There’s a telling difference between self-confidence and self-absorption.

The difference lies in empathy. A self-absorbed individual often prioritizes their own thoughts, feelings, and desires above others, without considering the impact on those around them.

In conversations, this can be particularly noticeable. According to psychology, there are specific phrases that give away a person’s self-absorption.

In this article, we’re going to explore these 10 tell-tale phrases. So, if someone uses these phrases regularly in conversation, they might just be more into themselves than you thought.

Let’s get started. 

1) I, Me, Myself

In the domain of psychology, the words we use can be quite revealing.

A person who is deeply self-absorbed tends to use first-person pronouns excessively. Phrases beginning with “I”, “me” or “my” are common giveaways.

These individuals may often steer the conversation back towards themselves, their experiences, or their accomplishments. Regardless of the topic at hand, they somehow find a way to make it about them.

This isn’t to say that using “I”, “me”, or “my” is inherently self-absorbed. It’s the frequency and context that matter.

For instance, if someone consistently changes the subject of conversation to be about themselves, especially when it’s not relevant or appropriate, this could be a sign of deep self-absorption.

2) They never ask about you

One of the most blatant signs of self-absorption is a lack of interest in others. For instance, they rarely ask about your day, your feelings, or your experiences.

I recall a friend of mine, let’s call her Jane. Jane was always the life of the party, always had a story to share. But it struck me one day that Jane never really asked about my life. Our conversations were always centered around her latest adventures, her problems, her victories.

I realized then that despite all our time together, Jane knew very little about me. She was so wrapped up in her world that she forgot to ask about mine.

If someone rarely asks about your life or feelings, it’s a pretty clear indicator they might be deeply self-absorbed.

3) Excessive name-dropping

Name-dropping is a classic tactic used by self-absorbed individuals. They casually mention influential people they know, expensive purchases they’ve made, or exclusive events they’ve attended.

Psychologists have found that self-absorbed individuals tend to name-drop as a way to assert their status or importance. They believe this will make them more interesting or impressive to others.

However, this often backfires. Instead of appearing well-connected or successful, it can come across as pretentious and self-centered. People are usually more interested in genuine conversation and connection than in a list of names or accomplishments.

4) They constantly one-up you

Another common trait of self-absorbed individuals is their need to always one-up others. If you share an experience or achievement, they quickly chime in with a story of their own that they believe outshines yours.

Perhaps you’ve just returned from an amazing vacation and are excited to share your experiences. Instead of showing genuine interest or enthusiasm, they immediately start talking about an even more exotic trip they once took.

This constant need to outdo others often stems from a deep-seated insecurity. They feel the need to prove their worth and value, often at the expense of others.

5) They’re always the victim

Self-absorbed individuals often portray themselves as the victim, regardless of the situation. They have an uncanny ability to twist any scenario to appear as if they’ve been wronged or slighted.

Their stories usually involve them being treated unfairly or not getting the recognition they believe they deserve. They rarely take responsibility for their actions or acknowledge their role in a situation.

This victim mentality allows them to maintain a self-image of innocence and righteousness. It’s a defense mechanism that shields them from criticism and accountability.

They’re more interested in preserving their self-image than in understanding or acknowledging reality.

6) They lack empathy

At its core, self-absorption often comes with a marked lack of empathy. These individuals struggle to put themselves in someone else’s shoes or understand their feelings.

This lack of empathy can be particularly hurtful. Friends and loved ones may feel ignored, undervalued, or dismissed. Their feelings and experiences are often overshadowed by the self-absorbed individual’s preoccupation with their own.

It’s like being in a room with someone, but they’re so busy looking at their own reflection that they forget you’re there too.

7) They rarely express genuine gratitude

A common trait among self-absorbed individuals is a lack of genuine gratitude. They often take things for granted and fail to recognize or appreciate the efforts of others.

This hit close to home for me when I went out of my way to help a colleague with a project. I spent hours assisting them, expecting at least a word of thanks. But instead, they acted as if it was something they were entitled to.

This lack of appreciation left me feeling used and unvalued. It was then that I realized the importance of expressing genuine gratitude, something that self-absorbed individuals often overlook.

8) They’re overly generous with advice

While it might seem like a positive trait, being overly generous with advice can actually be a sign of self-absorption. These individuals often believe they know best and don’t hesitate to share their wisdom, whether it’s asked for or not.

Their advice often comes from a place of wanting to assert their superiority or intelligence rather than genuinely wanting to help. They view their opinions as facts and expect others to agree and follow suit.

It’s not really about helping you; it’s about asserting their dominance and control.

9) They’re overly critical

Self-absorbed individuals often have a habit of being overly critical of others. They point out flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings without hesitation, often without considering the feelings of the other person.

This behavior stems from their need to feel superior and in control. By criticizing others, they uplift themselves and reinforce their own self-importance.

However, this constant negativity can be damaging to those around them, creating a toxic environment of judgment and criticism.

10) They struggle to genuinely celebrate others

The ability to genuinely celebrate the success and happiness of others is a sign of a balanced and empathetic individual. However, self-absorbed individuals often struggle with this.

They find it difficult to be genuinely happy for others without feeling threatened or overshadowed. Instead of sharing in their joy, they might downplay the achievement or shift the focus back onto themselves.

This inability to celebrate others is perhaps one of the most telling signs of deep self-absorption.

It reveals an underlying insecurity and a need to always be the center of attention.

Reflection: Understanding not condemning

Human behavior is a complex tapestry, woven with threads of psychology, upbringing, experiences, and personality traits. It’s essential to remember this when encountering individuals who may be self-absorbed.

Recognizing self-absorption is not about pointing fingers or assigning blame. Rather, it’s about understanding the dynamics of our interactions and relationships.

Self-absorption doesn’t necessarily make someone bad or unworthy of connection. Like all of us, these individuals may be carrying emotional wounds or insecurities that manifest in their behavior.

As we navigate our relationships and conversations, it’s worth reflecting on these signs of self-absorption. Not to judge or condemn, but to better understand the people around us and perhaps even ourselves.

Empathy and patience can go a long way in fostering healthier, more meaningful interactions. And who knows? With time and understanding, even the most self-absorbed individuals might begin to change their tune.