There’s a thin line between denial and self-deception.

Denial is a psychological defense mechanism where we refuse to accept reality, while self-deception can often be us avoiding the brutal truth.

The tricky part?

People in denial are often blind to their own behavior. But, there are certain telltale signs you can spot in conversation.

In this article, we’ll explore the nine things people mention that reveal they’re living in denial and struggling to face the truth.

So, strap in because it’s time for some real talk.

1) “I’m fine.”

One of the most common phrases people in denial use is the age-old “I’m fine”.

This simple yet profound statement often hides a world of complex emotions and realities that the person isn’t ready to confront.

It’s a protective shield, a quick and easy response to deflect any further probing into their emotional state.

When someone consistently asserts they’re “fine” despite clear evidence to the contrary, it’s a strong sign they’re living in denial.

They’re avoiding the truth about how they really feel or what they’re really going through.

2) “Everything happens for a reason.”

I’ve heard this phrase often, and I’ve even used it myself in the past. It’s a comforting thought, isn’t it?

That everything, even the bad stuff, has some grand purpose or meaning.

But consider this: once, a close friend of mine was going through a tough breakup.

Instead of addressing the real issues that led to the split, she kept repeating “everything happens for a reason”.

It was her way of avoiding the hard truths about her relationship. Using this phrase can be a subconscious way of living in denial.

It’s a sugar-coated version of the truth that allows us to avoid confronting our fears, mistakes, or regrets.

While it can offer temporary comfort, it often leads to long-term avoidance of the truth.

3) “It’s not my fault.”

When someone is living in denial, they often find it difficult to accept responsibility for their actions.

The phrase “it’s not my fault” becomes their go-to excuse.

This is because accepting blame means acknowledging that they’ve made a mistake or that their actions had negative consequences – and that’s a hard pill to swallow for someone in denial.

When someone constantly deflects blame, it’s often an attempt to escape this internal barrage of negative thoughts.

So, when you hear someone consistently saying “it’s not my fault”, it might be a sign that they’re living in denial and struggling to face their own shortcomings.

4) “I don’t need help.”

The phrase “I don’t need help” is another classic sign of someone living in denial.

It’s a display of stubborn independence, an attempt to hide vulnerabilities, and a refusal to admit that they’re struggling.

In reality, everyone needs help at some point. We’re social creatures after all, designed to lean on each other in times of need.

Denying the need for help is often a way to maintain control when everything else feels like it’s spiraling out of control.

Hearing someone repeatedly insist they don’t need help, especially when it’s clear they’re struggling, can be a sign they’re living in denial.

5) “That’s just how I am.”

When someone constantly uses the phrase “that’s just how I am,” they could be living in denial about the need for change or personal growth.

This phrase is often used as a defence mechanism to justify harmful habits or behaviours.

Sure, we all have traits that are ingrained and hard to change.

But using this phrase as a blanket statement to avoid self-improvement or to dismiss criticism, signifies denial.

It’s a refusal to acknowledge that their actions or habits could be causing harm to themselves or others.

6) “I’ll deal with it later.”

Procrastination is a common trait among us all.

But when “I’ll deal with it later” becomes a frequent statement, it might be an indication of someone living in denial.

Putting things off for another day often means avoiding the emotional discomfort associated with confrontation or change.

It’s not just about laziness or poor time management, it’s a deflection, a way to postpone dealing with the truth.

We’ve all been there at some point, haven’t we? We’ve all had moments when we put something off because we’re not ready to face it.

But when this becomes a pattern, it can be a heartfelt sign of denial.

7) “I don’t care.”

“I don’t care” is a phrase I’ve found myself using when I’m trying to shield my emotions. I’ve noticed others do the same.

When we’re faced with a situation that’s too painful or frightening to confront, claiming indifference can be our defense mechanism.

In reality, the phrase often masks deep-seated feelings of fear, hurt, or uncertainty. It’s a way of distancing ourselves from the emotional impact of the situation.

So when you hear someone frequently saying “I don’t care”, especially about matters that should reasonably concern them, it might be their way of hiding from a truth that’s too painful or uncomfortable to acknowledge.

They might be in denial about their true feelings or the gravity of their situation.

8) “It doesn’t matter.”

Similar to “I don’t care”, the phrase “it doesn’t matter” is often used as a defensive statement by those living in denial. It’s a way of dismissing the importance of something that might be causing them stress or anxiety.

By saying “it doesn’t matter”, they’re attempting to diminish the significance of the issue at hand, thereby avoiding having to confront it head-on.

This phrase could be indicative of a person trying to distance themselves from their problems, or an attempt to minimize their feelings about a difficult situation.

When used often, it’s a sign that they might be trapped in a cycle of denial, unable to face the truth about their circumstances.

9) “I’m not upset.”

Arguably the most telling sign of denial is the phrase “I’m not upset”.

Those in denial often struggle to acknowledge their emotions, especially negative ones. They might believe that by denying their feelings, they can make them disappear.

But emotions aren’t that simple. They don’t vanish just because we deny them.

Instead, they often resurface in harmful ways, leading to stress, anxiety, or even physical health problems.

When you hear someone consistently saying “I’m not upset”, especially when their actions suggest otherwise, it’s a clear sign they’re living in denial.

They are struggling to face their true emotions and the reality of their situation.

This is a crucial sign to look out for, as acknowledging our emotions is the first step towards healing and growth.

Final thoughts: The power of empathy

Understanding the signs of denial is a step towards compassion and empathy. It gives us a glimpse into the struggles people may be going through silently.

Remember, denial is often a defense mechanism, a protective layer people create to shield themselves from pain or discomfort.

There’s a quote by Thich Nhat Hanh that says, “Compassion is a verb.”

It’s an action, not just a feeling. Recognizing denial in someone’s words is an opportunity to exercise this compassion, to offer a listening ear without judgment or pressure.

Because sometimes, what people in denial need most is not someone to pull them out of their state, but someone who’ll sit with them in it, offering understanding and patience.