Compatibility isn’t just about shared hobbies and finishing each other’s sentences—it’s about the nitty-gritty of life’s big decisions.

Getting to the heart of compatibility means asking tough questions. If you and your partner can’t see eye-to-eye on these seven crucial matters, you might not be on the same page.

In my experience with love and relationships, I’ve realized agreement on these subjects is non-negotiable. They’re the foundation of a strong, lasting relationship.

So, lovebirds, let’s dive into these seven vital topics that could make or break your romantic journey.

1) Future plans

Partnership is like a tandem bicycle ride. You both need to pedal in the same direction to reach meaningful destinations.

Our first compatibility checkpoint: future plans.

If you envision a bustling city life while your partner dreams of a peaceful countryside, there’s a hitch. Similarly, if you want kids but they don’t, Houston, we have a problem.

Agreeing on future plans doesn’t mean identical dreams. It’s about finding common ground and being willing to compromise.

Disagreements on this aspect could be a red flag. So discuss those dream scenarios and ensure you’re pedaling towards a shared horizon.

2) Disagreements

You might raise a few eyebrows with this one. Aren’t disagreements a sign of incompatibility? Not necessarily.

In my experience as a relationship counselor, it’s not the absence of disagreements that signals compatibility, but how you handle them.

A couple who never disagrees might be ignoring issues that could lead to resentment later. Conversely, if arguments turn into personal attacks or prolonged silence, that’s problematic too.

Here’s a reminder: True compatibility means being able to disagree, argue, and emerge with your relationship intact. It’s about fighting fair, listening, and working towards resolution together.

3) Independence

It’s a common romantic trope in movies—the idea of two people ‘completing’ each other. But in reality, being too dependent on your partner can lead to trouble.

In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel comfortable doing things independently. Whether it’s spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies, or enjoying solitude, there should be no guilt or anxiety about time apart.

This independence doesn’t diminish love; it strengthens it. It means you’re together out of choice, not necessity.

In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into this aspect of love. It’s an essential part of being compatible: cherishing your time together but also respecting and encouraging individuality.

So take a step back, assess your relationship, and ask yourself – are you two independent individuals who choose to be together? Or are you two halves trying to make a whole? The answer can tell you a lot about your compatibility.

4) Trust

Trust, my friends, is the glue that holds a relationship together. It’s not just about being faithful; it’s about being reliable, honest, and open.

Without trust, doubts creep in. Doubts lead to second guesses, and before you know it, that beautiful bond you have starts to crack.

One of my favorite quotes is by Ernest Hemingway – “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” And it’s true. You need to give trust to gain trust.

In my own relationship, trusting my partner even when things are rocky has helped us navigate through many a storm.

If you find yourself constantly doubting your partner’s actions or words, it might be worth asking why. Is it due to past experiences? Or is there a real reason for mistrust?

Remember, a relationship without trust is like a car without gas…you can stay in it all you want, but it won’t go anywhere.

5) Money matters

Let’s be real for a moment, folks. Love might make the world go round, but money keeps the lights on.

Financial compatibility often gets overlooked in the whirlwind of romance. But trust me, differing views on money can lead to a lot of friction later on.

Your approach to spending, saving, financial goals, and handling debt all matter significantly.

I recall an old friend who loved lavish shopping sprees, while her partner was a frugal saver. Their conflicting money habits led to countless arguments and resentment.

My point being, have open conversations about money early in your relationship. It might not be the most romantic talk, but it can save a lot of heartache down the road.

6) Communication

Communication, my friends, is the lifeblood of any relationship. It’s not just about talking; it’s about connecting, understanding, and empathizing.

I always remind myself of George Bernard Shaw’s wise words, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

In my own relationship, ensuring we have open lines of communication has been key. It’s not always easy, especially when emotions run high. But taking that step to understand each other’s perspectives is worth the effort.

If you find yourself constantly misunderstood or feeling disconnected from your partner, it might be time to reassess your communication methods. Remember, love is not just about feeling; it’s also about understanding.

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7) Intimacy

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room—intimacy. And I’m not just talking about physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy too.

Intimacy is about more than just a physical connection; it’s about being able to bare your soul to your partner and feeling safe in their acceptance.

At the same time, physical intimacy is important too. It’s a way of expressing love and connecting on a deeper level. And it’s not just about quantity, but quality.

If you or your partner are constantly dissatisfied or uncomfortable with your level of intimacy, it’s important to address this issue head-on.

Remember, it takes two to tango. Both partners should feel comfortable and satisfied with their level of intimacy for a relationship to thrive. If you can’t agree on this, it might be a sign of deeper issues or incompatibility.

The science of compatibility

Compatibility, dear readers, is like a complex puzzle with many pieces. Future plans, disagreements, independence, trust, finances, communication, and intimacy—each plays a crucial role in shaping our relationships.

Take a step back, assess your relationship through these lenses, and make honest evaluations. It might not be easy, but it’s necessary for building a loving and lasting connection.

If you’re still unsure or seeking more insight into compatibility and navigating the journey of love, I recommend watching this video.

In it, Justin Brown eloquently explores the complexities of finding a life partner. He reflects on his personal experiences and shares valuable insights that can help you understand the importance of shared values and growth in a relationship.

Remember, understanding compatibility is not about finding reasons for a break-up but about celebrating differences and building bridges of understanding. Because at the end of the day, love is about growing together in harmony.