What determines someone’s pace in life? 

Is it the money they earn? Their career? A marriage? Kids? The amount of rungs they’ve climbed up the corporate ladder?

In the same breath, what about those who are not moving forward in life? How can you tell? 

Let’s talk about the 9 behaviors they display.

(P.S. We’re only talking about people who are NOT moving forward in life BUT want to. People who refuse to participate in life’s fast-paced agenda is a whole other article.)

1) They are unmotivated

Author Judith McNaught wrote, “You can’t outwit fate by trying to stand on the sidelines and place little side bets about the outcome of life. Either you wade in and risk everything to play the game, or you don’t play at all. And if you don’t play, you can’t win.” 

Let that sink in a little: If you don’t play, you can’t win. This line will show itself in different ways throughout this article, starting with a lack of motivation. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, we all have lazy days. That’s not what I’m talking about. The kind of “unmotivated” that I’m talking about is the kind that surpasses laziness. 

It’s the kind that is riddled with excuses to not do what needs to be done. It could even be the kind of “unmotivated” that even refuses fun.

Just… here. Just… existing. Just letting life pass by. 

2) They are envious

I quickly mentioned at the beginning about people who refuse to participate in any sort of race in life and those who wish to move forward but aren’t. This is the greatest difference: Envy. 

If someone is truly, truly not after the rat race, they will not envy those who are ahead. In fact, they will cheer others on. They will also focus on themselves and their goals, not anyone else’s.  

Admittedly, envy could be a good thing if managed and channeled well, but if not, it could eat you alive. 

3) They are complacent

Whoever said that “complacency is the enemy of success” got it right, complacency hinders growth, and growth is a huge factor in succeeding. 

Sure, “success” is different for everybody, but someone complacent won’t reach any of those versions of success because they’re already too comfortable where they are—even if it’s not where they actually want to be. 

I will mention this more than once so remember it, someone who is not moving forward in life is afraid of change. They fear the unknown because it’s uncomfortable. They fear change because growth requires intention. 

Growth requires hard work.

4) They self-sabotage

VeryWellMind defines self-sabotage as “Self-sabotaging behavior refers to intentional action (or inaction) that undermines people’s progress and prevents them from accomplishing their goals. Self-sabotage occurs when people hinder their own success.”

It sucks when we become our own critic and enemy, because where do you run? Can you outrun yourself? 

Some people are not moving forward in life because it’s not possible but because they make it impossible themselves. 

For example, a person who wants to ask for a raise at work but sabotages their chances by deliberately shirking responsibility. Or what about someone who leaves partners before they get left behind, even when things are going well? 

What about impulse buying when they want to save money for a long-term goal? Or constantly procrastinating?

Self-sabotage can feel subtle but it will remain insidious every step of the way. 

5) They are scared of failure

People who don’t progress in life don’t fail enough because they fear it. 

And fear of failure is a common fear so I’m not surprised. After all, society has built us to crave success in whatever form our heart desires. 

And for a lot of us, failure means a lack of success. 

We equate failure with our lack of self-esteem, we treat it like a debt to our pride. 

But failure? It’s not as black and white as some might think.

BetterUp said this, “Failure can be useful. We can learn from it, gain new insights, and do better next time. The right kind of failures give us new information and teach us something that gets us closer to our goals.”

Failure is not necessarily the absence of success, it is the presence of opportunities. We just need to reframe our biases. 

6) They don’t try to learn new things

Once again mentioning the fear of change that is present in people who are not moving forward in life. There’s also that added fear of failure. 

Hence, they don’t try to learn new things, because learning something new could be an example of being bad at something. 

And people who don’t progress in life are people who don’t allow themselves to be bad at something first. 

It’s like stagnant water, y’know?

7) They indulge too much in daydreams with not enough action

While daydreaming has positive effects, too much of it could be harmful. 

For people who don’t move forward in life, too much daydreaming is also coupled with not enough action. Planning also doesn’t have enough follow-through. 

This could be tied to the fear of change or fear of failure. 

8) They are not adaptive

Resilience is a skill we learn after adversity. We become resilient after every failure, every obstacle, every loss, and every trial. 

And it’s a natural consequence of trying and failing, but we’ve already talked about that these people are not fans of failing. 

Perhaps it’s from failing too much before or maybe it’s just being passive, but being resilient? Being adaptive? Trying again? Not something they do.

9) They don’t ask for help

And for the final point, asking for help, specifically, not asking for it when they need it. 

Perhaps it’s complacency or pride, but people who don’t advance in life are the type of people who don’t ask for help.

They will do everything on their own, and try to solve every problem even when help is available. 

Final thoughts: Only if you want to

This might be dramatic to end with but you *literally* dictate your life. You dictate the dynamics in which you wish to participate.

You can decide if you’re one who wishes to grow as a person or if you’re someone who is content in wading through. You can just let life pass you by as long as it’s your decision or you can be someone who holds opportunities by the throat.

You can be a go-getter or a procrastinator. You can be stoic about change or excited by it.  

What matters, as with most things, is that you decide that for yourself. This list, if it resonated with you, could be a wake-up call or it could just be a random read on a Thursday. 

You have the power to decide where to go from here. And I hope that decision is the one that will serve you the best.