Some people are just born with knives for a mouth, intending to wound whomever they encounter.

They’re alarmingly talented in psychologically breaking people down. 

Protect yourselves from these kinds of people. Or at the very least, be on the lookout for them. 

In this article, we’re focusing on the phrases they say that can clue you in.  

If someone uses these 10 phrases, they’re a master at psychologically breaking people down. 

1) “If you loved me, you would…”

What this is and how it can be used against you: This is an ultimatum masquerading as a need for a declaration of love.

This can be used to corner you, to coerce you into doing something that you don’t want to do. 

“The common ‘if you loved me, you would do this for me’ makes people feel like they have no choice. It can create a toxic, isolating environment really quickly [because] it can reduce the sense of autonomy someone feels in their own decision making, which can result in them feeling controlled by their partner.” says Michela Dalsing, a licensed mental health counselor.

People who often use ultimatums to get what they want are masters at psychologically wounding others.

They don’t care about the means, they don’t care who they’ll hurt, they just want what they want with no regard to anything else. 

2) “I never said that”

What this is and how it can be used against you: Gaslighting.

It can be used to make you doubt yourself.

It can be used to make you doubt what really happened.

Did they really say it? Did you remember it wrongly? Were they not the ones who said it? Are you being too suspicious?

Someone who can make you question your reality is someone who is a master at breaking you down. 

3) “You’re overreacting”

What this is and how it can be used against you: This is also gaslighting.

Other variations include “You’re being crazy!” or “It’s all in your head.” 

They want to make you believe that your reaction is uncalled for.

They want to make you believe this not only for that instance but also for next time.

They want to nip it in the bud, so to speak. 

They’re making you question your ability to voice your opinions. 

4) “Stop being too sensitive”

What this is and how it can be used against you: They’re making you believe that you’re not allowed your feelings.

Similar to the point about, they want you to second guess yourself for next time. 

They’re making it seem that you being hurt is you being too sensitive, thus pushing the blame back to you.

Whoever takes the blame loses, at least in their head, that is. 

5) “You owe me”

What this is and how it can be used against you: Weaponizing guilt.

They’re keeping score. They’re reminding you that this is them cashing it in.

This is them weaponizing your emotions against you.

You’ll feel bad for them. You’ll do what they ask of you because “it’s only fair”. 

To be clear, I don’t think it’s manipulative every time this statement is used, but it could be.

It could be if it’s repeated enough—if it’s used enough that this becomes the only thing they do to get you to agree to something.  

6) “Everyone will hate you if you don’t do this”

What this is and how it can be used against you: Weaponizing fear and public opinion.

If your sense of self is already on a rocky foundation, it’ll be easy for them to use public opinion against you. 

They will make you fear being hated by everyone.

They will push you into a corner and make you do what they want by making you believe everyone will be against you. 

(P.S. People are too busy with their own lives to care about your personal decisions. If you truly find yourself anxious over this, get a second opinion.)

7) “I will hate you if you do this”

What this is and how it can be used against you: Could be an ultimatum.

It can force you to do something you don’t want. 

I was on the fence about including this one here because I can see instances where it can be said without being morally unsound—like preventing other people from willingly putting themselves in bad situations.

However, I decided to include it in the end because it has the potential to be overused. 

It has the potential to be used as a tool for control.

Hate is such a heavy feeling that being on the receiving end of this threat (yes, it can sound threatening) will weigh on anyone. 

As much as love can make us do stupid things, hate does, too. 

8) “If you don’t choose, I will…”

What this is and how it can be used against you: Using pressure to undermine your autonomy. 

Have you ever felt pressured over something that your brain just malfunctions? I have.

Have you ever felt pressured by someone that you’re just about ready to give them full rein? I have. 

Anxiety over decisions is a very real thing.

“Decision-making anxiety causes folks to feel frozen in fear because they can’t seem to land on what is right or they get downright depressed because the fear of making the wrong decision shuts them down and makes it almost impossible to make a move,” says Mindful Living Counseling. 

9) “This is how you repay me?”

What this is and how it can be used against you: Guilt trips are never fun forms of vacation.

Anyone who needs to remind you of what they did for you never helped you for the sake of. 

It was and is purely transactional to them. You are a means to an end. 

Owing favors is normal, but being condescending to get what you want as a form of “repayment” isn’t. 

10) “This is on you” 

What this is and how it can be used against you: Weaponizing blame and accountability.

This is a way for them to shift blame (a spineless move, actually.)

Admittedly, there are times when you are to blame, but discernment is important. Are they saying you’re at fault just to escape responsibility? 

Are you actually responsible? People who are masters at breaking people down will be quick to pass on blame, make sure you’re vigilant. 

A small note to you

If you find yourself at the other end of any of these statements, I am empathizing with you.

I hope you find it in you not to engage or leave these kinds of people. 

You do not deserve to be a psychological battlefield for them. You deserve brilliance and people who will lift you up, not break you down. 

May you be surrounded by people who have your best interests at heart.