There’s a real divide between being genuine and being insincere in conversations.

This divide often comes down to language. Using certain phrases can be a dead giveaway that someone lacks sincerity and class.

Being insincere is all about saying what you think others want to hear, rather than speaking from the heart. And lacking class? That’s often about using language that belittles others or makes them feel uncomfortable.

I’m going to share 10 phrases that are telltale signs of insincerity and a lack of class. If you hear these in a conversation, you’ll know what’s really going on.

Let’s get started. 

1) Trust me…

In any conversation, trust is a key ingredient. It’s the foundation upon which all meaningful interactions are built.

But here’s the thing about trust – it’s something that should be earned, not demanded.

When someone uses the phrase “Trust me…” frequently in a conversation, it’s often a red flag. It’s like they’re trying to bypass the usual process of earning trust and simply demand it instead.

And while it can be used innocently enough in some contexts, in many cases, it’s a sign of someone who may lack sincerity and class.

This phrase can be used to cover up a lack of evidence, expertise, or even honesty. It’s a way to quickly end questions or doubts without actually addressing them.

In essence, “Trust me…” attempts to leverage social pressure – the listener is subtly encouraged to accept what they’re being told without question because challenging it might seem rude or confrontational.

2) I’m not being rude, but…

We’ve all been in conversations where this phrase has cropped up. It’s a classic example of a backhanded way to deliver a potentially offensive or harsh comment.

I remember a time when I was discussing a project with a colleague. He looked at me and said, “I’m not being rude, but I don’t think you’re capable of handling this.”

This phrase is a clear indicator of insincerity and lack of class. It’s a way to absolve oneself of the consequences of their words before they’ve even said them. It gives the speaker a free pass to say whatever they want, under the guise of honesty or helpful criticism.

But there’s nothing honest or helpful about it. It’s just a thinly veiled attempt to insult or belittle someone else without seeming like the bad guy.

3) No offense, but…

This phrase is a cousin to “I’m not being rude, but…”. It’s another way people often try to distance themselves from the impact of their words.

“No offense, but…” is typically followed by something that is, in fact, offensive. It’s a phrase that linguists call a ‘performativity contradiction’, where the speaker contradicts themselves within the same sentence.

The speaker is essentially saying something offensive while simultaneously claiming not to be offensive. It’s like saying, “I’m not lying, but…” and then telling a lie.

What’s interesting is that studies have shown that when someone hears “No offense, but…”, they are actually more likely to be offended by what follows. This is because the phrase signals that something potentially hurtful is coming, putting the listener on the defensive.

4) It’s just business…

This statement is often used as an excuse for inconsiderate or unkind behavior. It’s a way of distancing oneself from the personal impact of their actions.

When someone says, “It’s just business…”, what they’re really saying is that they don’t feel they need to consider the human side of things. They’re implying that business is a realm where normal rules of decency and respect don’t apply.

But true class and sincerity extend to all areas of life, business included. It’s possible – and necessary – to be professional without being cold or callous.

If someone frequently uses this phrase, it might be a sign that they’re using “business” as an excuse to behave poorly. And that’s a clear indication of insincerity and lack of class.

5) I’m just saying…

This phrase often follows a controversial or harsh statement and is used to soften the blow and avoid accountability for the impact of one’s words.

“I’m just saying…” is a way for someone to share their thoughts, often unsolicited, without taking responsibility for how they might be received. It’s a way to express negative opinions or criticisms while trying to sidestep any potential backlash.

When you hear “I’m just saying…”, it could be a signal that the person speaking isn’t considering the feelings or perspectives of others. They’re prioritizing their own need to express themselves over the potential discomfort or harm their words might cause.

This lack of empathy and refusal to take responsibility are clear signs of insincerity and a lack of class.

6) But I was just joking…

Humor is a beautiful thing. It has the power to connect us, to lighten our burdens, and to bring joy into our lives. But it can also be used as a tool to hurt or belittle others, often disguised as a “joke”.

Sarcasm or offensive humor followed by “But I was just joking…” is a classic way of deflecting responsibility for the impact of one’s words. It’s a way to avoid being held accountable for insensitive or disrespectful comments.

It’s heartbreaking when humor, something that should bring us together, is used as a weapon to tear others down.

If someone hides behind this phrase, it can be an indication that they lack sincerity and class. Because true class involves understanding the power of our words and using them to uplift others, not bring them down.

7) Well, actually…

This phrase is often used as a way to correct or contradict someone under the guise of being helpful. But more often than not, it’s used to assert dominance or superiority in a conversation.

I remember being in a meeting where I was presenting an idea I’d been working on for weeks. Just as I was getting to the crux of my proposal, a colleague interrupted with, “Well, actually…”

What followed was a slight twist on my idea, which he presented as his own. This wasn’t about improving the idea or contributing constructively. It was about asserting dominance and belittling my contribution.

When someone frequently uses “Well, actually…”, it’s often a sign they’re more interested in proving themselves right or showcasing their knowledge than engaging in a genuine dialogue. This lack of sincerity and class can damage relationships and stifle collaborative efforts.

8) I’m not one to gossip, but…

This phrase might seem innocent enough on the surface. After all, the speaker is declaring they’re not into gossiping. But then comes the inevitable “but”, followed by a juicy piece of gossip.

It’s a paradoxical phrase. By saying they’re not one to gossip, the speaker attempts to distance themselves from the act they’re about to commit.

In reality, this phrase often precedes a piece of gossip, indicating that the speaker is, in fact, willing to spread rumors or confidential information. This not only signifies a lack of sincerity but also a lack of class.

9) I hate to be the one to tell you this, but…

This phrase is usually followed by bad news or criticism. It’s a way for the speaker to present themselves as the reluctant bearer of bad news, as if they’re doing you a favor by telling you something unpleasant.

In reality, it’s often used as a way to shift blame or avoid taking responsibility for delivering the message.

When someone says, “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but…”, they’re often not so much concerned about your feelings as they are about preserving their own image.

This lack of sincerity and unwillingness to take responsibility for their words are signs of a lack of class. So when you hear this phrase, it might be wise to take what follows with a grain of salt.

10) To be honest with you…

This phrase might seem like a sign of honesty, but it can often imply the opposite. If someone feels the need to preface their statements with “To be honest with you…”, it can make you wonder: aren’t they usually honest?

This phrase is often used to add weight to a statement or to make the speaker seem more trustworthy. But in reality, honesty should be the default in any conversation, not something that needs to be highlighted.

If someone uses this phrase frequently, it could suggest that they’re not as sincere as they want you to believe. True sincerity and class don’t require constant reassurances of honesty – they’re demonstrated through consistent, respectful communication.

Words matter

As we navigate our way through the labyrinth of conversations and relationships, it’s essential to remember that words matter.

Each phrase we utter, each sentence we construct, carries with it an undercurrent of our sincerity and class. Or, as is the case with the phrases we’ve explored, a lack thereof.

The language we use shapes our interactions. It can build bridges or walls. It can uplift or belittle. It can showcase our respect for others or reveal our disregards.

Remember, sincerity and class are not just about what we say but how we say it. They’re about respecting others’ experiences and perspectives, about engaging in genuine dialogue rather than asserting dominance or avoiding responsibility.

As George Bernard Shaw aptly put it, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” So let’s strive to ensure our words reflect our true intentions and contribute positively to the conversations we engage in.

Because at the end of the day, every word matters.