There’s a fine line between being persuasive and being insidious.

When someone is trying to subtly manipulate you, they often use certain phrases designed to get their way while masking their true motives.

On the flip side, there are phrases that serve as red flags, signaling that the person you’re dealing with might not have your best interests at heart.

In this article, I’m going to share with you 9 subtly insidious phrases that, if someone uses them regularly, are a good sign they’re someone you should probably steer clear of.

1) Trust me, I know what’s best for you

In the realm of relationships, personal or professional, one key element of respect is acknowledging each individual’s ability to make their own decisions.

However, there are those who tend to cross this line, subtly implying they know what’s best for you. They use phrases that quietly undermine your decision-making ability and make you question your choices.

“Trust me, I know what’s best for you” is one such phrase. It might seem innocent at first glance, but it carries a sense of condescension and control that can erode trust and independence over time.

This phrase suggests the person using it believes they have superior judgement or insight. It’s a subtle way of dismissing your perspective and asserting control over your choices.

If someone frequently uses this phrase, it’s a clear sign they may not respect your autonomy, something crucial in every healthy relationship. Be wary of those who claim to know what’s best for you, and remember: only you truly know what’s best for yourself.

2) I hate to be the one to tell you this, but…

We’ve all come across individuals who take it upon themselves to deliver unsolicited advice or criticism, often cloaked in the guise of ‘helping’ or ‘caring’. One phrase they often use is “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but…”

I recall a friend who had a habit of using this phrase. It always made me feel uncomfortable, as if I was about to hear something I wasn’t ready for or didn’t want to know. And more often than not, the information shared was negative and unnecessary.

The phrase itself is subtly manipulative. It suggests that the speaker has reluctantly taken up the burden of delivering some harsh truth, implying that they are doing so out of concern. But in reality, it’s often used as a way to criticize or control under the pretext of caring.

If you notice someone frequently using this phrase, it might be a sign that they’re not as concerned about your well-being as they claim. It’s always important to ensure that the people around you are genuinely supportive and respectful of your feelings.

3) You wouldn’t understand

Phrases like “You wouldn’t understand” or “It’s too complex for you” are often used to belittle or dismiss someone’s ability to comprehend a situation. This phrase is a subtle way of asserting superiority while undermining the other person’s confidence and intelligence.

People who underestimate others’ intelligence tend to overestimate their own. This phenomenon, known as the Dunning-Kruger effect, shows that less competent individuals often fail to recognize their own lack of skill, and incorrectly assess others’ abilities as well.

When someone uses this phrase, it’s not necessarily a reflection of your understanding or intelligence, but rather their inability to communicate effectively or their need to feel superior. It’s a clear sign that they may not value your input or perspective. Keep in mind that everyone has unique insights to offer and no one should be made to feel inferior or excluded.

4) I was just joking

Humor is a wonderful thing – it brings people together, lightens the mood, and can even help during stressful situations. However, when someone consistently follows up their offensive or hurtful comments with “I was just joking”, it might be a red flag.

This phrase is often used as a defense mechanism to mask the speaker’s true feelings or intentions, allowing them to express negativity without taking responsibility for it. It can be a way of testing boundaries or getting away with inappropriate comments.

If someone frequently hides behind the shield of ‘humor’ to say hurtful things, it’s a sign that they might not be respectful of your feelings. Remember, a joke is only funny if everyone involved finds it amusing. It’s crucial to communicate and set boundaries when humor crosses the line into disrespect.

5) I’m not being mean, I’m just being honest

Honesty is indeed a virtue, but there’s a difference between being honest and being tactless or hurtful. When someone frequently prefaces or follows up their harsh comments with “I’m not being mean, I’m just being honest”, it can be a cause for concern.

This phrase is often used as a way to justify unkind or negative comments under the guise of honesty. It can create a toxic dynamic where one person constantly criticizes or belittles the other, while maintaining the illusion of simply being ‘frank’.

If someone uses this phrase regularly, it’s a clear indicator that they may not know how to express their thoughts and feelings in a considerate and respectful manner. Constructive criticism is one thing, but continuous negativity under the banner of ‘honesty’ might be a sign that this person isn’t the best company.

6) You’re too sensitive

In a world that often values strength and resilience, being told “You’re too sensitive” can feel like a punch to the gut. This phrase is often used to dismiss your feelings or to make you feel guilty for expressing your emotions.

Being sensitive isn’t a weakness. It means you’re capable of deep empathy and emotional understanding, which are essential qualities for meaningful relationships.

Whenever someone uses this phrase to belittle or invalidate your feelings, it can be deeply hurtful. It’s a sign they might not be valuing your emotions as they should.

In any relationship, it’s crucial that both parties respect each other’s feelings and emotions. If you find someone frequently telling you that you’re ‘too sensitive’, it may be a sign they’re not the best person to spend time with. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be around people who acknowledge and respect that.

7) I’m only saying this for your own good

This is one phrase that I’ve had personal experience with. “I’m only saying this for your own good” is often used as a cover to deliver harsh criticism or unsolicited advice.

A former colleague of mine used to frequently use this phrase, usually when giving me feedback that was more negative than constructive. It made me question my abilities, and created an atmosphere of self-doubt and insecurity.

In reality, this phrase is often used as a way to assert control or superiority over others. It’s a subtle method of manipulation, making the receiver question their own judgement while the speaker appears to have their best interests at heart.

If you notice someone using this phrase regularly, it could be a sign that they might not be as well-meaning as they seem. Constructive feedback is always welcome, but not when it’s delivered in a way that undermines your confidence or self-esteem.

8) I’m just saying…

“I’m just saying…” is a phrase that’s often used to soften the blow of a negative comment or criticism. It’s usually used to deflect responsibility from the speaker, allowing them to share potentially hurtful information while distancing themselves from the impact of their words.

This phrase can create an environment where one person feels free to share negative comments without considering the feelings of the other person. It’s a subtle way of giving oneself permission to be critical or negative without having to deal with the consequences.

If you find someone using this phrase frequently, it might be indicative of their lack of empathy or unwillingness to take responsibility for their words. Communication should always be respectful and considerate, and this phrase is often a sign that someone may not be practicing that.

9) You always… or You never…

Absolute terms like “always” and “never” are often used in arguments to exaggerate a point or highlight a recurring issue. However, when someone frequently uses these phrases to criticize or blame you, it’s a significant red flag.

Phrases like “You always mess up” or “You never listen to me” can be incredibly damaging. They’re not only unfair but also dismissive of your efforts and achievements.

These phrases can create an environment of blame and criticism, where one person feels constantly at fault. It’s a clear sign of a lack of respect and understanding.

If someone often uses these absolute terms to criticize or blame you, it’s a strong indication that they may not be valuing your worth or efforts. Everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect, but constant criticism is not healthy or productive. Remember, you deserve respect and understanding just as much as anyone else.

Final thoughts: It’s all about respect

The essence of our interactions and relationships often boils down to one fundamental principle: respect.

Respect for each other’s feelings, thoughts, boundaries, and experiences is what fosters healthy and meaningful connections.

The phrases we’ve discussed in this article aren’t inherently evil. They become problematic when they’re used repetitively to belittle, manipulate, or dismiss someone’s feelings or experiences.

It’s imperative to remember that words carry weight. The way we communicate can significantly influence the dynamics of our relationships.

The American poet Maya Angelou once said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

If someone frequently uses these subtly insidious phrases and makes you feel undervalued or uncomfortable, it might be a sign to reevaluate that relationship. Trust your feelings and instincts. You deserve respect, kindness, and understanding in all your interactions.