You may have met someone who seems to lack social skills – who leaves people they talk to feeling worse, and can’t seem to pick up on important social cues. 

Part of the problem here is the phrases they choose to use. Though of course body language says a lot, the wrong words can become seared in someone’s mind, no matter how big of a smile you say them with. 

In this article, I’ll be highlighting 7 phrases that signal poor social skills when used in conversation. If you catch yourself using these, it might be time to rethink the way you communicate. Let’s dive in.

1) “You’re too sensitive”

In the realm of conversation, the ability to empathize and validate other’s feelings is key.

Yet, one of the most common phrases that indicate a lack of social skills is “You’re too sensitive.” This phrase, far from being empathetic or validating, is often used to dismiss or belittle the feelings of others.

The message these words convey is essentially that the other person’s feelings are invalid or exaggerated.

Rather than fostering understanding and connection, it creates a divide and can make the other person feel misunderstood or ignored. This is hardly the sign of good social skills.

2) “But I…”

One phrase that often slips into our conversation, indicating a lack of social skills, is “But I…” This phrase usually signals a defensive response and shifts the focus back to us, away from the person we are conversing with.

Let me share a personal example. A while back, a friend of mine shared with me that they felt I was not present during our recent hangouts.

Instead of listening and understanding their perspective, my immediate response was, “But I have been so busy lately…”

In retrospect, I realized I didn’t acknowledge their feelings. Instead, I made it about me. That’s what “But I…” statements do. They deflect the focus from the other person’s feelings and experiences and center it back on us.

Learning to listen without feeling the need to justify or defend ourselves is an important social skill.

The next time you’re tempted to start a sentence with “But I…”, pause and consider how you might respond more empathetically.

3) “Actually…”

“Actually…” is a word that can easily slip into our conversation without us even noticing. However, when overused, it can be a clear sign of poor social skills.

The issue with “actually” is that it often signals correction or contradiction, which can make the other person feel as if they’re being put down or that their knowledge is being questioned.

You may have seen for yourself that individuals who frequently correct others in conversation are generally less liked. The reason? Constant correction can be perceived as a sign of arrogance or superiority.

Try to find a more collaborative way to share your knowledge or perspective without making the other person feel corrected or contradicted.

4) “Whatever”

Dismissing someone’s opinion or input with a nonchalant “Whatever” is a clear sign of lacking social skills.

This phrase can come across as indifferent or even disrespectful, conveying that you don’t value what the other person is saying.

“Whatever” can effectively shut down a conversation and build a barrier between you and the other person. It’s a word that inhibits connection and understanding, rather than fostering it.

If you catch yourself using “Whatever” to end discussions or brush off opinions, it might be time to replace it with more open-ended, respectful phrases.

Something like “I see your point, but I have a different perspective,” can keep the lines of communication open and respectful.

5) “Calm down”

If there’s one phrase that can escalate a situation rather than diffuse it, it’s “Calm down.” This phrase, while often used with good intentions, can come across as dismissive and patronizing.

Telling someone to “calm down” invalidates their emotions. It sends a message that their feelings are not appropriate or too much to handle. It can make them feel unheard, belittled, and even more upset.

I’ve found that instead of asking others to suppress their emotions with a “calm down,” acknowledging their feelings and showing understanding can go a long way in building better conversations and relationships.

Phrases like “I understand why you’re upset,” or “Let’s work through this together,” can help create a safe space for open, honest communication.

6) “You always…” or “You never…”

Using absolute terms like “always” or “never” in a conversation is a clear sign of poor social skills. These phrases can come across as accusatory, unfair, and can put the other person on the defensive.

I remember a time when I was having an argument with a close friend. The words “You never listen to me” slipped out of my mouth.

In that moment, I saw her expression change. She felt attacked and defensive, and our conversation quickly spiraled downhill.

What I’ve learned since then is that dealing in absolutes rarely gets us anywhere.

It’s more productive to focus on specific instances or behaviors rather than labeling someone as ‘always’ or ‘never’ doing something. It fosters a healthier dialogue and prevents unnecessary hurt.

7) “I told you so”

Among the phrases that reflect poor social skills, “I told you so” sits at the top. It’s a phrase that is rarely, if ever, received well. It comes across as smug and self-satisfying, often adding insult to injury for the person on the receiving end.

The issue with “I told you so” is that it doesn’t contribute anything positive to the conversation. Instead, it often feels like a victory lap for being right at the expense of someone else’s misfortune or mistake.

A key part of good social skills is knowing how to handle being right without making others feel wrong.

If you find yourself tempted to say “I told you so,” consider offering empathy or support instead. It will be far more appreciated and foster better relationships in the long run.

Final thoughts: It’s all about empathy

At the heart of social skills lies a fundamental human trait – empathy. The ability to understand and share the feelings of others goes a long way in shaping our conversations and relationships.

Research from Charles Sturt University has found that empathy is a vital component in successful social interactions. It’s not just about saying the right words; it’s about creating an environment of understanding, respect, and mutual exchange.

When we avoid phrases that dismiss, belittle, or invalidate others, we open up space for healthier, more meaningful conversations. We allow for connections that are based on mutual respect and understanding.