’ve got different talents and abilities. 

Focus on your own thing, and be happy for others’ successes. That’s what will make you feel good about yourself in the long run. 

7) People-pleasing

Oh, another thief of joy. If you’ve spent your life doing what will make others happy, making decisions that don’t ring true to yourself, then I can see why you haven’t felt good about yourself in a long time. 

You see, a happy life is an authentic life. An authentic life is one where you are in charge. 

Researcher Amy Bucher explains why being authentic makes us happier: 

• It cuts down on cognitive dissonance, which refers to inconsistency between values and words/deeds. We’re much happier when what we believe and what we say and do are aligned.
• We become more motivated because we truly care about the goal we’re working towards. That’s called intrinsic motivation. 
• Doing what doesn’t ring true to us is an energy-drainer. Being authentic preserves that energy and willpower. 

8) Being set in your ways

Finally, take a long, hard look at how you’re living day to day. Are you too rigid, too entrenched in your comfort zone? 

You might be depriving yourself of fun, freedom, and growth. Being set in your ways can be comfortable, but it also might be holding you back from experiencing new things and growing as a person. 

It’s easy to fall into routines that feel safe and familiar, yet these same routines can make your life feel stagnant.

So make it a habit to challenge yourself. Take more risks, even if they are small ones. Whether they pay off or not, there’s still so much satisfaction in just knowing you’ve been brave enough to try.