How about a little light conversation? Bit of chitchat? A good chinwag, perhaps? 

Whatever you call it, and whether you like it or loath it, the ability to engage in small talk is an important social skill.

Making a favorable impression on others bolsters your popularity, your career prospects, and your social status. Why? Because when people like you, they help you. 

And when used masterfully, small talk can be incredibly powerful. More than a skill, it becomes an art. Everybody finds the relaxed charisma of an expert conversationalist irresistible.

So, how can you tell if you’re a master? Or what can you do to improve your chatter?

And, most importantly, how do the real superstars of schmooze work their magic on those around them while making it seem so effortless?

Well, it’s all about understanding both what to talk about and how to talk about it (while avoiding dreaded cliches).

This article examines the techniques used by conversational virtuosos that can help even the biggest introvert up their game.

If someone uses these 10 phrases, they’re a master of small talk.

1) ”I don’t think we’ve met yet, I’m ….”

That awkward moment when you’re at a social gathering and someone you’ve never met before enters the room and stands beside you… 

It’s tempting to just pretend you don’t see them (obvious!) or to turn away and chat with someone you do know (rude!).

So, why not just introduce yourself?

People who excel at small talk aren’t afraid to break the ice, and they understand the importance of putting people at ease. By making the first move informally, you let the other person off the hook and relieve any awkwardness they may be feeling.

By introducing yourself, you can also put yourself in a position where you can introduce your new acquaintance to other people. A great way to quickly become a social maven at someone else’s party!

So, don’t be afraid to start the ball rolling like the virtuoso of light conversation you are.

But if you find that approach a bit stale, why not go with something like…

 2) “Ooh, did you see that? So impressive/hilarious/awkward. I’m … by the way.” 

Masters of chitchat don’t shy away from starting conversations with observations.

Opening a conversation with a comment about something that has just taken place comes across as natural and often humorous. It puts people at ease immediately because it catches them off guard and avoids boring cliches.

Give it a try!

3) “It’s interesting you should mention that because…”

A conversation is like a tree. Starting at the trunk with the introductions, and then moving towards the branches as it progresses and can go multiple ways.

There’s a lot of options, right? Well, make the most of them!

Masters of small talk recognize opportunities to steer the interaction. For instance, someone mentions something that happened to them walking the dog that morning.

Dog lover? Bingo! An opportunity to take the conversation in another direction. (And everyone loves talking about their dogs!)

The master doesn’t approach a person with a list of topics to cover but instead lets his/her instincts guide them.

4) “Don’t you think that’s amazing, Hector*?”

People love the sound of their names. It’s literally music to their ears!

So, another thing a master of small talk will always do is remember the name of the person they are speaking to and use it from time to time.

This communicates not only politeness, but also an interest in the person. And those who feel like you are interested in them will be more interested in you. 

Bonus points if you remember the names of their kids, pets, or family members (basically anyone they mention by name during the conversation).

5) “Oh wow! That must be fascinating”

We’ve all been there… 

At a social gathering and cornered by a tedious person who keeps drilling you with question after question like:

“What do you do?”

“Where do you live?”

“Where are you from?”

“What are your hobbies?” 

And on and on…. (It’s the type of situation that would force an extrovert into hiding!)

Exchanging pleasantries is not about commenting on the weather, the government’s performance, or the escalating cost of living. Nor is it about rattling off question after question, interview style.

Conversational mastery is about finding out what makes someone tick and getting them to open up.

So, don’t ping an endless series of questions at your victim. Instead, be an active listener and take an interest in exploring their answers with them.

Who knows, what begins as a casual chat could turn into one of the best conversations of your life!

6) “So, where did you grow up?”

Great conversationalists are not afraid to ask personal questions, even to people they’ve just met.

And, of course, some people may be a little guarded, and that’s fine. If you sense this, add an anecdote about yourself. Being open first is a good technique because it then gives the other person permission to share.  

At the end of the day, people love to talk about themselves. So, the next time you’re shooting the breeze with a coworker or social acquaintance, don’t be afraid to get personal.

You may be surprised where it leads!

 7) “My teens were a nightmare! I bet you sailed through yours.”

Never underestimate the power of vulnerability when it comes to interacting with people. 

This is how, unlike your garden variety small talker, maestros take light conversation to another level.

When you show some vulnerability, you give the other person permission to also be a little vulnerable. It encourages more honest interactions and enables you to make lasting impressions and meaningful connections. 

8) “I was a total brat – my poor parents! What were you like as a child?”

Look, no one wants to chat with a robot.

This is why great conversationalists are not afraid to share, even with people they’ve just met. Talking candidly about your past experiences, whether negative or positive, can have a huge bonding effect.

But beware!

Oversharing can have the opposite effect, making people uncomfortable. They may also conclude that you are some sort of desperado and try to distance themselves.

So, take care not to overshare!

9) “Did you ever have a similar experience?” 

OK, so your conversation is going well. You’re putting your partner at ease, finding a lot of common ground, using their name appropriately, and (most importantly) enjoying yourself.

But beware not to fall prey to a common conversational mistake…Hogging the verbiage. 

Masters of small talk know how to make the other person feel like the most interesting person in the room. Therefore, they understand the importance of allowing others to speak as much as possible.

So, even with the great momentum you’ve got going, be sure to allow plenty of pauses that invite your partner to share more. 

Like your mama told you, “You have two ears and one mouth for a reason.” 

10) “It’s like you were saying about your recent trip to…”

A paragon of conversation remembers details people share with them and uses them to link subjects to one another.

For example, when the person you’re speaking with mentions they’ve recently returned from a trip to Baku. Be sure to revisit the subject by asking them what their impressions were of a particular aspect of the city.

Referring to the little details people share is highly flattering because it shows you’ve been listening to them and are genuinely interested in them.

Final thoughts

It’s totally normal to feel awkward around new people or struggle to find the right thing to say from time to time. We’re all human! 

But masters of small talk understand that everyone has insecurities and the same social needs (love, acceptance, belonging).

In social interactions, they charm others by putting them at ease and winning them over by using the 10 phrases and techniques above.  

Use them yourself and you’ll be on your way to becoming a social butterfly!