We all have conversations, but sometimes, those discussions are filled with phrases that are more off-putting than we’d like to admit.

You might interact with someone and struggle to feel a connection or wonder if their manner of speaking is as odd as it seems.

How do you know if someone truly lacks people skills, or if they’re just having an off day?

After reflecting deeply on my interactions and conversations with various people, I have compiled a list of 9 phrases that suggest a deficiency in social skills.

If these sound familiar, it might be time to rethink your communication approach.

1) “You’re wrong…”

Let’s start with a big one. A phrase that instantly raises red flags in any conversation – “You’re wrong…”.

Navigating disagreements is a key part of interpersonal communication. However, people lacking in people skills often struggle here.

Instead of seeking to understand or engage in a constructive dialogue, they outright dismiss others’ perspectives.

They use phrases like “You’re wrong…” or “That’s not correct…” without a second thought.

This not only shuts down the conversation but also signals a lack of respect for the other person’s viewpoint. It’s equivalent to saying that their thoughts or ideas hold no value.

Remember, effective communication is about dialogue and understanding, not about winning or losing a debate.

If you find yourself using this phrase often, or you notice others using it, it’s a clear sign that some work needs to be done on their people skills.

This phrase can be seen as confrontational and dismissive, which certainly won’t win you any friends in the long run.

2) “I don’t need your advice…”

We’ve all been there. Someone gives unsolicited advice and the instinctive response is, “I don’t need your advice…”.

I remember a time when I was planning a trip and a friend suggested an alternative route. My initial response? You guessed it – “I don’t need your advice…”.

Looking back, I realize how dismissive and ungracious that must have sounded. My friend was just trying to help, and instead of appreciating it, I shut them down completely.

This phrase not only shuts down the conversation but also signals that you’re not open to other perspectives. It can come across as arrogant and even rude.

Learning to accept advice graciously, even when you don’t necessarily agree with it, is a sign of good people skills. 

3) “Whatever…”

“Whatever…” is often thrown into a conversation as a verbal shrug. It’s the equivalent of raising a white flag and signaling that you’ve checked out of the conversation.

Using “whatever…” can come across as passive-aggressive, showing a lack of interest or unwillingness to engage further in the conversation.

If you find yourself using this phrase often, it’s a clear indication that your people skills could use some work.

It’s worth making the effort to communicate more effectively and show more respect to those you’re conversing with.

4) “That’s not my problem…”

In any conversation, especially when it comes to problem-solving, empathy is key. A phrase that instantly flags a lack of empathy is “That’s not my problem…”.

This phrase instantly puts up a barrier between you and the other person.

It communicates a lack of concern for their issues or challenges, which can be incredibly off-putting.

People with strong interpersonal skills understand the importance of showing empathy and offering support where they can.

Even if you genuinely can’t help with the issue at hand, there are much better ways to communicate this without seeming dismissive or uncaring.

5) “It’s not a big deal…”

One phrase that can quickly derail a conversation is “It’s not a big deal…”.

This can be particularly damaging when the other person is sharing something they find important or distressing.

By saying “It’s not a big deal…”, you’re effectively belittling their feelings or concerns.

It communicates a lack of understanding and empathy, and can make the other person feel invalidated or dismissed.

If someone is sharing something with you, it’s crucial to validate their feelings, even if you don’t fully understand or agree with them.

Instead of dismissing their concerns, try offering support or asking more questions to better understand their viewpoint.

6) “You always…” or “You never…”

Generalizations can be a real conversation killer. Phrases like “You always…” or “You never…” can often lead to hurt feelings and defensiveness.

These absolute statements can feel like personal attacks, making the other person feel accused and judged.

It’s as if you’re defining their entire character by one action or behavior.

I’ve seen friendships strained and relationships tested because of these generalizations.

It’s important to remember that people are complex and multifaceted, and it’s unfair to label them based on singular actions or patterns.

Instead, focus on the specific behavior or incident that has upset you, rather than characterizing the entire person.

This approach is more likely to lead to productive conversations and better understanding.

7) “I’m just being honest…”

Honesty is a virtue, but it can also be a double-edged sword. The phrase “I’m just being honest…” often precedes a hurtful or harsh comment.

I remember using it as a shield, trying to justify a blunt statement that ended up hurting a dear friend.

This phrase can sometimes be an excuse for rudeness or insensitivity.

It signals a lack of tact and diplomacy, essential components of effective communication.

Being honest doesn’t mean disregarding the feelings of others. It’s possible to be truthful and considerate at the same time.

So if “I’m just being honest…” is a regular part of your conversations, it might be time to rethink your communication approach.

8) “It’s just a joke…”

A sense of humor can be a great ice breaker in conversations. However, the phrase “It’s just a joke…” can often signal a lack of sensitivity or understanding.

This phrase is usually used to dismiss someone’s feelings after they’ve been hurt by a comment or action intended to be funny.

Instead of acknowledging the misstep, it shifts the blame to the other person for not finding it amusing.

Good people skills involve recognizing when a joke has crossed a line, and knowing how to apologize sincerely when it does. 

9) “I don’t care…”

Perhaps the most telling phrase of them all is “I don’t care…”.

This is a clear indication of apathy and disinterest, signaling a lack of respect for the other person’s thoughts or feelings.

Effective communication and strong people skills are rooted in empathy and understanding.

By saying “I don’t care…”, you’re essentially closing the door on any form of meaningful connection or dialogue.

Remember, it’s not just about the words we say but also the intent and emotion behind them.

If you truly wish to improve your people skills, it’s important to show genuine interest and care in your conversations with others.

Words matter

Words have power. They can build bridges, or they can burn them. They can foster understanding, or they can fuel discord.

Our conversations and the phrases we choose to use are the building blocks of our relationships. They’re the tools we use to express our thoughts, ideas, and emotions.

When someone frequently uses phrases such as “You’re wrong…” or “I don’t care…”, it’s more than just poor word choice.

It signals a deeper issue – a lack of empathy, understanding, or respect for others.

Improving our people skills starts with recognizing these verbal red flags in our own conversations and making a conscious effort to communicate more effectively.