Ever wondered if someone is manipulating you for their own benefit? Look out for these eight telltale signs.

Whether it’s subtle manipulation tactics or blatant attempts to use you, understanding these behaviors empowers you to assert boundaries and safeguard your well-being.

So, if you suspect someone might be leveraging you for their own agenda, stay vigilant and heed the warning signs outlined ahead.

1) They consistently take more than they give

In any balanced relationship, there’s a give and take. You help them, they help you; it’s a two-way street.

But sometimes, you start to notice that the scales are tipping too far in one direction.

It’s always about what you can do for them. They’re constantly asking for favors, for your time, your energy or resources, and somehow they’re never able to return the favor.

It’s not always about money or material things, either. Maybe they’re always the one talking about their problems, and they never seem to have time to listen to yours.

If you start to feel like a human vending machine in a relationship, constantly dispensing without getting anything back, that’s a red flag that someone might be using you for their own personal gain.

2) They only reach out when they need something

I’ve had friendships where I’d only hear from the person when they needed a favor. You know, the kind of people who only text when they need a ride, some advice, or help on a project.

They’re nowhere to be found when things are going smoothly, but the moment they need something, your phone is blowing up with their messages.

I’ve even had times where I tested this by not reaching out to see if they would. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. It was almost like I didn’t exist until they needed something.

This kind of behavior is a clear sign that someone views you more as a resource than a friend. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s important to recognize these signs early on.

3) They’re not interested in your life

I remember this one time, I was hanging out with a friend, or at least I thought she was my friend. We were having coffee, and I was excited to share some good news about a job promotion.

But as soon as I started talking about it, her eyes glazed over. She barely reacted when I shared the news, and she quickly changed the subject to something that concerned her.

Sure, everyone has off days, but this wasn’t a one-time thing. It was a pattern. Every conversation we had seemed to revolve around her life, her problems, her achievements.

I slowly began to realize that she wasn’t really interested in my life at all unless it somehow benefited her. That’s when it hit me – she wasn’t really a friend, she was using me for her own personal gain.

4) They’re always the victim

In psychology, there’s something called the victim mentality. It’s when someone consistently views themselves as a victim, regardless of the circumstances.

I had a friend who was always in some sort of crisis. There was always someone out to get her, always a problem that she needed help with.

At first, I was sympathetic and wanted to help. But over time, I started to notice that she never took responsibility for her actions. It was always someone else’s fault.

This constant state of crisis wasn’t just bad luck or a string of unfortunate events – it was a manipulation tactic. By keeping herself in the role of the victim, she ensured that I was always in the role of the rescuer, constantly coming to her aid.

It’s a sneaky way for someone to use you for their own personal gain without you even realizing it.

5) They’re never there for you when you need them

In the same vein as someone always needing your help but never giving anything in return, a person who’s using you will often be notably absent when you’re the one in need.

I remember the time I lost my job. I was feeling low, needed someone to talk to, someone just to be there. But this friend, the one I’d always come through for, was suddenly too busy.

It wasn’t just that one time either. Whenever I was going through something tough, she was suddenly unavailable. Her schedule was packed, or she had personal issues, or she just didn’t respond at all.

It was a harsh realization. All those times I’d been there for her, and when it was her turn to step up, she was nowhere to be found.

That’s a surefire sign that someone is in your life for their own gain and not because they genuinely care about you.

6) They’re quick to drop you when something better comes along

There’s something disheartening about being second choice, or worse, being someone’s backup plan. I’ve been in situations where I felt like I was just an option to someone, not a priority.

I remember planning to hang out with a friend, only for them to cancel at the last minute because something “better” came up.

Or those times when they would be super friendly and attentive when they needed something but became distant and aloof once they got what they wanted.

It felt like I was just a stepping stone, a convenience.

When someone consistently shows that they’re willing to drop you the moment something more beneficial or exciting comes along, it’s a strong indication that they’re using you for their own personal gain.

7) They rarely express genuine gratitude

Gratitude is a fundamental part of any healthy relationship. It’s a simple way of showing appreciation for the other person and acknowledging the effort they put into the relationship.

But when someone is using you, they often take your efforts for granted.

I’ve been in situations where I’ve gone out of my way to help someone, only to receive a half-hearted ‘thanks’ or sometimes, no acknowledgment at all.

It’s like they expect you to be there for them, to do things for them. They see your kindness not as a gift, but as something they’re entitled to.

When someone can’t express genuine gratitude for the things you do for them, it might be because they see you as a means to an end, not as a valued friend or partner.

8) You feel drained after spending time with them

Relationships should be a source of joy, comfort, and mutual growth. Sure, there will be ups and downs, but at the end of the day, you should feel better for having that person in your life.

But when someone is using you, they’re often sucking your energy rather than contributing to it.

I’ve had relationships where I would feel exhausted after spending time with the person. It was like they were an emotional vampire, draining all my energy and leaving me feeling depleted.

It wasn’t just physical tiredness. It was an emotional and mental exhaustion because I was constantly giving, constantly being used.

That’s perhaps the biggest red flag of all. If you consistently feel drained after interacting with someone, it’s time to seriously reconsider whether this person has your best interests at heart or if they’re using you for their own gain.

Final thoughts

Recognizing that someone is using you for their own gain is a tough realization. It’s not easy to accept that a person you care about doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

But acknowledging the signs is the first step towards rectifying the situation. It’s okay to prioritize your well-being, to set boundaries, and demand respect.

Keep in mind that relationships should be about mutual respect and care. If you’re constantly feeling drained, used, or unappreciated, it’s time to reassess.

Don’t be afraid to pull away from relationships that harm you more than they benefit you. It might be painful in the short term, but in the long run, you’ll be better off.

It’s important to surround yourself with people who value you for who you are, not what you can do for them.