I’ve always found human behavior to be a bit like an iceberg—what you see on the surface is just a small part of what’s really going on underneath.

Resentment, for example, is one of those emotions that rarely shows up as a full-blown argument. Instead, it sneaks in quietly, masked by subtle behaviors that can leave you questioning what’s really going on.

If someone resents you, they’re not likely to come right out and say it. Instead, they’ll give you little clues, almost daring you to figure it out.

So, if you’ve ever felt like something was off in your interactions with someone, here are nine signs that resentment might be bubbling beneath the surface.

1) They avoid eye contact

Eye contact is a fundamental part of human communication.

Research on the dual function of eye gaze in social interactions shows that gaze not only allows us to sense the presence of others but also to signal important social cues like interest, trust, and openness.

When we engage in a conversation, locking eyes with the other person becomes a powerful tool for successful communication.

But when someone resents you, they may subconsciously or consciously avoid making eye contact with you.

This can be a subtle sign that they’re uncomfortable around you or are trying to hide their true feelings. They might dart their eyes elsewhere when speaking to you or not meet your eyes at all.

Of course, shy or introverted people might also avoid eye contact, so try not to jump to conclusions based on this point alone. But if this behavior is coupled with some of the other signs we’ll discuss, resentment may be at play.

2) Their body language changes around you

Body language can often tell us more about how a person feels than their words ever could.

I remember a time when I noticed a friend’s body language drastically change whenever I entered the room. She would cross her arms, turn her body away, and her face would tighten. It was as if she was closing herself off to me.

I dismissed it as her just having a bad day. But when it kept happening over and over, I started to wonder if there was more to it.

Turned out, she had been harboring resentment over a misunderstanding that happened ages ago. She never expressed it verbally but her body language was screaming it out loud. We eventually talked it through and cleared up the misunderstanding.

3) They seem indifferent towards your achievements

In a healthy relationship, whether personal or professional, people celebrate each other’s successes and achievements. It’s a sign of mutual respect and admiration.

But when someone resents you, they might show a lack of enthusiasm or even complete indifference towards your accomplishments.

Studies have shown that resentment can stem from feelings of inadequacy or jealousy.

When someone is resentful, they might find it difficult to be happy for others because it reminds them of what they perceive to be their own failures or shortcomings.

4) They are unnecessarily critical

Criticism, when constructive, can be a great tool for growth. However, if someone starts to criticize you excessively or for no apparent reason, it could be a sign of underlying resentment.

Resentment can often lead to a skewed perception of a person. The resentful individual may start to focus solely on your flaws and mistakes, magnifying them out of proportion.

They might nitpick at your actions, belittle your ideas, or constantly find fault in what you do. It’s as if they’re trying to bring you down to make themselves feel better.

If you notice someone being overly critical of you without any valid reason, it might be time to address the elephant in the room.

5) They seem distant or unresponsive

Communication is the lifeline of any relationship. When someone starts to pull away or become unresponsive, it might indicate a problem.

If someone resents you, they may start avoiding conversations with you or give curt, non-engaging responses. Their texts might get shorter, their calls less frequent. It’s as if they’re trying to create a barrier between you and them.

This distance can be both physical and emotional. They may avoid events or gatherings where they know you’ll be present, or they might zone out when you’re speaking to them.

Keep in mind though, everyone has off days or busy periods. But if this behavior becomes a pattern, it may be a subtle sign of resentment.

6) They don’t seem to care about your feelings

Empathy is a core component of human relationships. When we care about someone, their feelings matter to us. We comfort them in their sorrow, and their joy becomes ours.

According to studies, empathy depends on our ability to connect emotionally and control our responses. When negative emotions like resentment take over, they can disrupt these processes, making it harder to empathize.

Resentment can affect how we see others’ perspectives and manage our emotions, leading to a reduced ability to feel empathy.

It’s a heartbreaking feeling when someone you care about seems indifferent to your emotions. You might share about a tough day, only to be met with a dismissive attitude or an apathetic response.

If someone continually fails to show concern for your feelings, it might be because resentment is clouding their ability to empathize.

7) They bring up old arguments

We all have disagreements from time to time. But once they’re resolved, they should be left in the past.

However, in my experience, people who harbor resentment have a knack for bringing up old arguments. It’s like they keep a mental scorecard of past wrongs, ready to unleash it at any given moment.

I had a colleague once who used to bring up past disagreements in unrelated discussions. It was baffling and hurtful.

It took me a while to understand that it wasn’t about those old arguments. Those were just manifestations of an underlying resentment she had towards me, which we eventually addressed.

8) They exclude you from plans or conversations

Feeling left out is never a pleasant experience. It can be even worse when it’s done deliberately by someone you care about.

If someone resents you, they might start excluding you from plans, gatherings, or even simple conversations.

You might walk into a room and feel the conversation come to an abrupt halt. Or you might find out about a hangout everyone but you was invited to.

Exclusion is a subtle but hurtful way of expressing resentment. It’s their way of saying, “I don’t want you around” without actually saying it.

9) They seem happier without you

This is perhaps the most telling sign of all. If someone seems more relaxed, happier, or more themselves when you’re not around, it could indicate underlying resentment.

People naturally gravitate towards joy and away from sources of stress or discomfort. If someone’s demeanor noticeably brightens when you’re not in the picture, it might be time to confront the possibility of their resentment.

Everyone deserves relationships where they are valued and appreciated.

If someone consistently shows signs of resentment, it might be time to reassess that relationship and consider a heart-to-heart conversation or seeking guidance from a trusted mentor or professional.

Final thoughts: Resentment builds up slowly

Contrary to what most people would believe, it’s not the loud arguments or the heated exchanges that do the most damage. Usually, it’s the quiet, unspoken feelings that can create the biggest rifts.

When you start spotting these subtle signs, it’s probably time to start seeing the unsaid and being willing to have the tough conversations that could clear the air.

Resentment left unchecked only festers, and we all deserve relationships built on honesty, respect, and mutual understanding.

When you see these signs, take a pause and dig a little deeper. Can you repair the damage or is it time to move on? Your intuition is your best friend here.