Have you met someone who believes that the universe revolves around them?

They navigate the world with this perception about themselves and always manage to ensure that the narrative is centered only on them.

Regardless of the situation they’re in, their sole focus is on themselves as the “Most Important Person in the World.”

Today we’ll learn some of the phrases these textbook narcissists use all the time. 

1) “You’re overreacting.”

The one thing narcissists love doing is to gaslight the other person into thinking they’re making things bigger than they actually are. 

Their goal? 

To diminish the experiences of the other person or brush them off so that they can steer the topic back to something more important – themselves.

Even if the other person was facing a serious challenge or inconvenience in their lives, such as losing their job or failing a huge project, these narcissists have little compassion for them. 

2) “Why do you always blame me?”

Do you hear this often when you confront a friend, partner, or family member for something they’ve done to wrong you?

Even though they’re clearly at fault and their actions have hurt you, they refuse to (or are unable to) acknowledge their mistakes and apologize.

Instead, they make themselves out to be the victim and shift the narrative so that you’re the one in the wrong. 

Using the word ‘always’ is something narcissists love to do as well, to emphasize that they somehow are always seen as the bad guy.

3) “Why do you always make this about yourself?”

This is another common gaslighting phrase that narcissists love to use (which is a little ironic).

When you attempt to share your side of the story or something that’s clearly affecting you, rather than receive sympathy, you end up getting shamed for making everything about yourself. 

This is because narcissists dislike having the spotlight or attention directed at anyone else but themselves. In their minds, they’re the only ones that matter.

So even if someone is breaking down in front of them, they genuinely believe that if anyone should be shown attention, it should be them. They’re able to cleverly twist their words and reshape the narrative so that the focus remains on them. 

4) “Of course you would say that.”

Another tactic narcissists love using is shaming. They shame you into thinking that your feelings (which are perfectly valid) are wrong.

Hearing this would definitely make one feel self-conscious – especially in a bigger group setting – and would make you think twice about speaking further about that topic.

They play on your insecurities, make you feel bad about trying to voice your opinion, and effectively shut you up, so that they can once again, direct the attention on themselves.

5) “You’re just jealous.”

Once, I overheard a couple having a heated conversation.

The woman brought up the fact that her partner had not been present much recently and felt that they should work together to find a way for the both of them to spend more meaningful time with each other. I remember her attributing the reason for his absence to a new job.

Sounds reasonable right?

The man was visibly unhappy and instead of acknowledging what she’d said, retorted that she was just jealous that he managed to get a new job, instead of ‘failing to get one after multiple tries’.

He then told her that she should be happy for him instead of blaming him for not spending enough time with her.

While I understandably may not have the full picture, he just reeked of narcissism and wasn’t even trying to be sympathetic to her situation.

When cornered, narcissists are skilled at reshaping the narrative by twisting the words of the other person and coming out as the ‘innocent party’.

6) “You should be thankful for me.”

Narcissists love to hear positive things about themselves and will control the narrative so that it stays this way.

As such, they manipulate the conversation and the emotions of the other person.

If they’re in an uncomfortable conversation where the other person has brought up a flaw of theirs, they’ll spin it around and tell that person that they should instead, be thankful for their presence. 

I’ve seen this happen in couples where one of them is a textbook narcissist and the other is still unable to figure this out. The other person will continue to feel bad about confronting their narcissistic partner for something that they did while questioning themselves again and again. 

Until they see through their partner’s manipulative tactics, they will continue to think that they should owe their successes and happiness to their partner.

7) “Stop making things up again.”

What narcissists aim to do is to make the other person think they’re crazy or unreasonable to bring up a particular topic.

Especially one that involves the narcissist having to own up to a mistake.

Narcissists know how to question another person’s memory and perception of reality by repeatedly casting doubt on what they believe to have happened.

What happens next is that the other person will start to doubt what they remembered.

They’ll end up being shamed into overreacting in a situation. 

8) “Why are you always so sensitive?”

This is similar to the previous one, but this gets a bit personal.

Narcissists can and will use personal attacks to get what they want.

They’ll use this phrase to insinuate that you’re unable to handle difficult situations and shame you for being weak.

It invalidates your feelings about that particular situation and you end up feeling stupid, that you’d feel this way for something supposedly small (when it really isn’t).

9) “You owe me this for what I’ve done for you.”

Since the whole world supposedly revolves around their existence, narcissists will ensure others feel the same way too.

I’ve heard of toxic relationships where one party will demand their partners to give in to them because they feel it is their right.

Even if their partner isn’t comfortable or is unwilling to do so, they’ll shame them into giving in.

I’ve also seen bullying at the workplace where supervisors use this to highlight the power they have over their staff.

Essentially, narcissists will use any means to make sure that they always have the upper hand in every scenario.

Conclusion

Because narcissists aren’t able to expand their worldview to include others, you will find it difficult to talk things out with them.

In such situations, it’s important to value yourself and keep your peace.

This may mean leaving a harmful relationship or distancing yourself from a friend or family member. 

It’s a little tricky when it comes to the workplace, so if you’re unable to leave that situation, confide in someone you trust.

A listening ear goes a long way and may help tide you through this period. 

Whatever the choice is, remember to always prioritize yourself.